Gender Books - Page 5

When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships

David Richo

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 5 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

In this book, psychotherapist David Richo explores how we replay the past in our present-day relationships—and how we can free ourselves from this destructive pattern. We all have a tendency to transfer potent feelings, needs, expectations, and beliefs from childhood or from former relationships onto the people in our daily lives, whether they are our intimate partners, friends, or acquaintances. When the Past Is Present helps us to become more aware of the ways we slip into the past so that we can identify our emotional baggage and take steps to heal it.

Drawing on decades of experience as a psychotherapist, Richo helps readers to:Understand how the wounds of childhood become exposed in adult relationships—and why this is a giftIdentify and heal the emotional wounds we carry over from the past so that they won't sabotage present-day relationshipsRecognize how strong attractions and aversions to people in the present can be signals of own own unfinished businessUse mindfulness to stay in the present moment and cultivate authentic intimacy

Things I Want My Daughters To Know: A Small Book About the Big Issues in Life

Alexandra Stoddard

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 11 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

A Reasonable, Mature Voice. Great Gift Book 5 out of 5 stars.
17 of 17 people found this review helpful.

I picked up this book because of the title. I have daughters. There are 'things' I want them to know. Upon reading the Foreword, I grew a little nervous. The tone seemed rather patronizing, and I felt like I was about to get a lesson in what a rotten mother I am. The author writes: "No mother can have a relationship with her children without some heartaches and significant differences of opinion. With my own daughters I embrace our differences as well as the things we share in common." Well, yes, that WOULD be the ideal.

What follows beyond the Forword, where the author more or less introduces her qualifications for writing a book filed with advice, is just that. Lots of useful advice for getting through life. The conversational and rational writing style immediately allowed me to GET OVER MYSELF, and just enjoy the various topics. I found it hard to disagree with anything she wrote. Everything is based on the author's experience, and much of it is universal. The suggestions, "It's Easier to Get into Things Than It Is to Get Out of Them," or "In Really Tough Times, Regularly Take Time Off," for example, are pearls of wisdom for mothers to not only pass onto their daughters, but also to remind themselves of every now and again.

This is a well written collection, with a mature and rational sensitivity. It's an excellent gift book--for our daughters, and our friends who have daughters, and, of course, for mothers too. I recommend it.

"When you've made your point, sit down," reads the last entry. So, I will.

From the author of "A Line Between Friends," McKenna Publishing Group.

Editorial Review:

Thus Alexandra Stoddard introduces this book of simple, profound truths for joyful living. Stoddard, a mother, grandmother, and noted author on personal fulfillment, offers new ways to nurture ourselves, celebrate life's joys, and grow through its challenges. By turns wise ("Give anonymously"), controversial ("Unplug technology with no apologies"), affirming ("Tell yourself you have done nothing wrong"), and humorous ("When you discover something you love, stock up"), these are insights from a woman who has truly lived and learned—and found happiness along the way.

The Next Fifty Years: A Guide for Women at Midlife and Beyond

Pamela D. Blair

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Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Personal Health -> Aging -> General AAS

Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 15 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

A Workbook Sprinkled With Flashes of Humor 5 out of 5 stars.
3 of 3 people found this review helpful.

I liked this workbook. It is comprehensive and divided into four sections: Thoughts, Cultural Attitudes and Myths about Women Aging; Who we are, Who and What We Live With; and Looking Forward. In her introduction, Blair suggests that we skip sections which do not apply to us. All of her short essays are followed by space in which to respond to questions such as "how does this feel?" or, more specifically, asking for a response to the issue addressed.

There were sections which did not pique my curiosity and I did read through those quickly. However, on a whole, the issues addressed are those which we, as women in the second half of life, should be thinking about. Her style gives us an opportunity for reflection, but does not ask us to spend hours thinking and writing. One could work through a section or even a few pages, put it down, pick it up and still follow the flow of the concepts.

Blair's book is intended to be used as a personal journal but could be used in a discussion/writing group following the study guide in the back or any other format deemed fitting for a group of women. It is well written researched and easy to follow.

The titles of her essays are enough to entice one to read. For example: Myths to Not Live By, Changing Tempo, Aging Can Be Fun? Ages and Stages and An Attitude of Gratitude. There is a long bibliography and a study guide. Her writing is pleasing and her flashes of humor and mini-stories about herself keep The Next Fifty Years from being a dry workbook. Blair feels that "we have an assignment to make clear our role in society: to inscribe the possibilities of age on the guideposts to the future."

by Judith Helburn
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about women

Editorial Review:

Blair shares more than 150 short essays covering a wide range of topics relating specifically to women and aging. Encouraging women to re-envision their lives for the road ahead, Blair explores our own attitudes and cultural myths about aging, and helps us work through our own self-limiting beliefs. She even includes a special section examining love and relationships, along with tips on managing finances and sharing our decisions with family and friends. The interactive format features space to write your responses to each essay, and the book also includes a study guide for groups.

