Adoption Books

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Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew

Sherrie Eldridge

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew Sherrie Eldridge Amazon Price: $10.20
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 173 Average rating: 3.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

"Birthdays may be difficult for me."

"I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family."

"When I act out my fears in obnoxious ways, please hang in there with me."

"I am afraid you will abandon me."

The voices of adopted children are poignant, questioning. And they tell a familiar story of loss, fear, and hope. This extraordinary book, written by a woman who was adopted herself, gives voice to children's unspoken concerns, and shows adoptive parents how to free their kids from feelings of fear, abandonment, and shame.

With warmth and candor, Sherrie Eldridge reveals the twenty complex emotional issues you must understand to nurture the child you love--that he must grieve his loss now if he is to receive love fully in the future--that she needs honest information about her birth family no matter how painful the details may be--and that although he may choose to search for his birth family, he will always rely on you to be his parents.

Filled with powerful insights from children, parents, and experts in the field, plus practical strategies and case histories that will ring true for every adoptive family, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew is an invaluable guide to the complex emotions that take up residence within the heart of the adopted child--and within the adoptive home.

Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors

Heather T. Forbes

Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors Heather T. Forbes Amazon Price: $19.95
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 36 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control covers in detail the effects of trauma on the body-mind and how trauma alters children’s behavioral responses. The first four chapters help parents and professionals clearly understand the neurological research behind the basic model given in this book, deemed, “The Stress Model.” While scientifically based in research, it is written in an easy to understand and easy to grasp format for anyone working with or parenting children with severe behaviors. The next seven chapters are individually devoted to seven behaviors typically seen with attachment-challenged children. These include lying, stealing, hoarding and gorging, aggression, defiance, lack of eye contact, and yes, even a chapter that talks candidly about how parents appear hostile and angry when they work to simply maintain their families from reaching complete states of chaos. Each of these chapters talks in depth on these specific behaviors and gives vivid and contrasting examples of how this love-based approach works to foster healing and works to develop relationships, as opposed to the fear-based traditional attachment parenting approaches that are being advocated in today’s attachment field. The authors end with a Parenting Bonus Section. True testimonials from parents who have been able to make significant changes in their homes with this model of parenting, giving real-life examples of how they have been able to find the healing, peace, and love that they had been seeking prior to working through the techniques outlined in this book.

Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents

Deborah D. Gray

Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents Deborah D. Gray Amazon Price: $16.47
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 46 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

Proper attachment is the most fundamental issue in a successful adoption, but what exactly does the term mean? Attaching in Adoption answers that question thoroughly, and it provides solutions to a variety of specific attachment problems.

Along with technical explanations of challenges such as self-esteem, childhood grief, and limit-testing, the book includes a tremendous number of personal vignettes illustrating attachment-related situations. Parents who are convinced that only their child has ever behaved a certain way are sure to take comfort in these stories; not only do they include kids from all backgrounds and age groups, but each has an ultimately happy ending. The emotional health of the whole family is also paramount according to the book--with plenty of rest and "alone time," caregivers are more likely to be emotionally available when they are most needed.

Because Attaching in Adoption focuses on special needs, families who are coming together through foster programs, at later ages, or across cultural lines will find it especially helpful. Both psychologically detailed and straightforwardly helpful, it can be of equal benefit to counselors and parents alike. --Jill Lightner

Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections

Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections Amazon Price: $19.77
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 22 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

Finally, a comprehensive parenting book for adoptive families! Over 100 contributors have helped EMK Press to weave a stunning tapestry of advice specifically for adoptive parents. Parenting adopted children requires parenting with an extra layer and this book helps you to understand where that extra layer falls. This 520 page book is a wealth of information for the newly arrived home family and the experienced family as well. This is "What to Expect" for the adoptive family. It is a book you won't read all at once, but come back to again and again as your child's awareness of who they are and how they came to join your family develops and your awareness of how to parent them evolves.

