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Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections

Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections Amazon Price: $19.77
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 23 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

Finally, a comprehensive parenting book for adoptive families! Over 100 contributors have helped EMK Press to weave a stunning tapestry of advice specifically for adoptive parents. Parenting adopted children requires parenting with an extra layer and this book helps you to understand where that extra layer falls. This 520 page book is a wealth of information for the newly arrived home family and the experienced family as well. This is "What to Expect" for the adoptive family. It is a book you won't read all at once, but come back to again and again as your child's awareness of who they are and how they came to join your family develops and your awareness of how to parent them evolves.

Our adopted children come to us from loss-loss of a birthfamily, perhaps a culture, and sometimes language. There are helpful things that we can do to address these issues, and Adoption Parenting helps you to create an awareness to do just that. We also look at stumbling blocks to good parenting, and standard parenting practices that aren't the best solution for adopted children.

We look at the core issues all members of the adoption triad face, and look at how that affects standard parenting challenges like sleeping through the night, discipline and attachment. We cover specific challenges families have faced: FASD, trauma and PTSD, sensory integration, speech and language delays, learning issues, food issues, racial differences, and at ways to effectively parent a post-institutionalized child.

We also look at how each of us has been parented and how that affects the parenting choices we make for our children. There is a section which includes articles on Post Adoption Depression, the importance of support networks (both for your children and for yourself) and when and how to find therapists if that is warranted. The book is filled with resources and links to help find more information on a specific topic as your parenting or your child needs.

The contributors to this book include professionals in their respective fields like Dan Hughes, PhD; Arthur Becker-Weidman, PhD; Beth O'Malley,MEd; Adam Pertman; Ellen Singer, LCSW-C; Laurie Miller, MD; Mary Beth Williams, PhD, LCSW, CTS; Barbara Elleman, MHS, OTR/L, BCP; Marcy Axness, PhD; Christopher J. Alexander, PhD; Sharon Glennen, PhD, CCC-SLP; Doris Landry, MS, LLC.

Contributors also include parents who have had to learn to parent the children who have come to them. Many of these parents have become experts as well! The advice and the wisdom they have to share is honest and heartening. Adoptees who are now adults have shared experiences on their growing up that are interwoven in the book and there are contributions from birth mothers as well.

Each person comes to parenting from a different place and the needs their children have are unique. Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections allows the reader to choose which tools are helpful for their particular situation and which are not. This isn't a book about what you have to do to parent, but about perspective, awareness, and understanding that overlays how you parent. This book is designed to help each of us become the best parents for our children and to offer support and connections for families on the journey of adoption parenting!

Talking with Young Children about Adoption

Mary Watkins, Susan Fisher

Talking with Young Children about Adoption Mary Watkins, Susan Fisher Amazon Price: $12.92
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 16 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Imperative Insight 4 out of 5 stars.
11 of 12 people found this review helpful.

My husband and I both read this book. Although the initial portion was a bit lengthy and exhaustive on the research and imperical data information, the dialogues between parents and children were amazing to read. It was so helpful to prepare for the possible questions that can come up and to find out how other parents responded to their children. We found it expecially interesting to analyze the types of issues that came up for the children adopted under the various circumstances. We both felt that this is imperative reading for any adoptive parents in preparing to be as open and comfortable discussing the topic of their child's adoption with the child. . .and to learn about the various issues that can present themselves at the most unexpected moments. A must-read for any adoptive parent who wants to feel prepared to make his or her child feel reassured and confident about his adoption.

Editorial Review:

Current wisdom holds that adoptive parents should talk with their child about adoption as early as possible. But no guidelines exist to prepare parents for the various ways their children might respond when these conversations take place. In this wise and sympathetic book, a clinical psychologist and a psychiatrist, both adoptive mothers, discuss how young children make sense of the fact that they are adopted, how it might appear in their play, and what worries they and their parents may have. Accounts by twenty adoptive parents of conversations about adoption with their children, from ages two to ten, graphically convey what the process of sharing about adoption is like.

My Family, My Journey: A Baby Book for Adoptive Families

Zoe Francesca

My Family, My Journey: A Baby Book for Adoptive Families Zoe Francesca Amazon Price: $16.95
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 12 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Best of its kind 5 out of 5 stars.
1 of 1 people found this review helpful.

