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The Bereaved Parent

Harriet Sarnoff Schiff

The Bereaved Parent Harriet Sarnoff Schiff Amazon Price: $11.20
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 26 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

An invaluable aid to any grieving parent 5 out of 5 stars.
3 of 3 people found this review helpful.

Shortly after the death of our son in 1977, I saw Harriet Sarnoff Schiff interviewed about this book on one of the morning news shows. I immediately ordered this book, and it became an invaluable tool for healing from the terrible pain of losing a child for both my husband and me.

As time has gone forward, I find myself giving a copy of this book to people who have experienced the loss of a child. It continues to be a book that offers concrete help to those of us who have endured this devastating experience.

I just ordered another copy. I will hand it to a young woman who is exactly the same age I was when I first read it years ago. My arms will wrap around her as I struggle to find the best way to extend my loving concern to her and her husband. Beyond that hug, this book is the kindest expression of sympathy I have ever found.

Nancy Shaw

Timeless advise 5 out of 5 stars.
1 of 1 people found this review helpful.

I thought that this book might be dated, however it reads like good medicine for a wound few of us acknowledge. My wife had five miscarriages, a couple were more than three months along; plenty of time to get our hopes up. Each time we attended to her needs, physical and emotional. I stuffed my disappointment and sense of loss. While reading this book I got a wealth of information about how to work through my grief around these losses.

Death: A Life

George Pendle

Death: A Life George Pendle Amazon Price: $11.16
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 5 Average rating: 3.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

The shocking new memoir from Death

At last, the mysterious, feared, and misunderstood being known only as “Death” talks frankly and unforgettably about his infinitely awful existence. Chronicling his abusive childhood, his near-fatal addiction to Life, his excruciating time in rehab, and the ultimate triumph of his true nature, this long-awaited autobiography finally reveals the inner story of one of the most troubling, and troubled, figures in history. For the first time, Death reveals his affairs with the living, his maltreatment at the hands of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, the ungodly truth behind the infamous “Jesus Incident,” and the loneliness of being the End of All Things.

Intense, unpredictable, and instantly engaging, Death: A Life is not only a story of triumph against all odds, but also a tender, moving tale of unconditional love in a universe that, despite its profound flaws, gave Death the fiery determination to carve out a successful existence on his own terms.

DEATH was born in Hell, the only son of Satan and Sin. He was educated in the Palace of Pandemonium and the Garden of Eden. Since before the Dawn of Time, he has ushered souls into the darkness of eternity. This is his first book.

OBIT. Inspiring Stories of Ordinary People who Led Extraordinary Lives

Jim Sheeler

OBIT. Inspiring Stories of Ordinary People who Led Extraordinary Lives Jim Sheeler Amazon Price: $19.46
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 9 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Obit is more than just dead people 5 out of 5 stars.
0 of 0 people found this review helpful.

Jim Sheeler's Obit is a great insight into ordinary people's lives. Jim is a picturesque writer who won a Pulitzer Prize for this book. It is an easy and entertaining read that will get you to think twice about how you live your life. Then when you finish this book try his new book Final Salute -- a much more somber yet important story that needed to be told.

Obit by Jim Scheeler 5 out of 5 stars.
0 of 0 people found this review helpful.


Outstanding compilation of ways to handle grief and a great and gentle way of honoring the fallen.

Obit 3 out of 5 stars.
0 of 0 people found this review helpful.

The book is a quick read, didn't cry at any of the stories as I thought I would :-) but the stories where o.k., not as "gripping" as I thought they would be as I could proably find some people who did alot for their community, sacrificed for their children etc. All in all, a fast read & was written well.

Editorial Review:

Most of the people in this book will die before the fifth paragraph. You probably haven't heard of any of them. That doesn't mean it s a book about nobodies. That doesn't mean it s a book about death. The obituaries collected here are at times humorous and at times heartbreaking. They shine a light into forgotten places and forgotten lives. Inside are countless lessons of life, taught by people we all pass on the street every day.

