Aging Parents Books - Page 2

Coping With Your Difficult Older Parent : A Guide for Stressed-Out Children

Grace Lebow, Barbara Kane

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 36 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

Do You Have
An Aging Parent Who --

• Blames you for everything that goes wrong?
• Cannot tolerate being alone, wants you all the time?
• Is obsessed with health problems, real, or imagined?
• Make unreasonable and/or irrational demands of you?
• Is hostile, negative and critical?

Coping with these traits in parents is an endless high-stress battle for their children. Though there's no medical defination for "difficult" parents, you know when you have one. While it's rare for adults to change their ways late in life, you can stop the vicious merry-go-round of anger, blame, guilt and frustration.

For the first time, here's a common-sense guide from professionals, with more than two decades in the field, on how to smooth communications with a challenging parent. Filled with practical tips for handling contentious behaviors and sample dialogues for some of the most troubling situations, this book addresses many hard issues, including:

How to tell your parent he or she cannot live with you.

How to avoid the cycle of nagging and recriminations

How to prevent your parent's negativity from overwhelming you.

How to deal with an impaired parent who refuses to stop driving.

How to asses the risk factors in deciding whether a parent is still able to live alone.

Don't Retire,REWIRE!, 2E

Jeri Sedlar, Rick Miners

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 5 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Excellent-Must Read-Valuable Tips and Information 5 out of 5 stars.
8 of 9 people found this review helpful.

I loved Don't Retire, Rewire when it was published and the second edition even has more information! This new book is filled with everything you need to know on finding your second career--the process and figuring out your passions and interests. It clearly could be read by any audience and knowledge would pour out.
Jeri and Rick guide you through the whole process and make it fun, interesting and substantial. The advice combined with real life stories, the specifics strategies to incorporate and the easy way it is written to navigate make this another true best seller! Buy it, read it and follow their plan--you will definitely see results!

Editorial Review:

80% plan to work after retirement … here’s the guide you need.

A recent AARP survey found that 80% of baby boomers plan to continue working in some form past the age of 65—either for the money or for the fun of it. Today’s retirees are looking for work situations that are mentally and emotionally rewarding. The problem is that many are not sure how to find them. This new edition helps you define what kind of work is best suited for your passions and interests, and guides them through the process of obtaining such work—whether it’s a part-time job, volunteer work, or a second career.
—Combines practical advice with stories and lessons of real-life retirees
—Covers hot-button topics that have become closely intertwined with the idea of rewiring—non- work activities, financial planning, workplace flexibility, work and family balance, and the nurturing of professional and personal relationships.

Leisureville: Adventures in America's Retirement Utopias

Andrew D. Blechman

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Total reviews: 37 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

When his next-door neighbors in a quaint New England town suddenly pick up and move to a gated retirement community in Florida, Andrew D. Blechman is astonished by their stories. Larger than Manhattan, with a golf course for every day of the month, two downtowns, its own newspaper, radio, and TV stations, The Villages is a city of nearly one hundred thousand (and growing), missing only one thing: children. More than twelve million people will soon live in these communities, and to get to the bottom of the trend, Blechman delves into life in the senior utopia. He offers a hilarious first-hand report on all its peculiarities, from ersatz nostalgia and golf-cart mania to manufactured history and the residents’ surprisingly active sex life, and introduces us to dozens of outrageous characters. Leisureville is also a serious look at a major and underreported trend, only to get bigger as the baby boomers retire. Blechman travels to Arizona to show what has happened after decades of segregation. He investigates the government of these “instant” cities, attends a builder’s conference, speaks with housing experts, and examines the implications of millions of Americans dropping out of society and closing the gates on kids.

Healthy Aging: A Lifelong Guide to Your Well-Being

Andrew Weil

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 63 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

Dr. Weil has raised dispensing health advice to an art form. Instead of making his audience feel inadequate or guilty about bad habits, he seems to subconsciously convince readers to do better merely by presenting health facts in a non-threatening way. Healthy Aging is his most scientifically technical book yet (you'll learn all about enzymes like telomerase and cell division and the chemistry behind phytonutrients like indole-3-carbinol, and the connection between cancer and other degenerative diseases like diabetes) yet by far his most fascinating.