This is the best baby book of its kind. I looked everywhere and could not find anything better. It has spaces for everything you can think of concerning the whole adoption process. We will be able to show our son his "memory book" as he grows up which will help explain how we became a forever family. There is plenty of space for pictures, with lots of space for descriptions. The best thing is that it does not chronicle his first year, as we do not have all his information, but it does chronicle his first year with us! Exactly what our family needed.

Editorial Review:

For the growing audience of adoptive families, Chronicle Books is proud to offer a baby book that suits the wide array of experiences and choices that bring a family and their new child together. This lovely keepsake album contains sections to record all the joyful milestones and cherished family moments that mark a new baby's life, pages to chart the adopted child's unique journey, as well as a sturdy pocket in which to store important documents and memorabilia. Inside the pocket are over 60 stickers you can use to customize the family tree pages. As the pages of the journal fill with memories, My Family, My Journey will stand as a lasting testament of love for the entire family.

The Complete Adoption Book: Everything You Need to Know to Adopt a Child

Laura Beauvais-Godwin, Raymond Godwin

The Complete Adoption Book: Everything You Need to Know to Adopt a Child Laura Beauvais-Godwin, Raymond Godwin Amazon Price: $12.89
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 15 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

very informative and readable 5 out of 5 stars.
7 of 7 people found this review helpful.

If anyone is considering any form of adoption, they need not look much further than this book for general information. It covers a wide range of subjects related to adoption, is very thorough and informative, and also quite easy to read. I picked it up because my wife and I are considering interracial special needs adoption, and most books don't talk about these subjects in depth, but this one does.

A fantastic book 5 out of 5 stars.
6 of 6 people found this review helpful.

Thank you to the authors for writing this book. As my husband and I begin the adoption process, this book has been the one I've opened every time I have a question, and it hasn't let me down. I highly recommend it.

Great Book...more for Babies adoptions though 3 out of 5 stars.
1 of 1 people found this review helpful.

Loved the inforamtion. The book spends most of its pages on baby adoptions out of the country, as opposed to in state adotpions as I was hoping. This book does provide information on each states procedures and processes. I'm not sorry I got the book, it will be a useful tool through our state adoption process.

Extremely Informative 5 out of 5 stars.
0 of 0 people found this review helpful.

Due to issues with infertility my husband and I have decided to look into adopting. This book has been wonderful for answering any and all of our questions. I highly recommend it to anyone considering adoption or already in the process.

Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart In The Midst Of Infertility

Jennifer Saake

Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart In The Midst Of Infertility Jennifer Saake Amazon Price: $11.19
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 40 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

For anyone at any place in their IF Journey 5 out of 5 stars.
3 of 3 people found this review helpful.

Since we began this new leg in our journey, I've been reading everything infertility related that I can get my hands on. The first full length book I've read dedicated exclusively to this subject is Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart In The Midst Of Infertility.

Hannah's Hope is written by Jennifer Saake, previously mentioned on this blog and mother to two living children. She and her husband have walked the road of infertility for 15 years and they have had their hearts broken by several miscarriages and even more failed adoptions. The book is appropriate for women at any stage of infertility, though she writes mostly for a general audience and less for specific problems within infertility.

The structure of each chapter of Ms. Saake's book is a passage (usually a single verse) of scripture, a historical fiction retelling of Hannah's story (the mother of Samuel), Ms. Saake's writings on the subject of the chapter, probing questions on the subject at hand, a list of scriptures for meditation, and a passage (never more than a page) written to the loved ones of people struggling with infertility, designed to give the loved ones special insights and ways to support their friend or family member.

One thing I appreciate about Ms. Saake's book is her conversational tone. The book is a very easy read, and Ms. Saake's pen flows as easily and comfortably as I imagine her tongue would if she were sitting with you having a cup of coffee. Throughout the reading, I felt as if I were sitting across the table from a friend as she shared some of her innermost thoughts. This put me at ease to explore my own thoughts, agreeing with her in most cases, disagreeing with her in others, and overall deepening my intentional thoughts on our own journey.

The historical fiction retelling of Hannah's story from I Samuel 1 is designed to explore the thoughts Hannah (and occasionally some of the other main characters) may have had as she grieved her way through her own infertility journey. Through the process, the reader develops a kinship with the biblical heroine, taking comfort in the fact that though she lived thousands of years ago, her struggle was largely the same as that of a woman today and is not unknown to the heart of God.