Our adopted children come to us from loss-loss of a birthfamily, perhaps a culture, and sometimes language. There are helpful things that we can do to address these issues, and Adoption Parenting helps you to create an awareness to do just that. We also look at stumbling blocks to good parenting, and standard parenting practices that aren't the best solution for adopted children.

We look at the core issues all members of the adoption triad face, and look at how that affects standard parenting challenges like sleeping through the night, discipline and attachment. We cover specific challenges families have faced: FASD, trauma and PTSD, sensory integration, speech and language delays, learning issues, food issues, racial differences, and at ways to effectively parent a post-institutionalized child.

We also look at how each of us has been parented and how that affects the parenting choices we make for our children. There is a section which includes articles on Post Adoption Depression, the importance of support networks (both for your children and for yourself) and when and how to find therapists if that is warranted. The book is filled with resources and links to help find more information on a specific topic as your parenting or your child needs.

The contributors to this book include professionals in their respective fields like Dan Hughes, PhD; Arthur Becker-Weidman, PhD; Beth O'Malley,MEd; Adam Pertman; Ellen Singer, LCSW-C; Laurie Miller, MD; Mary Beth Williams, PhD, LCSW, CTS; Barbara Elleman, MHS, OTR/L, BCP; Marcy Axness, PhD; Christopher J. Alexander, PhD; Sharon Glennen, PhD, CCC-SLP; Doris Landry, MS, LLC.

Contributors also include parents who have had to learn to parent the children who have come to them. Many of these parents have become experts as well! The advice and the wisdom they have to share is honest and heartening. Adoptees who are now adults have shared experiences on their growing up that are interwoven in the book and there are contributions from birth mothers as well.

Each person comes to parenting from a different place and the needs their children have are unique. Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections allows the reader to choose which tools are helpful for their particular situation and which are not. This isn't a book about what you have to do to parent, but about perspective, awareness, and understanding that overlays how you parent. This book is designed to help each of us become the best parents for our children and to offer support and connections for families on the journey of adoption parenting!

The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family

Karyn B. Purvis, David R. Cross, Wendy Lyons Sunshine

The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family Karyn B. Purvis, David R. Cross, Wendy Lyons Sunshine Amazon Price: $11.53
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 14 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

"An extremely useful parenting handbook... truly outstanding ... strongly recommended."
--Library Journal (starred review)

"A tremendous resource for parents and professionals alike."
--Thomas Atwood, president and CEO, National Council for Adoption

The adoption of a child is always a joyous moment in the life of a family. Some adoptions, though, present unique challenges. Welcoming these children into your family--and addressing their special needs--requires care, consideration, and compassion.

Written by two research psychologists specializing in adoption and attachment, The Connected Child will help you:

  • Build bonds of affection and trust with your adopted child
  • Effectively deal with any learning or behavioral disorders
  • Discipline your child with love without making him or her feel threatened

"A must-read not only for adoptive parents, but for all families striving to correct and connect with their children."
--Carol S. Kranowitz, author of The Out-of-Sync Child

 

"Drs. Purvis and Cross have thrown a life preserver not only to those just entering uncharted waters, but also to those struggling to stay afloat."
--Kathleen E. Morris, editor of S. I. Focus magazine

 

"Truly an exceptional, innovative work . . . compassionate, accessible, and founded on a breadth of scientific knowledge and clinical expertise."
--Susan Livingston Smith, program director, Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute

"The Connected Child is the literary equivalent of an airline oxygen mask and instructions:  place the mask over your own face first, then over the nose of your child. This book first assists the parent, saying, in effect,  'Calm down, you're not the first mom or dad in the world to face this hurdle, breathe deeply, then follow these simple steps.'  The sense of not facing these issues alone--the relief that your child's behavior is not off the charts--is hugely comforting. Other children have behaved this way; other parents have responded thusly; welcome to the community of therapeutic and joyful adoptive families."
--Melissa Fay Greene, author of There is No Me Without You: One Woman's Odyssey to Rescue Africa's Children

The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the DecadesBefore Roe v. Wade

Ann Fessler

The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the DecadesBefore Roe v. Wade Ann Fessler Amazon Price: $10.20
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 8 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

History of Adoption Issues 4 out of 5 stars.
7 of 7 people found this review helpful.