On My Own: The Art of Being a Woman Alone

Florence Falk

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 12 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

At some point over the course of the average American woman’s life, she will find herself alone, whether she is divorced, widowed, single, or in a loveless, isolating relationship. And when that time comes, it is likely that she will be at a loss as to how to handle it. As a society, we have an unspoken but omnipresent belief that a woman alone is an outcast, inherently flawed in some way. In this invigorating, supportive book, psychotherapist Florence Falk aims to take the fear, doubt, confusion, and helplessness out of being a woman alone. Falk invites all women to find their own paths toward an authentic selfhood, to discover the pleasures and riches of solitude, and to reconnect with others through a newfound sense of self-confidence.

Like so many women before her, Florence Falk found herself divorced, alone, and unsure of herself. Soon she realized that by embracing her solitude for what it was—a potentially enriching and life-altering experience—she could turn what once would have felt like “loneliness” into a far more positive and empowered “aloneness.” Falk notes that each of us has two opposing drives: one causes us to yearn to make close connections with others, and the other pulls us back into ourselves, into the need for selfhood and certainty that can only be shaped through solitude. In order to be whole, she says, we must heed both of those impulses. But in our modern culture, the former is stressed while the latter is neglected, even vilified. On My Own boldly shifts that paradigm.

With inspiring, intimate stories of women from all backgrounds, Falk illuminates the essential role that being alone plays in women’s lives. Whether she is in a stable relationship or on her own, every woman must learn to be by herself; for if she can be fully free, unfettered by society’s stigmas about being alone, life and all its possibilities will open up for her. And as Falk demonstrates, once a woman has discovered the richness of solitude, she is not likely to give it up so easily.


From the Hardcover edition.

Cunt: A Declaration of Independence Expanded and Updated Second Edition

Inga Muscio

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Total reviews: 104 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

An ancient title of respect for women, the word "cunt" long ago veered off this noble path. Inga Muscio traces the road from honor to expletive, giving women the motivation and tools to claim "cunt" as a positive and powerful force in their lives. In this fully revised edition, she explores, with candidness and humor, such traditional feminist issues as birth control, sexuality, jealousy between women, and prostitution with a fresh attitude for a new generation of women. Sending out a call for every woman to be the Cuntlovin’ Ruler of Her Sexual Universe, Muscio stands convention on its head by embracing all things cunt-related. This edition is fully revised with updated resources, a new foreword from sexual pioneer Betty Dodson, and a new afterword by the author. "Bright, sharp, empowering, long-lasting, useful, sexy...."—San Francisco Chronicle "... Cunt provides fertile ground for psychological growth."—San Francisco Bay Guardian "Cunt does for feminism what smoothies did for high-fiber diets—it reinvents the oft-indigestible into something sweet and delicious."—Bust Magazine

The Broken American Male: And How to Fix Him

Shmuley Boteach

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Total reviews: 5 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

Why do American husbands come home from work too exhausted to interact with their families? When did a healthy quest for prosperity become a twisted game no one can win? How did BlackBerries and internet porn become more interesting to men than their flesh-and-blood spouses?

Shmuley Boteach has made a great study of how families live today—both in his work as a rabbi privately and as host of TLC’s “Shalom in the Home”.  He’s discovered a disturbing common thread in the families he meets: men responding to the pressure of competition in their work lives by turning away from their loved ones.  In a world that judges men by the size of their paychecks and the wattage of their fame, it’s all too easy to lose sight of what is truly valuable in life.  Men who consider themselves failures and don’t love themselves turn into stressed-out dads, distracted husbands and miserable human beings. For these men, alcohol, the internet and sporting events serve as numbing stand-ins for read life.

In THE BROKEN AMERICAN MALE, Boteach doesn’t just outline the problems facing marriages and nuclear families.  He also offers practical, inspiring solutions, showing how wives can reach out to their husbands, helping them become heroes again to their own families.

 

Men's Lives

Michael S. Kimmel, Michael A. Messner

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 7 Average rating: 3.0 of 5

Which Men's Lives are they talking about? 1 out of 5 stars.
14 of 47 people found this review helpful.

