Conflict Management Books - Page 4

Custody Chaos, Personal Peace: Sharing Custody with an Ex Who is Driving You Crazy

Jeffrey P. Wittman

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 6 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Change your ex! 5 out of 5 stars.
17 of 17 people found this review helpful.

Well you may not be able to change them but...This practical, common sense guide offers communication techniques that will not only help you deal with a difficult ex-husband or ex wife, but also teaches you how to examine your own role in these sticky situations. This book offered useful advice on how to be civil when the other party is not. This book helps you communicate effectively and stay in control of yourself and your situation. If for no other reason you can learn how to minimize the conflicts between you and your ex that affect your children. This book allows you to put your children's needs first.

Editorial Review:

This empowering guide is an inspirational roadmap for the millions of men and women navigating a rocky relationship with a former spouse-while trying to maintain a healthy atmosphere for their child. Topics include:

* The 7 strategies for peace when an ex refuses to change
* Skills for taming former in-laws
* Ways to help children cope with a difficult parent
* Strategies and alternatives for focusing anger
* How to avoid hot-button issues
* How to nudge an ex to change for the better
* Ways to deal with children's questions and confusion
* The new partner's role in the old partner's shadow

This is the book for every frustrated parent coming out of a divorce who needs support in setting things right-the healthy, sensible, and sane way.

We Can Work It Out: Resolving Conflicts Peacefully and Powerfully (Nonviolent Communication Guides)

Marshall B. Rosenberg

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 2 Average rating: 3.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

In over 40 years of mediating conflicts—between parents and children, husbands and wives, management and workers, police and communities, and warring groups around the world—Marshall Rosenberg has learned it is possible to resolve conflicts peacefully, and to everyone's satisfaction. It's not compromise—it's a caring and respectful quality of connection between the parties in conflict that meets everyone's needs.

Get to the Heart of the Matter—Most of us lack the vocabulary to express what we're feeling or needing, but we are well trained at pointing fingers at others as the "cause" of our pain. When people trust that their feelings and needs are valued - and heard - it immediately helps reduce tension and hostility, opening the door for peaceful resolution. Applying Dr. Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication (NVC) process inspires genuine cooperation by focusing on the unmet needs behind the conflict. Whether you're a professional mediator or wishing to resolve a conflict with your spouse, child or colleague, NVC offers practical, usable technique to get to the heart of the issue.

Everybody Wins: The Chapman Guide to Solving Conflicts without Arguing (Chapman Guides)

Gary Chapman

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 4 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

EVERYBODY WINS is a great, quick reference guide 5 out of 5 stars.
5 of 5 people found this review helpful.

Do you ever find yourself arguing with your spouse? Going around and around about an issue with little resolve? If so, then Gary Chapman, the director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants and bestselling author of THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES, says you're not alone. In fact, every couple has disagreements. In marriage, conflict is inevitable. But arguing is a choice.

In this short, focused title, Chapman explores what's so bad about arguing and why it's important to resolve conflicts of every size. He challenges readers to identify their most painful arguments as well as which three issues have consumed the most time and energy over the past year. Chapman believes that no matter what arguments you are having with your spouse, it's essential to look for resolution. He argues that conflicts within a relationship arise out of our uniqueness.

Chapman believes that the answer to conflict resolution is not in trying to rid ourselves of our differences but in discovering how to make our differences into assets rather than liabilities. The goal of a good, healthy marriage is learning to work together as a team and discovering resolution that pulls the couple together rather than apart.

Drawing examples from his own interactions with couples as a counselor, the book offers a variety of stories that most married people can relate to. For instance, Chapman describes Iris and Jerry, a couple who decided to repaint their house. They agreed on every color until it came to painting the bathroom. That's where the argument began: Iris wanted green while Jerry preferred blue. As each spouse makes their case why their color is the best, Chapman surmises that both parties are still in arguing mode and haven't moved to resolution mode. He encourages each spouse to verbally affirm the other's ideas. In the process, each spouse softens, and in the end, they decide to paint the bathroom green and blue.

Such resolution may seem elementary unless, of course, you're the one in the situation. That's when reflecting an attitude of respect and togetherness is the most important. Chapman believes that one of the crucial aspects of resolving any argument is taking the time to listen, which opens up the door to understanding. He points out that the issue you're arguing about may not be the issue at all --- there may be charged statements or beliefs that run deeper or have more invested than you may realize. That's why asking questions and taking the time to listen is so powerful.

Each chapter closes with a section on "Putting the Principles into Practice," which offers a handful of questions for reflection. At the end of the book is "A Resolution By Which Everybody Wins," a one-page contract for spouses to sign as they seek to improve their communication and resolution skills.

The book's greatest strength --- it's brevity --- is also its greatest weakness, at times leaving the reader looking for more depth. But overall, EVERYBODY WINS is a great, quick reference guide.