This book was recommended to me by one of the subjects within. As I am an adoptee who was surrendered in the mid 1960's I found the books revelations both informative and unsettling. I had never put the picture in my head of how socially motivated and financially interested some of the adoption agencies of the time were nor the gamut of emotions felt by these birthmothers. This is well researched from a historical standpoint as well as a facinating read delving into the very human feelings shared by those in the triad of adoption. Feelings, I might add, that are not well understood by those outside of this subculture. I have recommended this book to several counselor friends of mine and would do the same for anyone who may find themselves across the couch from persons involved in the adoption process. Mrs. Fessler's book flows very smoothly and is quite an easy read. The books stories are filled with the heart wrenching fear, dissapointment, guilt, anguish and uncertainty felt by many birthmothers but the ultimate message is one of underlying love, resolution and final completion. My final thoughts were of hope. Hope for governmental reform in its policies, hope for institutional reform in their practices and proceedures and hope for adoptee and birth parent alike in the illimination of uncertainties and for final completeness.

Editorial Review:

In this deeply moving and myth-shattering work, Ann Fessler brings out into the open for the first time the astonishing untold history of the million and a half women who surrendered children for adoption due to enormous family and social pressure in the decades before Roe v. Wade. An adoptee who was herself surrendered during those years and recently made contact with her mother, Ann Fessler brilliantly brings to life the voices of more than a hundred women, as well as the spirit of those times, allowing the women to tell their stories in gripping and intimate detail.

LifeBooks : Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child

Beth O'Malley

LifeBooks : Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child Beth O'Malley Amazon Price: $14.95
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 22 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

From Alaska to Australia the word is spreading. Adoptive parents are discovering the enormous value of adoption lifebooks. But then the questions begin. Where do I start? What information should be included? Do I let my child bring it to school?

Beth O'Malley M.Ed. provides the answers to these and more. In her best selling book, LifeBooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child Beth guides you though the process, step-by-step and page by page as if she were right there with you.

Learn about the difference between a scrapbook or baby book and a lifebook. Or explaining tough truths, dealing with secrets and which pages are essential.

Newly revised 2002

Dozens of real life stories

Lists of hard-to-find lifebook resource websites

Sample pages for international and domestic

Special waiting parent section.

If you get really stuck, there are three full-length examples in the back section, including one for China adoptions.

Her life experiences as an adoptee combined with doing lifebook seminars with adoptive parents all over the country, gives Beth a special perspective on lifebooks. Most importantly, Beth has made countless lifebooks with children in her role as an adoption specialist in Massachusetts.

Beth O'Malley has helped thousands of adoptive families give their children the answers and security they crave.

This book is an indispensable guide to making your child's lifebook. You will refer to it for years to come!

Parenting the Hurt Child : Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow

Gregory Keck, Regina M. Kupecky

Parenting the Hurt Child : Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow Gregory Keck, Regina M. Kupecky Amazon Price: $15.63
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 16 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Great Information 5 out of 5 stars.
0 of 0 people found this review helpful.

This book is loaded with helpful information. Granted, the book deals with adoptive families, but a lot of it applies to kids in blended families as well. If you have one of those kids where none of your parenting techniques work on them, and they just won't comply with anyone's expectations, I recommend reading this. I wish I would have discoverd this information years ago.

Realistic & Practical Suggestions 4 out of 5 stars.
0 of 0 people found this review helpful.

The beginning of the book explores many of the issues that accompany foster child adoption, which is helpful in understanding what to expect and why. The second half has lists of suggested activities that address many of these issues. I really liked that it was a realistic portrayal of this way of growing a family. And I loved the suggestions - they were practical and easy to implement.

older child adoption 5 out of 5 stars.
0 of 0 people found this review helpful.

