Psychology of Sexuality Books

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The Layguide: How to Seduce Women More Beautiful Than You Ever Dreamed Possible No Matter What You Look Like or How Much You Make

Tony Clink

The Layguide: How to Seduce Women More Beautiful Than You Ever Dreamed Possible No Matter What You Look Like or How Much You Make Tony Clink Amazon Price: $10.36
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 54 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

Another Useful Self-Help Book 4 out of 5 stars.
7 of 9 people found this review helpful.

Since I've started reading the books from the Pick Up Community, I've seen a pattern in the basic ways to approach women: it's basically putting out all the good qualities associated with being a man.

Be confident. Attentive, charming, humorous. Dress better, work on conversational skills. Maintain respect but also hold the course for seduction.

All of this sounds simple enough but...I think I belong to a generation of broken homes where the battling, bewildered single parents didn't pass on ANYTHING useful to their children. Let popular music and TV guide you into the Tunnel of Love.

And what a disaster that's been. (It also didn't help that social engineering tried to instill that boys and girls are essentially the same. How damaging has that been?).

So these books, while initially provoking women to be offended that men will be taking advantage of them, end up being the education us guys never got.

THE LAYGUIDE has a title that would suggest this book is about only seducing and taking advantage of women. I didn't really get that. (If you're looking for a book that not only writes in terms of women as only sexual objects but where to go and how much to spend on endless sex objects, that would be THE PROFESSIONAL BACHELOR. Especially the second half).

THE LAYGUIDE is a smooth, well-written How To book on approaching women and moving into a relationship, whether for one night or the rest of your life.

The Heart of Tantric Sex: A Unique Guide to Love and Sexual Fulfillment

Diana Richardson

The Heart of Tantric Sex: A Unique Guide to Love and Sexual Fulfillment Diana Richardson Amazon Price: $13.57
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 7 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

If you are looking for a new perspective on sex I highly recommend this book as your intro to Tantric Sex 5 out of 5 stars.
11 of 11 people found this review helpful.

While browsing for books on alternative personal and environmental energetics, this book jumped off the bookstore shelf at me. I wasn't looking for a tantric sex introduction but after scanning it I knew there was something I was meant to learn from it. This book is valuable on 2 levels. On an personal and emotional level it simply describes the benefits of mindful conjoining and the tools to remain in the present moment, all of which has the ability to extend the conjoining experience by hours. As an energetic consultant practitioner I appreciated the physiological principles and descriptions throughout the book which were verified to be all true after following the guidelines. My approach has been changed forever. Anyone I discuss it with appears to be naturally drawn to the concept as well. It also discusses sexual dysfunction which makes alot of sense.

Excellent 5 out of 5 stars.
10 of 11 people found this review helpful.

Forget everything you know about sex in western culture. The book walks you through the process of rediscovering sex following tantric practices. Very enlightening. My wife is also reading this book. Truly something to share with your love.

Editorial Review:

This book can transform your experience into a sensual, loving and fulfilling one.

In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women's Development

Carol Gilligan

In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women's Development Carol Gilligan Amazon Price: $11.22
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 23 Average rating: 3.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

This is the little book that started a revolution. First published almost twenty years ago, it made women's voices heard, in their own right and with their own integrity, for virtually the first time in social scientific theorizing about women. Its impact was immediate and continues to this day, in the academic world and beyond. Translated into sixteen languages, with more than three-quarters of a million copies sold around the world. In a Different Voice has inspired new research, new educational initiatives, and political debate-and helped many women and men to see themselves and each other in a different light.

Carol Gilligan believes that psychology has persistently and systematically misunderstood women--their motives, their moral commitments, the course of their psychological growth, and their special view of what is important in life. Here she sets out to correct psychology's misperceptions and refocus its view of female personality. The result is truly a tour de force, which may well reshape much of what psychology now has to say about female experience.

Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They'd Ask): The Secrets to Surviving Your Child's Sexual Development from Birth to the Teens

Justin Richardson, Mark Schuster

Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They'd Ask): The Secrets to Surviving Your Child's Sexual Development from Birth to the Teens Justin Richardson, Mark Schuster Amazon Price: $10.17
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 17 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

If you’ve ever tried to tell your six-year-old how babies are made or your fourteen-year-old how condoms work, you know that grappling with telling your kids about sex can be a sweat-drenched exercise. But it doesn’t have to be. Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They’d Ask) is a one-of-a-kind survival guide that will help you stay sane through every stage of your child’s sexual development. After interviewing scores of parents and analyzing decades of scientific research, two nationally respected, Harvard-trained physicians share their expertise in this brilliantly insightful, practical, and hilarious book that has fast become the leading resource for parents of toddlers to teens. This indispensable guide covers all the bases, including:

• What to expect at each stage of your child’s development and how you can influence it from birth onward
• What to tell your kids at every age about sex and how to get the conversation going
• What to do when your five-year-old turns up naked with the girl next door, your toddler is rubbing on her teddy bear, or your six-year-old walks in on you having sex
• How to avoid unnecessary clashes with your middle-schooler while managing privacy, crushes, and what to wear
• How to encourage your teenager to use contraception without encouraging her to have sex, and how to help her choose the method that’s best for her

Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships: Healing the Wound of the Heart

John Welwood

Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships: Healing the Wound of the Heart John Welwood Amazon Price: $10.36
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 28 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

While most of us have moments of loving freely and openly, it is often hard to sustain this where it matters most—in our intimate relationships. Why, if love is so great and powerful, are human relationships so challenging and difficult? If love is the source of happiness and joy, why is it so hard to open to it fully and let it govern our lives? In this book, John Welwood addresses these questions and shows us how to overcome the most fundamental obstacle that keeps us from experiencing love's full flowering in our lives. Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships begins by showing how all our relational problems arise out of a universal, core wounding around love that affects not only our personal relationships but the quality of life in our world as a whole. This wounding shows up as a pervasive mood of unlove—a deep sense that we are not intrinsically lovable just as we are. And this shuts down our capacity to trust, so that even though we may hunger for love, we have difficulty opening to it and letting it circulate freely through us. This book takes the reader on a powerful journey of healing and transformation that involves learning to embrace our humanness and appreciate the imperfections of our relationships as trail-markers along the path to great love. It sets forth a process for releasing deep-seated grievances we hold against others for not loving us better and against ourselves for not being better loved. And it shows how our longing to be loved can magnetize the great love that will free us from looking to others to find ourselves. Written with penetrating realism and a fresh, lyrical style that honors the subtlety and richness of our relationship to love itself, this revolutionary book offers profound and practical guidance for healing our lives as well as our embattled world.

A workshop based on this book is also available in audio. For more information, click here. 

Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love

Helen Fisher

Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love Helen Fisher Amazon Price: $10.20
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 34 Average rating: 3.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

"If you want flashes and particular experiences of romantic love, read novels. If you want to understand this central quality of human nature to its roots, read Why We Love." Edward O. Wilson In Why We Love, renowned anthropologist Helen Fisher offers a new map of the phenomenon of love—from its origins in the brain to the thrilling havoc it creates in our bodies and behavior. Working with a team of scientists to scan the brains of people who had just fallen madly in love, Fisher proved what psychologists had until recently only suspected: when you fall in love, specific areas of the brain "light up" with increased blood flow. This sweeping new book uses this data to argue that romantic passion is hardwired into our brains by millions of years of evolution. It is not an emotion; it is a drive as powerful as hunger. Provocative, enlightening, engaging, and persuasive, Why We Love offers radical new answers to age-old questions: what love is, who we love—and how to keep love alive.

Sex Matters

Osho

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 9 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

Sex matters to us all. The Osho approach to sex begins with an understanding of how important love is in our lives, while at the same time acknowledges that the journey into love cannot exclude our innate biological energies. With this perspective, it becomes clear that the tendency for religions, and for society in general, to associate sex with sin and morality has been a great misfortune. Sex Matters begins by deconstructing the layers of sexual repression that the condemnation of sex has inflicted on human. Throughout Sex Matters - in response to questions about everything from jealousy to premature ejaculation, the role of intimacy and the differences between men and women - Osho proposes a vision that embraces sex as a fundamental gift from nature. We learn how orgasm offers a glimpse of timelessness, thoughtlessness, and pure awareness -- biology's way of pointing toward the consciousness that helps us to understand ourselves.Finally, we are presented with a clear choice: a repressed sexuality that leads to pornography, perversion, and a stunted humanity or a playful, respectful, and relaxed innocence that supports us in becoming fulfilled and whole, as nature intended.