Mortician Diaries: The Dead-Honest Truth from a Life Spent with Death

June Nadle

Mortician Diaries: The Dead-Honest Truth from a Life Spent with Death June Nadle Amazon Price: $10.17
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 4 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

A Fascinating, Compassionate Look at Death from an 80-year-old Industry Insider 5 out of 5 stars.
19 of 19 people found this review helpful.

You might not expect a memoir by an eighty-year-old woman to deal with topics such as gang warfare, AIDS, racism, unplanned pregnancies, and feminism, but this one does. You also might not expect a book called Mortician Diaries to be anything but morbid, but Nadle possesses the gift of bringing her over 50-year-long career as a mortician and her lust for life to the page. She's the kind of woman who visits cemeteries when she travels, to see how different cultures treat the dead. She uses phrases like "death care industry" and urges readers to create a "dialogue on death," but never lapses into a cold, analytical account. Every page is bursting with humanity, with people who are learning how to grieve in their own way. This book is as much about psychology as it is about death.

June Nadle's Mortician's Diaries offer a rare, heartfelt, and wonderfully honest insight into the "highlights" of the career of a lifelong mortician, capturing some of the most emotionally intense and interesting stories from her years working with death. The grandmotherly Nadle doesn't shy away from the subject, and encourages her readers to openly confront and discuss death, not in an obsessive, morbid way, but to gain closure and be as prepared as possible when the time comes, even though sometimes death catches us anawares. She offers case studies, such as an elderly woman who planned every detail of her own funeral to the story of a mother clinging to her newly-dead baby, unable to accept his death despite the blood soaking his tiny body, until Nadle speaks to her mother to mother and allows her to see that her older children also need her to be present for them. Nadle does not judge her clients, but offers psychological insights into why denial rears its head and how natural it is. In "The Mother Who Risked Her Life to Grieve," Nadle tells of one service, after a gang-related drive-by shooting, that's interrupted by bullets, and the following day the trip to the ceremony is made along with patrol cars flanking the mourners.

Her case studies are fascinating, and showcase a wide swath of humanity, across cultures and relationships. Friends, lovers, husbands, wives, parents, and children mourn for those they've lost as well as grapple with their sometimes conflicted relationships with the deceased. Nadle allows each of them to work their way toward mourning rather than pushing a socially-approved agenda or timeline onto them. She handles each one with dignity and compassion, and clearly attempts to understand the often-painful mix of emotions the bereaved feel.

As someone who's always tried to escape talking about death, especially when it comes to my most loved ones, I welcomed Nadle's approach. She has seen deaths of humans and animals, often under horrific, or simply human, circumstances, and offers a brief glimpse into her wisdom and, most of all, her heart. By reading of the many who did not appreciate their loved ones during life, whether the parents who shunned their gay sons who later died of AIDS, or the father who berated his little girl for, well, not being a boy, only regretting this when she was killed by a passing car at age four, to the father who sent his 17-year-old pregnant daughter away and made her feel ashamed, one gains an appreciation for one's own family. Nadle reminds us that it's not just life versus death, but about the quality of one's life that matters. She writes: "As humans, we have the unique ability to pause, to reflect, to acknowledge life, and to be reminded of our own mortal natures. In addition to our grief, death brings us the opportunity to reassess our own lives as well as our relationships so we can vow (maybe again) to make changes we see are needed." She offers various examples of how funerals can be conducted and the value they provided to the surviving family and friends.

Though this book will most likely bring tears to your eyes, it's not solemn or overly sad, but instead is about, as she would have it, a celebration of life and all that's in it.

Editorial Review:

After 50 years in the funeral business, 80-year-old grandmother/undertaker June Knights Nadle has seen it all — at least all of what goes on before, during, and after life’s ultimate challenge. In Mortician Diaries, she combines equal doses of charm, humanity, humor, and reality to tell it like it is on this taboo subject. A kind of Prairie Home Companion set in a mortuary, the book features memorable stories of regret — “I wish I had kissed him on the morning he had the accident” — and renewal, as the lesson of facing life’s last great event is learned, or not. Some of the accounts here are funny, some sad. Some are haunting in their strangeness as they reveal the many ways in which people cope. Along the way, the reader is drawn into Nadle’s own life story as an unconventional woman who devoted herself to the dead and to those they left behind.

