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The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence Amazon Price: $14.93
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By: Phoenix Audio
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 10 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

A must-read for all 5 out of 5 stars.
0 of 0 people found this review helpful.

Women and men alike should read this book. Gavin de Becker gives names and numbers to the alarm bells women too often ignore, and helps lay out some of the differences between the sexes' experiences of their surroundings. When I first encountered this book, as an excerpt in a magazine, I photocopied it for my coworkers to read. Only two people voiced negative reactions to it. One was my then-boyfriend, who turned out to be an obsessive, overbearing manipulater fueled by insecurity. The other one - believe it or not - wound up stalking me for months.

I got him to stop by following Mr. de Becker's advice.

Invaluable for women 5 out of 5 stars.
0 of 0 people found this review helpful.

This book is wonderful help for women, in particular, to assess and respond to potentially dangerous situations. I am sure it would benefit men, as well, to read the book, but it especially struck home to me, as a woman. I will give it to my daughters.

Editorial Review:

The man whom Oprah Winfrey calls "the nation's leading expert on violent behavior" shows how to spot even subtle signs of danger before it's too late. Abridged. 3 CDs.

Working Through Conflict: Strategies for Relationships, Groups, and Organizations (6th Edition)

Joseph P. Folger, Marshall Scott Poole, Randall K. Stutman

Working Through Conflict: Strategies for Relationships, Groups, and Organizations (6th Edition) Joseph P. Folger, Marshall Scott Poole, Randall K. Stutman Amazon Price: $72.90
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 2 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Fascinating, challenging, informative 5 out of 5 stars.
9 of 10 people found this review helpful.

If you are looking for quick fixes and simplistic solutions to conflict this book is not for you. The highly analytical approach illuminates the complexities of conflict management. Folger et al do an excellent job exploring the theoretical and psychological background necessary to evaluate the implicit and explicit causes and conditions involved in and effectively pursue solutions to disputes at mutiple levels. You wont find this book on the NY Times bestsellers list because it is a textbook. Graduate student and practiotioners can expect to draw upon it as an invaluable resource. Unlike most of those popular books this book doesn't just 'get you to yes', it actually has more weight and substance than most everything else out there. If you want a popular book on the topic of conflict that most non-professionals will find approachable read "Difficult Conversations." You will find it enjoyable and highly accessible.

Editorial Review:

Covering the whole range of conflict settings--interpersonal, group, and organizational--Working Through Conflict provides an introduction to conflict management that is firmly grounded in current theory and research. Encompassing a broad spectrum of theoretical perspectives, the text includes an abundance of real life case studies that illustrate concepts and help students learn how to apply theory. The Sixth Edition of this engaging and comprehensive text has been thoroughly revised to be even more accessible to students.

The Color of Violence: The Incite! Anthology

The Color of Violence: The Incite! Anthology Amazon Price: $14.60
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 1 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

What would it take to end violence against women of color? How does the mainstream antiviolence movement help? How does it hinder? When will we admit that repositioning women of color at the center of the movement— women more often harmed by the police, prisons, and border patrols than aided by them— means that we must address state violence?

In Color of Violence, INCITE! demands that we • reconsider a reliance on the criminal justice system for solving women’s struggles with domestic violence; • acknowledge how militarism subjects women to extreme levels of violence perpetrated from within, and without, their communities; • recognize how the medical establishment inflicts violence—such as involuntary sterilization and inadequate health care—on women of color; • devise new strategies for cross-cultural dialogue, theorizing, and alliance building; • and much, much more.

INCITE! Women of Color Against Violence was born in 2000, when more than two thousand dedicated activists from diverse communities came together to end the war being waged on women of color in the US and around the world. Now the largest multiracial, grassroots, feminist organization in the United States, INCITE! boasts chapters in more than 20 cities. Color of Violence: The INCITE! Anthology presents the fierce and vital writing of 32 of these visionaries, who not only shift the focus from domestic violence and sexual assault, but also map innovative strategies of movement building and resistance used by women of color around the world. At a time of heightened state surveillance and repression of people of color, Color of Violence: The INCITE! Anthology is an essential intervention.

Lady Q: The Rise and Fall of a Latin Queen

Reymundo Sanchez, Sonia Rodriguez

Lady Q: The Rise and Fall of a Latin Queen Reymundo Sanchez, Sonia Rodriguez Amazon Price: $16.47
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 4 Average rating: 3.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

This is a raw and powerful memoir not only of one woman’s struggle to survive the streets but also of her ascent to the top ranks of the new mafia, where the only people more dangerous than rival gangs were members of her own. At age five Sonia Rodriguez’s stepfather began to abuse her; at 10 she was molested by her uncle and beaten by her mother when she told on him; and by 13 her home had become a hangout for the Latin Kings and Queens who were friends with her older sister. Threatened by rival gang members at school, Sonia turned away from her education and extracurricular activities in favor of a world of drugs and violence. The Latin Kings, one of the largest and most notorious street gangs in America, became her refuge, but its violence cost her friends, freedom, self-respect, and nearly her life. As a Latin Queen, she experienced the exhilarating highs and unbelievable lows of gang life. From being shot at by her own gang and kicked out at age 18 with an infant daughter to rejoining the gang and distinguishing herself as a leader, her legacy as Lady Q was cemented both for her willingness to commit violence and for her role as a drug mule. For the first time, a woman’s perspective on gang life is presented.