His main mission here is to recommend "aging gracefully," which he considers accepting the process instead of fighting it. As the director of the country's leading integrative-medicine clinic (combining the best of traditional and alternative worlds), of course he disses Botox and the slew of $100-a-jar face creams out there. It's also no surprise that he focuses on proper nutrition, moderate exercise, and meditation and rest among his "12-point program for healthy aging." (Triathletes and exercise addicts should take special note of the research linking excessive exercise and ALS, or amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.) He occasionally references his earlier works, including 8 Weeks to Optimum Health. But the most eye-opening sections are those that discuss the spirituality of aging and its emotional aspects. "Aging can bring frailty and suffering, but it can also bring depth and richness of experience, complexity of being, serenity, wisdom, and its own kind of power and grace," he writes. At 63, Weil is still a bit shy of senior status, but is aging well indeed, with the legacy of his late 93-year-old mother (who's touchingly eulogized by Weil in this book) to guide him.--Erica Jorgensen

Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders

Mary Pipher

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 34 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

Mary Pipher, author of the bestselling and groundbreaking Reviving Ophelia, which charts the troubled passage of girls into adolescence, has nimbly covered yet another psychological passage: that into old age, which May Sarton called "a foreign country."

Pipher reveals that the greatest shame for today's elders--most of whom survived the Depression--is not being self-sufficient. The majority of them stoically prefer to keep their feelings to themselves, and this is why it's so difficult to convince older parents to accept or even discuss such issues as physical and mental health, finances, eldercare, or living wills. This directly conflicts with the openness of their children, who grew up in the era of "free love" and were influenced by society (and the advent of psychology in the 1950s and popularization of therapy) to talk frankly about emotions. While a boomer can easily talk with a friend about marriage difficulties or even surgery, an elder is likely to find admitting such "weaknesses" abhorrent.

Another Country includes excerpts of sessions with dozens of Pipher's psychology patients, interspersed with not-so-obvious advice for sensitively communicating with the elderly. Some interviews are grim: one woman hallucinated that rodents were running through her house; she was so desperate for company from her family, but too proud to ask them to stop by, that she invented her own visitors. But the breakthroughs in communication Pipher is able to accomplish, sometimes with the help of grandchildren as intermediaries, are startling and thoroughly encouraging. (For example, the animals the woman was imagining disappeared after she received company regularly.)

Pipher cared for her dying mother for a "horrid," guilt-filled year while this book was being written and says that she wanted "to help others in my situation feel less alone." She also aims to help each generation understand the other. In these goals she's succeeded brilliantly. Any adult struggling with issues with their parents, especially mortality, will find Another Country an indispensable source of suggestions and support. --Erica Jorgensen

The Joy of Not Working: A Book for the Retired, Unemployed and Overworked- 21st Century Edition

Ernie J. Zelinski

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 53 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

Not working is not always joyful 2 out of 5 stars.
29 of 34 people found this review helpful.

Believe it or not, I have the soul of a lazy person. I have enjoyed time off from 6 weeks to a year. I've enjoyed freedom in my work, especially now. So I totally understand the joy of Not Working.

Zelinski's book has many things going for it. For example:

(a) Too many of us are workaholics.
(b) We need structure, purpose and a sense of community, with or without a job.
(c) Work smart, not hard ("peak performance").
(d) The checklist on page 54 can be a wake-up call.
(e) We can gain several hours a week if we give up television.

But as a career consultant I am concerned about the book's core advice. Page 55: "The first day your job does not nourish and enthuse you is the day you should consider leaving. Indeed, I advise you to quit."

Pretty strong stuff! In my experience, few jobs provide daily nourishment and enthusiasm every day or even every week. I would say, "If you've outgrown your job, begin a search for alternatives. Don't do anything until you have a plan."

People do miss their jobs - even jobs they hated. I have never seen statistics, but my experience suggests at least 50% of those who quit without another job regretted the decision. One discussion list posted a note from a 40-something woman who had chosen enjoyable, low-paying jobs in the personal growth field. Now she was ready to move on, with no nest egg to fund a career transition.

Job dissatisfaction actually can be a misleading signal. Many people who seek a career change actually need to relocate geographically or work on relationships.

My biggest criticism of the book is the potentially misleading presentation of information. For example, the author mentions "a research study conducted in 2001 by Florida's Nova Southeastern University" which found that over 38% of stockbrokers making $300,000 - $1,000,000 suffered from "subclinical depression" while 28% reported "clinical depression." (Overlap? Additional? We're not told.)