As Ms. Saake divulges her own history and feelings, the reader is taken on a journey through exploring anger, jealousy, fear, bitterness, grief, disappointment, stress, hope, and intimacy with the Almighty. She tackles issues from fear, to bioethics, to the strength of the marital relationship, and most importantly, the infertile couple's walk with God. She is sensitive and gentle while still bold with her convictions.

There is no false piety at all in Ms. Saake. Everything is brutally honest yet still respectful of the sovereignty of God. On more than one occasion, I felt like I was reading my own thoughts simply penned by Ms. Saake's hand. There was comfort and validation in "aha! someone else has felt this way too!"

Ms. Saake does not dwell in the depths of her feelings. She provides thoughtful scriptural encouragement while at the same time refraining from giving pat answers and comfort cliches. She adds her own thoughts and insights as revealed to her through meditation and experience.

My favorite passage in the book reads:


She [the woman at the well] sought happiness in the arms of men. Jesus provides peace that could be found in none other than Himself.

I sought joy in the new life of a baby. Jesus offers New life in Himself.

I wanted to know the feeling of carrying another soul inside my body. He provides the Holy Spirit to indwell me.

I longed to nurse a child. Paul wrote, "Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good" (1 Peter 2:2-3).

I dreamed of watching my baby grow and mature. But am I ever-growing in Christ? "Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil" (Hebrews 5:13-14).

I bemoaned the "bread of adversity" I felt unfairly called to taste. The Lord answers with the cross: "And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, 'This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me" (Luke 22:19).

I pleaded for a child to enrich my days on earth. He commands, "But store up for yourselves treasure in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:20-21).

p 95



Ms. Saake does not promise anyone a happy ending. She admits that even though she now has two living, biological children, the scars of infertility will always leave an ache in her heart. The journey God has taken her on through this process has not been completed or nullified by the successful conception and birth of children. I would guess that this would be of special comfort to those either struggling with secondary infertility or who still feel a loss that their family is not what they imagined or hoped it would be.

She exhorts the reader,

While Satan imprisons some with bondage to past sins, he can entangle others in what seems to be a good and righteous goal, causing them to lose sight of God in the midst of self-evaluation.
p 49



That hit me as especially poignant because I've been stewing so much about this lately that I need to guard my own heart against making motherhood my idol. That is an important challenge for every mother, mother to be, or mother at heart.

I found some of the "Burden Bearer" passages (written to friends and family members of infertile couples) to be helpful, and others were not of particular significance to me. I appreciated her frankness with her advice of how to support, and in some cases, how to refrain from causing more hurt, on infertile loved ones. One thing that should be noted is that the passages are to be read in conjunction with the rest of the book and are not intended to be read independently.

My primary critique of the book is that each chapter is very brief. Just when I thought "ok, we're tackling something I'm really struggling with," Ms. Saake moves on to another subject. I longed for her to exegete the scriptural passages she offered and share more details on the HOWS of her journey and the conclusions she's made. I don't think that this is a flaw, per say, because I don't think it was ever the author's intent to give an exhaustive chronicle of infertility and so I cannot blame her for not writing as if it were. This was simply was more of a disappointment--I longed to delve deeper with my new found friend in to emotions that are for me, still raw and in need of exploration. The approach is just a matter of personal preference and I'm sure for as many as there are of women like me who longed for more depth, there are equally many women who appreciated the brevity.

However, the ease of the flow of the book makes this a very excellent, easily accessible and processed resource for pastors, ministerial staff and anyone else truly interested in learning an "insider's perspective" on infertility. One of my very favorite chapters in the book was on how the church could help break its own silence on this matter and offer comfort to those in their congregations who are burdened with this grief. I only wish it were longer!

Overall, my impression of the book is very positive. I would heartily recommend it to anyone at any stage in their infertility journey. I also recommend it as a must-have resource for any pastor. I do recommend it for loved ones of the infertile, with the disclaimer that this book is not written specifically to give you (the loved one) advice, and reading it should be done with the intention of understanding the heart of your infertile friend or family member, and not specifically equipping with you with the "how tos" of what to do as the friend (though there is some).

Brava, Jennifer! A valiant, sincere, and godly effort that is very much appreciated.