I bought this book in desperation right after we adopted two foreign born boys, ages 7 and 9. The nine year old was totally whacked, behavior wise, and we surmised he had been abused at a young age. He would totally freak if you even tried to correct him, or if he didn't like dinner, whatever. He would sit and holler, scream, kick, bite, break his bedroom furniture, etc. for hours until he wore himself out. This book did go aways to saving our sanity, as did the fact that it improved when his English got better.

Editorial Review:

Gregory C. Keck and Regina M. Kupecky explain how to raise a hurting child with loving wisdom, resolve, and success.

The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child

Nancy Verrier

The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child Nancy Verrier Amazon Price: $10.20
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By: Nancy Verrier
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 78 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

Self-Knowledge and Rehabilitation 5 out of 5 stars.
8 of 8 people found this review helpful.

Reading this book is like peering through a window into the secret inner life of the adoptee, which makes it an excellent book both for adoptees and for those who are close to them. Since some of the issues Verrier addresses in this book are common to many people who were not adopted, such as people who were placed in incubators at birth or people who grew up with alcoholic parents, this is also an excellent book for people outside of the book's target audience. In very accessible language Verrier argues that much of the perplexing and often maladjusted and maladjustive behaviour exhibited by adoptees is caused by the trauma they suffered upon separation from their birth mothers. According to Verrier, the effects of that trauma are made worse by the fact that, for the most part, those effects are unrecognized not only by society as a whole, but also by the adoptees themselves. Adoptees whose trauma goes unrecognized are not able to grieve the loss of their birth mothers, which leaves them alone to struggle with the potentially debilitating issues that arise from their unresolved grief. One of the most important functions this book performs is to acknowledge and thereby validate the often silent suffering of adoptees, which may then allow adoptees to begin the process of healing both themselves and their relationships with others. This process begins with the recognition of Verrier's critical insight into the fact that adoptive families are very different from biological ones, and may proceed not only with the help of some of the practical suggestions Verrier puts forward in this book, but also with the help of her more in-depth study of the same issues in the sequel to this book, _Coming Home to Self: The Adopted Child Grows Up_. For anybody who is interested in reading more about the false selves that Verrier says adoptees often live with, I highly recommend R. D. Laing's _The Divided Self: An Existential Study in Sanity and Madness_. Similarly, for anybody who is interested in reading more about the significance of the family for one's sense of one's own identity, and about the significance of one's relationships with others more generally, I highly recommend chapter four of John Russon's _Human Experience: Philosophy, Neurosis, and the Elements of Everyday Life_.

Raising Adopted Children, Revised Edition: Practical Reassuring Advice for Every Adoptive Parent

Lois Ruskai Melina

Raising Adopted Children, Revised Edition: Practical Reassuring Advice for Every Adoptive Parent Lois Ruskai Melina Amazon Price: $11.16
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 22 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

"Some people may describe adoption as difficult; others simply describe it as different. I am inclined to think of it as complex," writes Lois Ruskai Melina in the updated, revised Raising Adopted Children: Practical, Reassuring Advice for Every Adoptive Parent.

Adoption practices have evolved considerably since this book's first publication in 1986, and the new version of the "Dr. Spock for adoptive parents" reflects the latest theories. Drawing on the findings and practices of pediatricians, social workers, scientists, and adoptive parents, Raising Adopted Children is carefully and thoroughly researched. Chapters on open adoption, international adoption, and transracial adoption are combined with advice on bonding and attachment, breast-feeding an adoptive infant (possible but complicated), dealing with schools, privacy issues, adopting a child with disabilities, adopting as a single parent, and the challenges of adolescence. While Melina's many years of professional and personal experience shape her advice, she remains very evenhanded. For example, she's a strong proponent of the "early telling" theory of adoption (being open about the adoption with the child from the beginning), but she also clearly presents other points of view, and, throughout the book, encourages parents to make decisions that feel right for them.

The text includes specific suggestions for explaining a child's birth circumstances, including common misconceptions, and a valuable discussion about whether adoptees are at greater risk for behavior problems or learning disabilities. She also provides suggestions for setting rules for contact with biological parents, easing grief, and acknowledging a child's history. A completely annotated list of selected references and resources rounds out this superior guide. --Ericka Lutz


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