Peace Between the Sheets: Healing with Sexual Relationships

Marnia Robinson

Peace Between the Sheets: Healing with Sexual Relationships Marnia Robinson Amazon Price: $11.53
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 15 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Interesting, but some odd leaps in logic.... 4 out of 5 stars.
31 of 32 people found this review helpful.

I rated this book a 4 because I think it has many good features and a message that a lot of people might need to hear. In reality, I think it merits a 3.5 because although the author has a good background, I found she made some leaps in logic that may not apply to everyone.

The book starts off by explaining that old evolutionary hardwired responses often undermine love relationships. So far, she is on solid ground. Most evolutionary biologists agree that we often unconsciously act on hidden mating agendas and various statistic support that many times these behaviors are not in our best interests. David Buss has written a lot about this and you can see what he has to say in the excellent book, The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating.

The author continues on to explain how certain neurochemicals associated with orgasm and the pleasure/reward part of the limbic system affect our perception of our partner, bonding and mating behavior. A lot of what the author says is true and you can get more detail on this in the book, The Female Brain or other books.

The primary premise seems to get off track, however, when the author makes the assertion that having orgasms during sex leads to dysfunctional behavior. While I think it may be true that this could be the case, I don't buy that it is ALWAYS the case or true universally.

I think the problem here is that the author makes a biological argument and then bring in some psychology to back up her argument. For example, she mentions that many people feel they will be engulfed or annhilated after orgasm and this leads to fear which causes separation. While this may be true, it is most likely to be true when there have been developmental failures along the way, the self is weak, etc. She doesn't include this part of the picture and seems to overgeneralize. I could imagine that for many people the challenge of one of these two reactions with the right support from the Self structure would lead to healthy risk and vulnerability, which would in reality increase intimacy and closeness. This argument isn't given any weight at all. I will return to this point later.

In the next part of the book, there is guidance for fostering deeper intimacy by depriving oneself of orgasm as a routine matter of course. While I agree this practice can be useful to appreciate and nurture other aspects of the relationship such as affection, intimate conversation, etc., I don't agree that this is necessary or even desirable for many people.

I am a 45 year old male and have graduate degrees in biochemistry and psychology. As an undergraduate I majored in Biological Research and I have been studying comparative religion for over 20 years. My personal experience is that regular sexual intercourse with orgasm brings me closer to my partner, makes me want to be with my partner even more and is quite bonding. In general, I don't experience the fear of merging that the author talks about or being annhilated. From my experience in personal growth coaching and from the literature on love, I think it is safe to say this is the case for many other people. This seems to be another flaw in logic. However, I do advocate if those feelings come up in a strong way, one ought to consider the level of trust vs. the level of commitment. Some of what Ms. Robinson labels as normal reactions may actually be tendencies that don't consider factors such as personal development, conditioning, the influence of culture, the presence of shame or guilt from the family of origin, etc. In short, sexual behavior is complicated, I think this book takes an overly simplistic view of the true situation.

Another argument the author makes is that compatability is not a key point in dysfunctional patterns, but rather it is all biology. I disagree with this point as well. As Sam Hamburg says in another excellent book, Will Our Love Last?: A Couple's Road Map, compatability seems to cause commitment rather than vice versa. In the same book, he points out that marriage is a PUBLIC affair, while love is often private. This often leads to third parties having a lot of input into marital decisions, which may in part account for the rate of divorce, infidelity, etc. In his many years of counseling, he has seen that people who are compatible on three dimensions which he terms practical, wavelength and chemistry DON'T find it difficult to keep their commitments and that sex is bonding. The famous book A General Theory of Love elaborates on some of the biological and psychological reasons why this may be so.