Death Be Not Proud: A Memoir

John Gunther

Death Be Not Proud: A Memoir John Gunther Amazon Price: $28.40
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 123 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

Less Impressive Than I Had Expected 3 out of 5 stars.
5 of 11 people found this review helpful.

A journalist and occasional novelist, John J. Gunther (1901-1970)was best known for the series of geo-political books he wrote during the 1930s and 1940s; today, however, he is best recalled for DEATH BE NOT PROUD. Published in 1949 and subtitled "A Memoir," it is a short work describing the final months of son Johnny Gunther, who died of a cancerous brain tumor in the late 1940s. Over the years many people have recommended this book to me, describing it as poetic in style, deeply touching in story, philosophical in content. Having at last read the work, I find the descriptions of it largely inaccurate and myself sharply unimpressed.

To hear his father tell it, Johnny Gunther was an entity without flaw, a seventeen year old who was charming in his shyness, brilliant beyond his years, corresponding with Einstein even as he bemoaned his lack of skill at sports, the perfect child, a paragon beyond paragons who endured great suffering with a smile. While I can easily accept the brilliance and integrity and strength of character--such people do exist--the portrait quickly becomes cloying; Gunther elevates Johnny to the level of plaster saint and it is tiresome in the extreme.

Gunther's prose is not in the least poetic; it is in fact the workman-like writing of the journalist he was. As for philosophical tone, this seems to consist of asking the time-honored questions about life and death and little more. In the end, DEATH BE NOT PROUD is the emotional purging of a grief-stricken parent who considers his loss to be unique instead of universal and therefore lacks the scope that one would really wish of this sort of memoir. Recommended, but primarily for the details it offers of the way in which cancer patients were treated in this era.

GFT, Amazon Reviewer

Editorial Review:

Deeply moving, this true story relates a father's recollection of his son's courageous and spirited battle against the brain tumor that would take his life at the age of seventeen.

Illness as Metaphor and AIDS and Its Metaphors

Susan Sontag

Illness as Metaphor and AIDS and Its Metaphors Susan Sontag List Price: $12.95
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 10 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

This book changed my life 5 out of 5 stars.
31 of 33 people found this review helpful.

This is a quote from the book that I would consider its thesis statement:

'Theories that diseases are caused by mental states and can be cured by will power are always an index of how much is not understood about a disease.
Moreover, there is a peculiarly modern predilection for psychological explanations of disease...Psychologizing seems to provide control...over which people have no control. Psychological understanding undermines the 'reality' of a disease.'

Sontag traces, historically, the ways different diseases and the people who contracted them have been viewed. She spends time discussing tuberculars--waif-like, pale, romantic--and cancer patients--repressed, the 'cancer personality,' shame--then goes on to debunk these notions by stating that once the cause, cure, innoculation is found, the 'myth' or popular psychology of the disease no longer holds.

In this edition, in the final chapter about AIDS and its metaphors Sontag writes that she'd written the first part of the book (all but the AIDS chapter) while a cancer patient and in response to reactions she saw in fellow patients. She saw guilt and shame; and she saw these as impediments to people's treatments. For she knew she had an illness and she set about to cure it medically, in the best possible way, while others passively accepted the 'metaphor' handed to them and, thus, did less to help themselves best. She felt frustrated or saddened by their psychologizing and self-blame and wished to write to others that their physical illness is a physical illness and the best route to recovery is to think only of how to find the best medical treatment.

And she wrote this by demonstrating the history of myths that surrounded illnesses and the way these myths evaporated as soon as its true mechanism (the virus, or otherwise) was found.

Some holes in her argument can be found in the field of Health Psychology, which has proved that optimism generates faster post-operative recovery or a heartier immune system, among other 'psychological' correlates of disease to illness. Still we speak of a "type A" personality and a possibility of a heart attack, etc., which I believe is not entirely unfounded -- stress creates a drop in immune response and other health deficiencies.

However, I am a patient and a former psychotherapist. I was reared in psychology as others are toward priesthood. I grew up sent to therapists for any ills and was raised with the thought I be nothing but a therapist when an adult -- which I did become. Then I became diabled, from physical injury. My own disability is largely pain-related; the pain is severe and in locations that make it impossible to function. Much of my injury does not show up on contemporary tests -- EMG's, CAT scans, MRI's, bone scans, sonograms.