Don't let the fact that this book is edited by two men fool you. This book treats white, heterosexual men as sadistic oppressors and is driven by a women's studies/feminist and sometimes Marxist agenda.

You can get the complete summary of the book from this quote contained in it: "Heterosexual men maintain their status by the oppression of gay men; middle-aged men can maintain their dominance over older and younger men; upper-class men can exploit working-class men,; and white men can enjoy priviledges at the expense of men of color."

(I am not sure here whether a middle aged gay man dominates a young heterosexual, but I digress...)

If you want to find a positive image of (non-gay) men it is not here.

Articles include (with a quote from each article):

Men on Rape , "Rape may be America's fastest growing violent crime; no one can be certain because it is not clear whether more rapes are being committed or reported." (uh, so therefore let's just assume it is true as a basis for the article...)

Getting Off on Feminism, "There has to be a difference between being straight and being a breeder. And breeding is just one of the many assumptions that our culture applies to male heterosexuality." (Written by a feminist male who is really much too worried about what all his feminist pals think of him)

Life Styles of Gay Husbands and Fathers, no quote. A balanced article about the experiences of males who figure out they're gay after being married and having children. This book has a very high gay to straight ratio in articles however that overstates the prevalence of homosexuality among men.

Fraternities and the College Rape Culture, "A rape culture is strengthened by rules that permit alcohol only at fraternity parties. Under this system, men control the parties and dominate the men as well as the women that attend." (This actually was an evenly balanced article that focused on how to structure organizations and events to reduce the potentiality of rape)

The Fathers' Rights Movement: Contradictions in Rhetoric and Practice, "Indeed, fathers want to play a role in their children's lives, but for most, that role is merely a continuation of their predivorce role of the traditional father who exercises his power and control." (the "but for most" helps the authors dismiss my anecdotal evidence of being a single parent. Note we can say "single mother" easily and understandably but "single father" requires explanation so we have to resort to "single parent".)

The grammatical errors in the quotes are from the book and are not typos.

Some articles use made up statistics, gross generalities, and outright distortions to make their point. Many of the articles are balanced in and of themselves but, taken as a whole collection in this book, present a distorted view of "Men's Lives."

Editorial Review:

Edited by two of the field's most prominent researchers, this best-selling reader on men and masculinity contains the most current articles available. Organized around themes that define masculinity, this reader takes a life-course perspective, using the idea that men (as well as women) are "gendered" and that this gendering process is a central experience for men.

20-Something, 20-Everything: A Quarter-life Woman's Guide to Balance and Direction

Christine Hassler

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 21 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

Are you wrestling with a sense that you haven’t done enough? Or you’ve done it all and don’t know what’s next? If you’ve ever wondered why you aren’t enjoying "the best years of your life," and why you’re still mired in confusion about the choices you’ve made or need to make, this book is for you. Faced with a career she worked hard to achieve but didn’t like and the disintegration of her relationship, author Christine Hassler started talking to other twenty-something women and discovered a pattern. Many women in their twenties (and thirties) feel unsettled and struggle to reassess their positions on what Christine calls the "twenties triangle": Who am I? What do I want? How do I get it? Throughout the book these questions become opportunities to identify and explore dreams and values. Rather than feeling overwhelmed and frustrated, readers can turn questions into maps that lead toward creating a career, a relationship and a life that fits just like a favorite pair of jeans.

How to Succeed With Women

Ron Louis, David Copeland

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 284 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

In Spite of the Critics,This Book WILL Help you if you're a "Nice Guy!" 5 out of 5 stars.
3 of 3 people found this review helpful.

In light of some of the reviews I've read here,I felt the need to add my two cents if you will,Seeing as how in my opinion this book doesn't get a fair shot...

I first bought this book in 2001,shortly after September 11,at point in my life when I felt I needed to make a drastic change.I was 28 at the time,painfully shy,and just out of a rather tumultous relationship with a much older woman with several kids (none of them mine...) I felt unattractive,overweight...Besides my freinds and family,I wasn't a terribly social person,and felt as if there was no chance for me to meet a woman who I truly would want to be with.

I did,however,have lots and lots of female "friends" who felt totally comfortable telling me about their dating problems,and of course I listened to them faithfully,hoping one day one of them would miraculously see me as their knight in shining armor...That happened once,but eventually with disastrous results.

Once I read this book,I came to a realization that my family and fellow "Nice Guy" friends never clued me in on...That most people,male and female,DATE before they settle upon someone.That may mean there's sexual interaction along the way,or it may mean that one person falls deeper in love than the other...But it doesn't mean that your first is your one and only,and if you should happen to lose someone along the way,if you're a person with a happening life and confidence,you'll eventually find someone new,when you're ready to.