Perhaps by now you are wondering why I am rating this book a four if I have a lot of critical things to say about it. The answer is that there is so much focus on communication, sexual technique and the importance of sex in relationship literature that this book offers a good alternative viewpoint. While I don't agree with the extreme view that is presented in this book, I do agree that hidden mating agendas CAN undermine relationships and that couple's often take each other for granted. If more couples focused on affection, conversation and a heart-centered connection, I suspect we would have more happy couples. Practicing abstaining orgasm could be a useful practice along these lines, but I don't believe it is necessary or the only practice that could enhance people's appreciation for each other and ward off sexual boredom.

The emphasis in the media, magazines and in popular culture in general seems to err on the other side to me. In other words, this cultural mileau seems to promote unrealistic expectations, many of which are handed down from the period of courtly love. In other words, we are conditioned to have high expectations, magical thinking and do a lot of projection in positive and negative ways. I think this is at least as important as what is going on with neurochemicals in the brain after orgasm. However, this book is useful in that it emphasizes that focusing more on love and less on sexual release would allow one to see their partner from a loving space. I wholeheartedly agree with this in moderation, but the extreme version presented here does offset a culture bias.

This is basically a good book with a lot of excellent information. I think the author has many worthwhile observations, but I don't think this is THE answer... it is AN answer of many to a very complicated and paradoxical area. I think a broader approach would have served most people better and I feel the author relied too much on her own opinion more than ALL of the AVAILABLE data. I suspect her research in this area took place once her opinion was already established and this may have biased her results and conclusions. I think it would be useful to apply something such as Ken Wilber's Integral Model to this complex problem because I think this book just leaves out to much. You can read about Wilber's model in the very accessible A Brief History of Everything. If your interest in some of the deeper psychological issues and considerations is strong, I would also consider reading Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power as well as The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment.

Again, my overall rating is a 3.5 and I found the book worthwhile to read. I believe it could help a lot of couples to be more appreciative of each other and have a better sex life. However, I would take some of the information with a grain of salt or at least balance it with other more complex perspectives that consider other aspects of the issues.

Editorial Review:

Peace Between the Sheets offers a simple but revolutionary analysis: modern relationships often founder because of dysfunctional sexual habits. But when couples shift away from "heat-centered" toward "heart-centered" sexual interactions, they gain a mutual satisfaction that transcends physical gratification. Robinson advocates teaching the body a different response to sexual arousal that is driven by love over biology. The benefits include reducing stress, rejuvenating the body, helping overcome addictions, and developing a positive outlook. Over two parts, "Why" and "How," the book devotes twelve chapters to topics like "Why do We Fall Out of Love?," "Outwitting Biology," "Want to Try It?," and "The Ecstatic Exchanges." Peace Between the Sheets tackles a delicate issue with sound reasoning, solid research, and a healthy dose of humor.

Erotism: Death and Sensuality

Georges Bataille

Erotism: Death and Sensuality Georges Bataille Amazon Price: $11.53
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 6 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

A compelling addition to the discourse of sex and religion. 5 out of 5 stars.
17 of 21 people found this review helpful.

Before Foucault ruined the game, this was the cutting edge of theoretical musings on sex. Bataille's "continuity" concept of the erotic still seems fascinating (if not slightly intuitive), especially in the chapters on war and mysticism. Beware of the difficult language, but once this hurdle is cleared you're in for a delightful read.

Sex, death, and violence--a high-falutin' theory of the good stuff... 5 out of 5 stars.
9 of 9 people found this review helpful.