So I turn to psychology. I know I've got a physical injury. But if it can not be cured (and I go back to my original quote: that which is least understood, we psychologize), perhaps I am, in part, a cause of it. This had been a comforting notion to me: if I can do this to myeslf, I can also undo it. For me, psychologizing helped put me in the driver's seat.

Sontag at first put me in the driver's seat in a new, determined, knowing way. I know my injury is not something that is "in my head." At first, Sontag's argument was a weight off my shoulders, an eye-opener. I underlined the passage above: yes, that's right; they don't know what's wrong with me so they blame me. A doctor once said to me: "When I can't find anything wrong with someone I assume there is nothing wrong with her."

Sontag set me in motion. She went into motion, knowing cancer wasn't a word to whisper (remember when we whispered that 'c' word?), but something to pursue with a vengeance. Her book was liberating. I know I don't want to be sick, unable to do the things I want to, regardless of how neatly one can analyze my personality and show otherwise. This is physical.

Then reality. I've got sometihng and it isn't curable and it is debilitating. I am in doctors' offices all the time; fighting beaurocracy all the time. I wanted my psychologizing back. My security blanket had been removed with this "epiphany" of sorts. If it's not in my head, and I can't cure myself, and doctos can't cure me, I'm incurable. Her philosophy, then, became saddening.

I began to analyze her: perhaps she recovered so well because of her strong personality, her [psychological] strength. It's a chicken/egg question.

Sontag writes things that are clear and other things that can be argued. Overall, her essays have changed societal thought -- from Against Interpretation to On Photography to Illness as Metaphor and various others; she is brilliant and a powerfully good writer. Anyone who can make us look at something in a new way, make us think something through in a new way, is easily well-worth reading.

Anyone who is ill, particularly chronically, undiagnosed or misunderstood should read this book. Agree with it or not, but read it. Read others that say the opposite, read about your own illness, but read this book: I would call it mandatory.

Editorial Review:

Brimming with humane and original ideas about a  disease and the modern condition, this classic  essay and its sequel -- written 10 years later -- are  compassionate exhortations and a liberating event.  "Taken together, the two essays are an exemplary  demonstration of the power of the intellect in the  face of the lethal metaphors of fear." --  The Nation

Last Rights: Rescuing the End of Life from the Medical System

Stephen P. Kiernan

Last Rights: Rescuing the End of Life from the Medical System Stephen P. Kiernan Amazon Price: $10.17
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 17 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

“Gripping…A superb resource for boomers dealing with their parents’ final days…as well as for health-care professionals who need to hear this story from the other side.”



--Kirkus Reviews



 



With advances in medicine, technology, and daily diet and exercise practices, Americans are living longer than ever before.  We have an unprecedented opportunity for meaningful closure – free of pain, among loved ones, with our affairs in order and spiritual calm attained. Instead, most of us discover that our doctor has minimal training in providing end-of-life care, and will seek to extend life no matter how painful, expensive and futile that effort might be.



 



In Last Rights, award-winning journalist Stephen P. Kiernan shows how patients and families can regain control of the dying process, creating familial intimacy like never before.  Bolstered by both scientific research and intimate portraits of people from all walks of life, Last Rights offers a hopeful, profound vision for patients, doctors, and families: a way to honor people during their greatest vulnerability, a chance for families to reconnect, an opportunity for the medical system to treat patients with ultimate respect, a time to give comfort and compassion to those we most love. 



 

The WHEEL OF LIFE: MEMOIR OF LIVING & DYING CASSETTE: A Memoir of Living and Dying

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

The WHEEL OF LIFE: MEMOIR OF LIVING & DYING CASSETTE: A Memoir of Living and Dying Elisabeth Kubler-Ross List Price: $18.00
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Total reviews: 31 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, M.D., is the woman who has transformed the way the world thinks about death and dying. Beginning with the groundbreaking publication of the classic psychological study On Death and Dying, through her many books and her years working with terminally ill patients, Kübler-Ross has brought comfort and understanding to millions coping with their own deaths or the deaths of loved ones. Now, facing her own death at age seventy-one, this world-renowned healer tells the story of her life and explores her ultimate truth -- death does not exist.