Nice guys in particular truly need to read this book.I was one of them,and the section on the Fear of Hurting Women resonated with me.Because of all the accounts of bad dates and such my female friends told me,I swore in my mind that I'd never be that way,thinking that it was a good thing.NOT AT ALL.In turing nice and harmless,I essentially neutered myself in the eyes of any potential dates.

Quite a few men have an inner war with their sexuality,not in terms of orientation,but in terms of whether or not their desiring a woman is HURTING a woman.This book will teach you how to see through the fog of those anxieties.

When I started acting confidently,making dating women less of a priority,and myself the top priority,then things started to change.

To the critics:

In regards to the motives of any man who reads this book,it's been said by the authors themselves in other media that the only way a man is going to be happy with his final choice in a mate is only AFTER he's satisfied with knowing what's out there.How else will he truly feel confident in his choice of a woman as a long term partner.The book says it in Plain English,IN THE LAST CHAPTER...And they DO NOT endorse cheating on a long-term partner.They also make it clear that finding someone for a lasting relationship is a matter of compromise,to some degree.She's not going to be Miss Perfect.They also stress the importance of safe sex,and not getting into hasty sex situations,complete with a breakdown of what you could contract if you don't play it safe.

And as far as some of their actal examples of tactics go...Well,okay,I have to admit,I did scowl at the use of hand puppets as a serious way of drawing women.I'm a big black man from New Jersey,and there's no way in You-Know-Where that I'm taking a hand puppet of a bunny rabbit and going to talk to ladies on Broad and Market Streets in Newark!But you can take their basic ideas and augment them...The fundamentals are the same.Maybe a hand puppet is a no go,but pushing your little baby niece in a stroller,or walking a puppy...You get the idea.

I won't rehash some of the other strong points that other reviewers have already pointed out.Just read (and watch in some cases) and judge for yourself.

When this book first came out,as far as I was aware it was the only one of its kind-serious in nature,not the "Pick up chicks" kind of book that you would find ads for in the back of smut magazines.
In recent years,there have been others-Neil Strauss,David DeAngelo,and most Notably Mystery (Erik Von Markovik) who have expanded on this format.These days,they're known as the "Seduction Community" all of their material is valid.But in my opinion,if you're a "nice guy" who's had a ton of female friends who have regaled you with tales of lustful,touchy feely men who you'd sware you'd never be like,then those other media won't help you a bit if you don't address the underlying issues.Louis and Copeland will help you do that.

In closing I'd like to say that in my younger years,I weighed perhaps around 220 lbs,and was ashamed of myself...Right now I'm TWICE that weight,and I date MUCH more now than I did when I was younger...Attractive,proactive women,with careers,goals,and exciting lives.In fact,I wish I read this book when I was 15,instead of 28.I would have avoided MANY of the dating pitfalls I wound up making,and pursued the NORMAL women who were worth the pursuit!

The book WILL help you,if you're a nice guy!!!!

JJ.
myspace.com/martinjr73

Editorial Review:

The scrious, no holds-barred answer to The Rules gives single and divorced men a step-by-step guide on how to succeed romantically with women. Contains advice on everything from flirting and grooming, to courtship, establishing intimacy, and maintaining a relationship. This is an invaluable source of information and guidance for any man unsure of the ground rules of the new "dating game".

The Psychology of Women (with InfoTrac Printed Access Card)

Margaret W. Matlin

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 1 Average rating: 1.0 of 5

extremely biased 1 out of 5 stars.
2 of 6 people found this review helpful.

This book is very clearly written by a radical feminist. She presents her opinions as facts and frequently contradicts herself. This book's title is misleading because it is predominantly a book on gender bias and sexism. Moreover, it suppresses all biological perspectives on women's behavior. I am reading this book for an undergraduate psychology class and often find it appalling and one-sided.

Editorial Review:

This highly respected, best-selling text offers students an enjoyable, extraordinarily well-written introduction to the Psychology of Women. Appropriate for students from a wide variety of backgrounds, this comprehensive book captures womens' own experiences through direct quotations and an emphasis on empirical research. Known for its balance of scholarship, readability, and inclusion of various kinds of women, Margaret Matlin continues to lead the way for the Psychology of Women course. Meticulously updated to reflect the most current research, PSYCHOLOGY OF WOMEN was written with a genuine interest in and understanding of the students for whom the book is written. Her text includes a chapter on old age as well as discussions of topics such as welfare issues, and pregnancy and women's retirement, which are central in many women's lives, but not consistently covered in other texts.