--- Reviewed by Margaret Oines

Editorial Review:

Every couple has disagreements. All too often, though, when we engage in arguments, our goal is not to resolve the conflict at hand, but rather, to win the fight. Unfortunately, when you win an argument, your spouse is the loser, and nobody wants to be or live with a loser. When you resolve a conflict, your spouse becomes your friend. Good marriages are based on friendship, not on winning arguments. Now, Gary Chapman provides couples with a simple blueprint for achieving win-win solutions to everyday conflicts and disagreements. By learning how to listen empathetically, respecting each other's ideas and feelings, and understanding why particular issues are so important to their spouse, couples can find solutions that result not only in resolving the conflict at hand, but also leave both partners feeling loved, listened to, and appreciated.

The Little Book of Circle Processes : A New/Old Approach to Peacemaking (The Little Books of Justice and Peacebuilding Series)

Kay Pranis

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 1 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Big subject in a small package 5 out of 5 stars.
0 of 1 people found this review helpful.

The Little Book of Circle Processes takes on a most importanat strategy for dealing with conflict - whether in the family or in the community. And it does it very well in the limited space of this book.

Editorial Review:

Peacemaking Circles are used in neighborhoods to provide support for those harmed by crime and to decide sentences for those who commit crime, in schools to create positive classroom climates and resolve behavior problems, in the workplace to deal with conflict, and in social services to develop more organic support systems for people struggling to get their lives together. The Circle process hinges on storytelling. It is hard work, but it is an effort bringing astonishing results around the country.

Speaking Peace: Connecting With Others Through Non-Violent Communication

Marshall B. Rosenberg

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 7 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

many insights 5 out of 5 stars.
8 of 8 people found this review helpful.

Here's just one of them:

Many years ago I read "Don't Shoot the Dog!" with an
eye towards training humans using rewards instead of
punishment. Positive reinforcement sounded good, but
something about it made me suspect it wouldn't work for
people. "Speaking Peace" gave me the answer: People
don't like to be manipulated; rewards and punishments
are both methods of manipulation, so people eventually
rebel.

Editorial Review:

Using straightforward language, vivid examples and compelling stories, author and activist Marshall Rosenberg shows how the principles of nonviolent communication can literally change the way we speak with one another, leading to mutual respect and deeper understanding. Beginning with methods of resolving personal conflicts, from intimate relationships and parenting issues to workplace clashes, Rosenberg shows how these same methods can work on a larger scale, bringing peoples and nations together though his time-tested approach to resolving conflicts peacefully. Rosenberg has applied the principles of nonviolent communication in even seemingly intractable situations, including war zones such as Rwanda and Bosnia, with remarkable results. Here he shows how these principles can change not only our personal communication styles but also, ultimately, the world.

Competence in Interpersonal Conflict

William R. Cupach, Daniel J. Canary

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Editorial Review:

Conflict between people is a natural feature of the human condition. When people interact and form relationships, disagreements inevitably emerge, with both negative and positive consequences. How these interpersonal conflicts are managed powerfully affects our relationships, perhaps more so than any other kind of interaction behavior. To understand interpersonal conflict, we need to recognize the ways in which communication conveys problems between people. This text serves that purpose, focusing on disagreements between individuals in a variety of personal and social relationships, from friends and neighbors to roommates and coworkers. Readers will increase their competence at managing interpersonal conflicts in a variety of settings by increasing motivation, knowledge, and practical communicative skill.

If It Hurts, It Isn't Love: And 365 Other Principles to Heal and Transform Your Relationships

Chuck Spezzano Ph.D., Robert Holden

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 11 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

This author is very insightful 5 out of 5 stars.
16 of 16 people found this review helpful.

This book is well thought out and explained. There are 366 passages, with a title/lesson and a through explanation following to incorporate that lesson. Each is given one full page (an extra for the lucky leap year.) The author's writing is spiritual in nature and full of much wisdom. You do not have to read this book front to back but open it to anywhere, to read just one lesson for the day.

Obviously this book is way over the previous reviewers head. Heck this is a simple book with much wisdom but, you must be willing to do some self reflecting and have accountability for your actions, to make the magic of these words happen! If you do not have the patience to look within, then don't buy this book.

I'd like to address what the other reviewer ('bunnyrabbit4') found so ridicules and I find so wise. This is paraphrasing of the authors intent. Principle #168, "If I'm attracted to someone then I have a gift for them." This means when we feel a certain pull towards another we have something to offer them. There is a reason why we feel a pull towards some and not towards others. The author explains that we should not enter into a relationship with the attitude of what can I get out of it. This is not about constantly doing for another or to just keep on giving to try and win approval, God no... but being the gift without expectations attached. The gift comes from our soul. #169 "If I give up being right, I'll be happy" We are so caught up in being right that we close ourselves off and block all else out. Wanting to be right at any expense comes from an inflated ego. We would rather argue to be right, then to be happy and have love in our hearts. We don't have to win every disagreement; we need to pick our battles carefully. This is a powerful one for me and one that I hope to master some day.
The one most disliked by previous reviewer is principal #92 ..good ol' 92 about anger... We must be accountable for our own feelings. Our anger is an attempt to project on to another our own feelings, and pretend the very thing we are angry about has nothing to do with us. This is about being accountable. All anger is an imbalance in our own nature. We choose how we react to situations. A person can insult you and you can become enraged and blame your whole rotten day on them or, you can consider the source and even have pity on then. Why, because all anger is a reflection of how we treat ourselves. *Some of the titles of the lessons may not be so clear to some people but, the authors message is insightful and right on track.