Editorial Review:

Hannah's Hope provides healing and hope for women that have faced pain of miscarriage, infertility, or a failed adoption.

Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self

David M. Brodzinsky, Marshall D. Schecter, Robin Marantz Henig

Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self David M. Brodzinsky, Marshall D. Schecter, Robin Marantz Henig Amazon Price: $10.17
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 13 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

Excellent resource for all members of the adoption triad 5 out of 5 stars.
18 of 19 people found this review helpful.

Thank goodness people are finally admitting that adoption, even if you had a great experience, still brings with it certain issues. Adoptive parents should read books like this to understand that their adopted child has special needs - so many adoptives take it as a personal affront if their child decides to search for birthparents, or even asks about them. For birthparents, it's affirmation of their loss (even if it was the best decision they felt they could make) and understanding of their surrendered child's feelings. Should be required reading for prospective adoptive parents

A Great Developmental View of the Adoptee's Life 5 out of 5 stars.
4 of 5 people found this review helpful.

If you want a general idea of what you might expect to experience from the womb to the tomb (as an adoptee), this is the book for you. I always quote Drs. Brodzinsky and Schechter when I speak. One of the most profound things they say is that adoption loss for the child is more profound than death or divorce. Yea for the doctors--if more people would only listen to their wisdom and begin seeing adoption through the eyes of adoptees. A must-have for your adoption library.

Editorial Review:

Like Passages, this  groundbreaking book uses the poignant, powerful voices of  adoptees and adoptive parents to explore the  experience of adoption and its lifelong effects. A major  work, filled with astute analysis and moving  truths.

Twenty Life Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make

Sherrie Eldridge

Twenty Life Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make Sherrie Eldridge Amazon Price: $13.59
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By: Pinon Press
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 24 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

ABSOLUTE MUST READ IF AN ADOPTEE 5 out of 5 stars.
21 of 23 people found this review helpful.

SHERRIE, THANK YOU FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL BOOK, Twenty Life Tansforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make. I cannot express enough my gratitude to you.

I am an Adult Adoptee from Hong Kong, and was abandoned on the street and lived in an orphanage for the first 2 years of my life. I was very lucky to be adopted into the US by my Caucasian American parents, whom I love very deeply.

Nonetheless, the repressed pain of abandonement and rejection has recently surfaced. I had bought other books on adoption, but they were so clinical and sterile, I lost interest in them. I never finished reading those books.

But Sherrie's book IS AMAZING. I could not put it down!!! It is very well written, deeply personal and very emotional. I needed to read EVERY WORD she WROTE. When she expressed her thoughts and feelings, she articulated unspoken thoughts I had always felt, but never could define.

She has alot of clinical information in her book, which is important for me, since I am a Ph.D. student in Neurophysiology. Being trained as a scientist, I do need to have studies to back up hypothesis or suppositions.

Sherrie's book has helped me alot to grieve and cry. Her book was hard for me to get through, b/c it triggered alot of violent volcanic emotions that had been deeply repressed. But I know that grieving and forgiveness is the key to true freedom. It is just very hard work to do. But once done, I felt 10 lbs lighter and 10 years younger!!

Sherrie's book is leading us to our divinity, wholeness, self-healing, and self-awareness... which is a painful but exhilarating journey.

Sherrie does make reference to the Bible and Christianity to guide her. Though, I am an SGI-USA Buddhist and chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo as my form of prayer to the Universal Power, her book was still very helpful to me.

Sherrie also lists many helpful Adoptee organizations in the Appendix of her book. I hope to join an Adult Adoptee Support Group to continue my journey to wholeness.

Sherrie's book is a powerful guiding light in this deeply mis-understood topic of the pain that Adult Adoptees endure. Sherrie speaks for all of us in her book, and this book has saved my life.

If you want answers, comfort, empathy, sympathy, love, support, healing, and hope in dealing with being an Adoptee, GET THIS BOOK!!! YOU WILL NOT BE SORRY!!!

Editorial Review:

Drawing on the stories of more than seventy adoptees, Sherrie Eldridge shows adoptees how to sort through complex issues associated with adoption and discover their unique life purpose and worth.