If I had to pick one book for the Bataille newbie, it would be this one. *Erotism* puts forth the crux of Georges Bataille's critical thought in what is its clearest and most forthright expression. Here the man once called "the theoretician of evil" lays out for the educated layman his controversial and challenging views of the interrelationship of sexuality, violence, taboo, suffering, mysticism, and death. Most of the major ideas found in Bataille's more complicated philosophical works such as *The Accursed Share* are distilled here, as well as the philosophical underpinning of the infamous novels *Madame Edwarda* and *The Dead Man.*

Bataille is always perversely entertaining, if sometimes frustrating, having a facility to cast even the most lurid subjects in a language that can render pornography intellectually impenetrable. The problem is partly due to the fact that Bataille's main concern is to elucidate what he calls "extreme states of being," those experiences at the very limit of human possibility such as orgasm, visions, and death--phenomenon that philosophy has traditionally left out of the equation when considering human life. Because these extreme experiences are often irrational--or transcend rationality, as Bataille would prefer it--they usually fall outside the natural scope of philosophy, as well as language itself. Bataille, who tries to write about these inner states on the outer edge, can only do so by ultimately failing, which he readily acknowledges is necessarily the fate of anyone who tries to express the inexpressible.

In *Erotism,* Bataille, for the most part, confines himself to saying what can be said before it becomes unspeakable and that's what makes this book so much more readable than most of his other texts. Taboo as that which sets us apart from the animal and yet is meant to be transgressed in order that we may know the sacred. Sacrifice as a communal "crime" by which we contemplate the deathless state of continuity that is death itself. Work as the dike that keeps humanity from being swept away in a flood of sex and violence. Bataille follows the red thread that zig-zaggedly stitches together man's age-old fascination with sexual transgression and violent death. From the cave paintings of prehistory to the novels of Sade, from Saint Theresa's pseudo-sexual ecstasy to the Kinsey Report, the result is a wide-ranging and fascinating re-interpretation of the religious instinct in man from the point of view of our mortal obsession with filth and degradation. What Bataille has wrought is a philosophy of "evil" that itself is a thing of transgression, overturning much of what we thought we knew about morality, love, civilization, god, and all the rest of it, but most of all ourselves.

A sort of primer to Bataille, *Erotism* can be used as a skeleton key to access the treasures locked away in his more inaccessible works. A must-read for any philosophically inclined renegade interested in sex and death, *Erotism* justifies your morbid penchant for the corrupt and obscene. You really shouldn't have another orgasm without being cognizant of the insights to be found in this life-warping and mind-bending book.

Editorial Review:

Taboo and sacrifice, transgression and language, death and sensuality-Georges Bataille pursues these themes with an original, often startling perspective. He challenges any single discourse on the erotic. The scope of his inquiry ranges from Emily Bronte to Sade, from St. Therese to Claude Levi-Strauss and Dr. Kinsey; and the subjects he covers include prostitution, mythical ecstasy, cruelty, and organized war. Investigating desire prior to and extending beyond the realm of sexuality, he argues that eroticism is "a psychological quest not alien to death.

Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself Be Loved

Harville, PhD Hendrix, Helen, Ph.D. Hunt

Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself Be Loved Harville, PhD Hendrix, Helen, Ph.D. Hunt Amazon Price: $11.20
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Total reviews: 6 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

Harville Hendrix has illuminated the paths to loving, long-lasting relationships in his New York Times bestsellers Getting the Love You Want and Keeping the Love You Find. Now, with coauthor and wife Helen LaKelly Hunt, he brings us to a new understanding about one of the most complicated issues facing couples today:

Receiving Love

Many men and women know how to give love, but many more undermine their relationships by never having learned how to accept it. We don't always realize the ways in which we reject appreciation and affection, help and guidance from our romantic partners. And, according to Hendrix and Hunt, until we are able to understand the meaning behind our behavior, our relationships stand to suffer. Ask yourself:

Are you reluctant to tell your partner what you really want or need?

When you do get what you've asked for, do you still feel dissatisfied?

Is it difficult for you to accept kind gestures, gifts, or compliments from your partner?

If you answered yes to any of the above, this book is for you. With Receiving Love, you can learn how to break the shackles of self-rejection -- which likely began in childhood, when our caretakers unintentionally failed to nurture us -- and embrace real intimacy. Drawing on their renowned expertise, the wide clinical experience of Imago therapists, and their own personal experience as a married couple, the authors offer detailed, sensitive advice on how to turn a relationship between two well-meaning yet misunderstood individuals into a true, everlasting partnership.


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