Also this book is great for a single person contrasting what another reviewer said. Heal yourself before you enter your next relationship, to attract a more healthy future partnership. Restated do not buy this book if you are trying to change someone else; it is only for those that are willing to look within. Hope this helps.

Editorial Review:

In If It Hurts, It Isn't Love, author Chuck Spezzano finds truth in simple insights: What I think I need is what I am called to give. Depression is the fear that something new will leave me. When someone gets angry at me, there is a lesson for me to learn. Jealousy is a birthing place. These principles show how to look afresh at one's most important relationships, in a way that heals pain and brings love and forgiveness. After each principle, the author gives brief exercises that nudge readers further, prompting them to absorb the insights even more deeply.

Calming the Family Storm: Anger Management for Moms, Dads, and All the Kids

Gary D. McKay, Steven A. Maybell

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 5 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

Anger and confrontation are part of our lives, like it or not. The key factor in happy families is how they handle anger. This book is all about how to deal effectively with anger in families. A practical manual of helpful aids to handling the inevitable anger that every family experiences. Helps families work on the changes that will result in less anger, more effective expression of the anger you do experience, and a happier and more harmonious family environment.

Among the dozens of anger topics covered: --How anger develops, why we get angry, and the purposes anger serves in our lives. --Strategies to get anger under control quickly. --How to change your life so you don't get angry so much. --Developing and nurturing encouraging relationships in your life. --How to get along better even when you're angry. --Techniques for problem solving and family meetings. --A tool kit for discipline without anger. --A proven approach to couples' intimate communication, including anger. --Teaching children how to handle their anger with each other, and with adults. --Anger issues related to divorce, single parenting, and stepfamilies. --All-too-common problem of domestic violence.

Peaceful Living: Daily Meditations for Living with Love, Healing, and Compassion

Mary Mackenzie

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 12 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

Each of the 366 meditations in this gathering of wisdom is designed to move readers away from turmoil, strife, and divisiveness and lead them toward peace, resolution, and cooperation. This shift in consciousness is challenging, but with the words and ideas of this book, readers can assemble a collection of practical tools for peaceful living.

The learned behaviors of cynicism, resentment, and getting even are replaced with the skills of Nonviolent Communication, including recognizing one's needs and values and making choices in alignment with them.

Peaceful Living goes beyond daily affirmations, providing the skills and consciousness you need to transform relationships, heal pain, and discover the life-enriching meaning behind even the most trying situations. Begin each day centered and connected to yourself and your values. Direct the course of your life toward your deepest hopes and needs. Ground yourself in the power of compassionate, conscious living.

You're Smarter Than You Look: Uncomplicating Relationships in Complicated Times

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 4 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

She's the boss, applesauce!!! 5 out of 5 stars.
17 of 19 people found this review helpful.

In her characteristic sarcastic wit and dry humor style, Judge Judy addresses some serious topics with this entertaining book. Bringing her perspective from many years of adjudicating Family Court issues, Ms. Sheindlin could qualify as a psychiatrist as much as she is a judge. Written in a "Dear Abby" format, Judy answers many letters apparently written to her regarding family disputes over the years; an interesting twist, though, is that you get to read both of the disputing parties view on the issues, with Judy then rendering her opinion and legal advice.
There is, however, a slight undertone of "male bashing" throughout which, although perhaps occassionally justified, gets a bit annoying, and leads me to believe that the intended audience for this book is largely female. But anyone concerned about the social ills afflicting family life in the US will benefit from Judge Judy's unique viewpoints and her genuine attempt to improve the current status quo. Judge Judy, you go girl!!!

Editorial Review:

Bestselling author and star of the #1 syndicated TV show, Judy Sheindlin has ruled on hundreds of cases involving relationship disputes over the years. Now she shares her solutions to problems that plague many relationships today.

Very different from what it was even twenty years ago, the traditional nuclear family now includes exes, ex-in-laws, merged families, stepchildren, friends from previous marriages and relationships, and even pets. This can create a complex web of relationships, easily becoming a knot in today's world. Judge Judy unravels these knots for everyone in a tangle.

From the decision to marry to writing a will, Judge Judy tackles all the relationship issues that drive people crazy...and sometimes to court.