Told frankly and with warmth, The Wheel of Life traces the intellectual and spiritual development of a destiny. In a culture determined to sweep death under a carpet and hide it there, Kübler-Ross consistently defied common wisdom to bring it into the light and hold it there for us to see and not be afraid. Driven by compassion, undeterred by obstacles, she tells us through the story of her remarkable life that free will is our greatest gift and that our goal is spiritual evolution.

In this, her final statement, Kübler-Ross exhorts us to live fully and to love. As she says, "It is very important that you do only what you love to do. You may be poor, you may go hungry, you may live in a shabby place, but you will totally live. And at the end of your shabby days, you will bless your life because you have done what you came here to do." Her story is an adventure of the heart -- powerful, controversial, inspirational -- a fitting legacy to a powerful life.

The Settlement Game: How to Settle an Estate Peacefully and Fairly

Angie Epting Morris

The Settlement Game: How to Settle an Estate Peacefully and Fairly Angie Epting Morris Amazon Price: $10.17
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 7 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

The Settlement Game: How to Setle an Estate Peacefully and Fairly 5 out of 5 stars.
2 of 3 people found this review helpful.

Being one of five siblings I was not looking forward to settling our dad's estate. I needed real life, practical help! Reading the Settlement Game was an answer to my prayers! Here is a book written by an author who has successfully setteled her parent's estate using practical ideas; she shares these ideas, gives you guidelines and tools so that you actually have something to work with. I felt like I had a friend to help me. Giving each member in the family a copy of the book helped them to know what to expect too. The Settlement Game not only helped me with my father's estate but it will be a great guidline in organizing my own estate. I am defintely refering the book to friends. Each one of us will someday have an estate that will need to be settled; I recommed this book to anyone who cares about keeping peace and harmony in the family.

Editorial Review:

Dividing an estate fairly may sound easy, but in fact very few people know how to do it. Because of this, an event that should be dedicated to remembering the good times and paying honor to the deceased often becomes a time of strife and divisiveness, resulting in bad feelings that can sometimes last a lifetime. Now, there is a resource that helps to avoid such conflicts. The Settlement Guide provides clear, useful advice about how to divide the family estate of the deceased parents in a fair and peaceful manner.

To Die Well: Your Right to Comfort, Calm, and Choice in the Last Days of Life

Sidney Wanzer, Joseph Glenmullen

To Die Well: Your Right to Comfort, Calm, and Choice in the Last Days of Life Sidney Wanzer, Joseph Glenmullen Amazon Price: $10.20
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 5 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Medical commonsense at last ! 5 out of 5 stars.
13 of 13 people found this review helpful.

At last! Two doctors have written a right-to-die book with the patients' interests first. Very readable by the lay person, bundles of good advice on how a patient's best interests should be protected, and straightforward reporting on euthanasia and assisted suicide. Recommend for instant reading, and filing away for future problems. -- Derek Humphry ('Final Exit')

It promises to be an essential addition not just for medical libraries 5 out of 5 stars.
12 of 12 people found this review helpful.

TO DIE WELL: YOUR RIGHT TO COMFORT, CALM, AND CHOICE IN THE LAST DAYS OF LIFE comes from a leader in the right-to-die movement, and a Harvard Medical School psychiatrist who offer insights on turning points in a dying patient's life: one when no reasonable expectation of a cure is possible, the second involving hastening death - the subject of this book. TO DIE WELL focuses on patient rights, physician involvement, and how to stay in control of advance directives. It promises to be an essential addition not just for medical libraries, but for general-interest collections.

Editorial Review:

Knowing our rights to refuse treatment, and ways to bring death earlier if pain or distress cannot be alleviated, will spare us the frightening helplessness that can rob our last days of meaning and personal connection. Drs. Wanzer and Glenmullen clarify what patients should insist of their doctors, including the right to enough pain medication even if it shortens life. Everyone needs their wise and comforting advice.

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