Most studies are conducted by individual researchers, not universities or even departments. The author does not cite his source or indicate whether this study was actually published in a reputable peer-reviewed journal.

How was this sample of brokers chosen? What methods were used to assess "subclinical depression" or "clinical depression?" Was the depression long-term or situational? Was this study carried out in 2001 before or after 9/11? Where's the cause and effect: does the field attract individuals with a propensity to depression?

Other studies are mentioned but not cited or described in detail. For the Schnore study of retirees, I'd want to know how their satisfaction was reported and tested.

Additionally, throughout the book, Zelinski presents letters from readers. He seems to suggest that, "If these folks can do it, you can too."

But nearly all his examples come from people who took only the very first step: quitting or deciding to retire. On page 96, Zelinski writes, "Perhaps you will [say]...married people can't possibly quit their jobs like Ian did. Then go back to page 57 and read the letter [from a married man with 2 kids who quit his job]...Case closed!"

Unfortunately, the letter on page 57 was written by someone who had just marched in to his boss and quit. We don't know what happened afterward. Case not closed, in my opinion!

We do get a few examples of success: a professional who became a music busker in Toronto, someone who moved into a friend's trailer to live on $6000 a year, someone who travels cheaply, and several people who saved a stash of cash and now live comfortably from investments or a spouse's salary. Many readers (and most of my clients) will not relate to those examples.

We should also realize Zelinski writes from Canada, a country with national health care. It's not perfect, but it does open up career options. Those happily unemployed are subsidized by taxes from those who face a 50% tax bracket at surprisingly low salary levels.

I also believe that not everyone will enjoy a life of hobbies and volunteer work. Working for money gives you an edge, changing your thoughts, habits and conversations. Zelinski himself is neither unemployed nor retired: he is a full-time writer. His four-hour-a-day schedule is actually quite typical of professional authors of books. I once heard best-selling mystery author Jon Kellerman speak about writing 3 pages a day. Zelinski aims for four.

Bottom Line: Joy of Not Working is worth skimming to experience a philosophy that can be adapted to many lives. Unfortunately, the adaptation will be up to you.

Editorial Review:

Ernie Zelinski has taught more than 150,000 people what THE JOY OF NOT WORKING is about: learning to live every part of your life—work and play, employment, and retirement alike—to the fullest. In this completely revised and expanded edition, you'll learn how to create an excellent work/life balance by working less, producing more, and being more leisurely; how to gain the courage to leave a life-draining job; and, if you are recently retired or unemployed, how to bring purpose and community back to your life. Plus, new to this edition are 30 inspiring letters from readers detailing how the book helped them live a more exciting and rewarding life. Illustrated with eye-opening exercises, thought-provoking diagrams, and lively cartoons and quotations, THE JOY OF NOT WORKING will guide you to living a more exciting and rewarding life—at work and at play.

Living With Purpose in a Worn-Out Body: Spiritual Encouragement for Older Adults

Missy Buchanan

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 6 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

God is good! 5 out of 5 stars.
6 of 6 people found this review helpful.

God is good! And God has blessed Missy Buchanan with the ability to relate what it is to be one of the frail elderly. My mother died last year at the age of 93, and reading through Missy's pages I am reminded again and again of how she endured those years of her failing health with such hope and grace.
I plan to share her book with the Stephen Ministers in our church, as several are caring for some of our older church members. It is perfect for this ministry.
Marilyn Hamilton
Dallas, Texas

Editorial Review:

LIVING WITH PURPOSE IN A WORN-OUT BODY is an exploration of the inner life shared by many persons in nursing homes and retirement centers. With compassion and honesty, Buchanan gives voice to mingled feelings of loss, gratitude, resignation, courage, loneliness, and love. Buchanan lets readers know the difficult feelings of those living an assisted life: the ambivalence about being alive so long, the struggle against self-pity, the frustrations of limited strength and movement. She also mines the joys of living: laughter among friends, seeing grandchildren grow up, sifting through happy memories. Well chosen passages from the Psalms and New Testament stir feelings of hope and a trust in God's will, allowing the reader to respond with the joy and fortitude of faith.