The Mistress's Daughter

A. M. Homes

The Mistress's Daughter A. M. Homes Amazon Price: $11.20
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 56 Average rating: 3.0 of 5

Searching For an Identity 4 out of 5 stars.
1 of 1 people found this review helpful.

A. M. Homes always knew she was adopted. She spent her life trying to discover where she `fit in'. When Homes was 31, her biological mother contacted her. This is the story of Homes' struggle with her identity, as well as her attempts to connect with her birth parents.

While reading this book, I was struck by just how honest Homes is about her thoughts and feelings. The basic story of her adoption is what captures your attention, but it is her powerful story telling that keeps the tale interesting. From her account of meeting her father for the first time, to conversations with her mother, and finally her search for a genealogical identity - Homes pulls you along with her on this important journey.

Editorial Review:

The acclaimed writer A. M. Homes was given up for adoption before she was born. Her biological mother was a twenty-two-year-old single woman who was having an affair with a much older married man with a family of his own. The Mistress’s Daughter is the ruthlessly honest account of what happened when, thirty years later, her birth parents came looking for her. Homes relates how they initially made contact and what happened afterwards, and digs through the family history of both sets of her parents in a twenty-first-century electronic search for self. Daring, heartbreaking, and startlingly funny, Homes’s memoir is a brave and profoundly moving consideration of identity and family.

The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the DecadesBefore Roe v. Wade

Ann Fessler

The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the DecadesBefore Roe v. Wade Ann Fessler Amazon Price: $10.20
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 9 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

my story 5 out of 5 stars.
7 of 7 people found this review helpful.

I bought this book to validate the feelings I experienced surrendering my daughter 37 years ago - although it took my breath away reconnecting with the pain, I also found I wasn't alone. A wonderful complimentary tool to those seeking therapy to cope with the loss of a child through adoption.

Not really about Roe v Wade - but good to read 4 out of 5 stars.
5 of 6 people found this review helpful.

This book is not about Roe v. Wade but is really about the lack of education on how our bodies work, how to handle your own urges and those of your partners, how to prevent pregnancy and the transmission of disease. It was good to read these interviews and to know that many of these women are now healing. Isn't it also appalling that many of the women interviewed had no explanation of what to expect during labor and delivery even when they were in a home for un-wed mothers with 'professionals'. I know that many families still do not talk about 'it' at all. We can have sex education in schools, access to birth control and understanding of how to postpone sex, avoid feeling pressured into sex and to let young people know that there will always be someone to talk to. We, our society, can help prevent unplanned and unwanted pregnancies. I felt that more of the book could have addressed what can be done now.

Editorial Review:

In this deeply moving and myth-shattering work, Ann Fessler brings out into the open for the first time the astonishing untold history of the million and a half women who surrendered children for adoption due to enormous family and social pressure in the decades before Roe v. Wade. An adoptee who was herself surrendered during those years and recently made contact with her mother, Ann Fessler brilliantly brings to life the voices of more than a hundred women, as well as the spirit of those times, allowing the women to tell their stories in gripping and intimate detail.

The Complete Book of International Adoption: A Step by Step Guide to Finding Your Child

Dawn Davenport

The Complete Book of International Adoption: A Step by Step Guide to Finding Your Child Dawn Davenport Amazon Price: $10.85
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 21 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

The go-to guide for everything you want to know about international adoption



From the initial decision—Is adoption right for you?—through returning home with your child—How can you ease the transition?The Complete Book of International Adoption takes parents step by step through the entire process of adopting a child from another country.


You will find:

• An easy-to-understand analysis of the differences between domestic and international adoption

• Advice on choosing a country, including 25 important factors to consider, such as the waiting times involved and the estimated costs for each of the top placing countries, with charts for easy comparison

• A detailed discussion of the potential health issues based on the latest research and interviews with doctors who specialize in international adoption

• Worksheets and a suggested system for preparing and organizing the extensive paperwork involved

• Parenting tips to enhance attachment and suggestions for addressing the issues that come up in raising an internationally adopted child

• Real parents’ stories and advice at every stage of the process

• Plus all of the information you need to select your agency, plan financially, prepare for the home study, travel sensibly, evaluate your child’s health and integrate your new family


More than just provide the facts, The Complete Book of International Adoption also helps parents manage the emotional rollercoaster that comes with the territory. Sensitive, wise, and often witty, this book is a must-have for any parent considering building their family through adoption.

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