Gracefully: Looking and Being Your Best at Any Age

Valerie Ramsey, Heather Hummel

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Total reviews: 8 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

Discover the Art of Aging Gracefully

At age sixty-eight, cover model Valerie Ramsey is the new face of beauty. She has appeared in magazines and ad campaigns and on runways and television. Now, in her wonderfully inspiring new book, Valerie shares a lifetime of hard-earned wisdom, insider secrets, and practical advice on how to look and feel your best--inside and out--at any age.

Gracefully includes:

• Proven nutrition secrets for staying slim and healthy
• Professional beauty tips for looking your best
• Personal visualizations for living your dreams
• Positive workouts for your body, mind, and soul

"Gracefully is simply wonderful. Valerie Ramsey is living proof that being older than fifty can be exciting, healthy, and sexy."
--Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of Mother-Daughter Wisdom, The Wisdom of Menopause, and Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom

"Valerie Ramsey is the new face, style, and attitude of aging. In Gracefully she inspires us to bring out the best in ourselves--physically, mentally, and spiritually--in order to make the fifty-plus years the best years of our lives. A terrific, uplifting, and informative book."
--Ken Dychtwald, Ph.D., president and CEO of Age Wave and author of Bodymind, Healthy Aging, The Age Wave, and The Power Years

"I like the snappy way this gal thinks. She sends out a powerful message!"
--Rue McClanahan, Emmy Award-winning actress and author of My First Five Husbands . . . and The Ones Who Got Away

Buckets of Money: How to Retire in Comfort and Safety

Raymond J. Lucia

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Total reviews: 18 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

A proven way to financially prepare for retirement

Are you wondering if you can make your retirement savings last?
Concerned about inflation reducing your purchasing power?
Worried about the stock market's violent swings?

In Buckets of Money: How to Retire in Comfort and Safety, nationally recognized Certified Financial PlannerTM and radio personality Ray Lucia offers you a smart and conservative way to protect and grow your nest egg-so you can enjoy a comfortable retirement without worrying about your money running out.

Developed by Lucia over his thirty-year career as a financial planner, the "Buckets of Money" technique is a proven way to achieve both income and growth, while guarding against the ravages of inflation. Buckets of Money is filled with in-depth insights and practical advice that will help you assess your retirement situation, save the money you need to last your entire lifetime, and adjust your plan to good times and bad.

Regardless of your age, income, net worth, or investment experience, you need to have a solid plan for your retirement years. Buckets of Money provides you with such a plan, and shows you the best way to implement it.

The Complete Eldercare Planner, Second Edition: Where to Start, Which Questions to Ask, and How to Find Help

Joy Loverde

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Total reviews: 54 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

"The simple truth about elders is this: they want their lives to be validated, and they do not want to die alone," writes eldercare consultant Joy Loverde in her preface to the second edition of The Complete Eldercare Planner. While that desire is entirely valid and compelling, there is an equally real parallel reality: caring for elders is a formidable responsibility, a sometimes daunting maze of financial, medical, personal, legal, and logistical issues. Acutely aware of both truths, Loverde's goal is to provide the caregiver the support and efficient, practical guidance he or she needs to be able to enjoy the often-rewarding and moving experience of caring for an aging loved one. And in an era when the fastest growing segment of the population is those 80 and older (among those, the majority are women), it becomes increasingly important for caregivers, who are themselves one day going to need care, to be informed about eldercare facts.

With a clarity and authority that comes from years of consulting experience, Loverde shares techniques and step-by-step tactics for all aspects of eldercare, from how to first broach the topic with an elder that he or she needs care and finding the best insurance coverage to emergency preparedness and managing the process of dying. Thirteen chapters are organized by a series of plans that instruct and advise the caregiver on how to research, prepare for, and manage a particular issue. An "Action Checklist" and, when applicable, a list of low-cost or free resources punctuate each chapter's end. The chapters on legal matters (estate planning, insurance fraud), money (cost-cutting strategies), and insurance (options beyond Medicare, supplementary coverage, long-term policies) will be particularly helpful to those first grappling with their elder's financial position. While on occasion Loverde's recommendations may seem vague--in some cases there are too many variables for the author be more specific without sacrificing relevancy to all readers--The Complete Eldercare Planner is an accessible, comprehensive, and thoughtful resource that will inspire caregivers in their pursuit of quality health care for the aging. --Rebecca Wright