The Third Side: Why We Fight and How We Can Stop

William L. Ury

The Third Side: Why We Fight and How We Can Stop William L. Ury Amazon Price: $10.20
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 6 Average rating: 3.5 of 5

Simply the best book on mediation there is 5 out of 5 stars.
5 of 5 people found this review helpful.

This is *the* definitive book on conflict management by the uber-guru of negotiation and mediation. Ury has mediated in the Middle East, the Balkans, N. Ireland and many other places.

Fighting is natural and human, and is the ultimate approach. But it is destructive and win-lose at best. Revenge and feuding turns it into lose-lose. Ury points out how the win-lose of the agrarian society is giving way to both-win or both-lose of the knowledge society as hierarchical control is being fractured by knowledge networks.

The 'third side' is the person on the sidelines in a conflict who wants to help. Third-siders can be neighbors, neutrals, bystanders, family, friends. Event the warring parties themselves can take the third side. This book describe ten roles that this person can take.

Their goal is always to prevent conflict before it happens. Even the presence of a third person will calm conflict, but doing nothing does not optimize the help they can give.

Three strategies (and roles within each) are offered to manage increasing levels of conflict:

* Prevent (Provider, Teacher, Bridge-builder)
* Resolve (Mediator, Arbiter, Equalizer, Healer)
* Contain (Witness, Referee, Peacekeeper)

They are:
1. Provider: When there is conflict is often over scarce resources the Provider finds ways for both sides to get what they need, even deep needs such as love, safety and esteem. They can also provide knowledge to enable intelligent decisions.
2. Teacher: People often fight because they know of no other way to resolve their differences. The Teacher shows them how to handle conflict without resorting to violence and arms.
3. Bridge-builder: People in conflict often become separated by deep divides which lead to ignorant stereotyping, etc. The Bridge-builder builds ways across the dividing chasm, for example by building trust, showing how the others are human too.
4. Mediator: Where there are conflicting interests, the Mediator tries to bring them to the table. If this fails, they use shuttle diplomacy, going back and forth. Sometimes a higher authority may be able to coerce them to the table.
5. Arbiter: When there are disputed rights or when mediation fails, the Arbiter acts a judge and selects a final solution, to which both parties must agree to be bound.
6. Equalizer: Where there is unequal power, the powerful may not seek help but the powerless deserve it. Their position of greater power may cause the powerful to rethink and bring them to the table.
7. Healer: Injured relationships can fester if left alone. The Healer seeks to calm emotion and soothe hurt, for example by listening and acknowledging within a climate of healing.
8. Witness: When nobody pays attention, atrocities may be committed. The Witness needs only see and tell the truth. Just by their presence, they may also dissuade the wrong-doer.
9. Referee: When people resort to conflict without rules, people get really hurt. When you cannot stop them fighting, the Referee at least sets and polices the rules.
10. Peacekeeper: Where people are completely vulnerable, they are open to easy attack. The Peacekeeper provides safety for the victims, interpose themselves between the warring parties and enforcing the peace.

These ten roles can be played in combination, even with the same person playing more than one role.

Overall, this is a wonderful and empowering must-have book, not just for mediators but anyone who encounters or stands at any time between warring people.

Editorial Review:

According to William Ury, it takes two sides to fight, but a third to stop. Distilling the lessons of two decades of experience in family struggles, labor strikes, and wars, he presents a bold new strategy for stopping fights. He also describes ten practical roles--as managers, teachers, parents, and citizens--that each of us can play every day to prevent destructive conflict.

Fighting isn't an inevitable part of human nature, Ury explains, drawing on his training as an anthropologist and his work among primitive tribes and modern corporations. We have a powerful alternative--The Third Side--which can transform our daily battles into creative conflict and cooperation at home, at work, and in the world.

All Things Must Fight to Live: Stories of War and Deliverance in Congo

Bryan Mealer

All Things Must Fight to Live: Stories of War and Deliverance in Congo Bryan Mealer Amazon Price: $16.49
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 12 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Personal Memoir Of A Humanitarian Catastrophe 5 out of 5 stars.
2 of 2 people found this review helpful.

Bryan Mealer has penned a brutal memoir of his three years as a reporter in the Congo, three years when teenage gunboys roamed the countryside and city streets, when UN peacekeeping forces faced mystical leaders operating from jungle mountaintops, when rebel militias and government forces alike pillaged their own nation. It was a horrible time in the history of a country that has seen little else for the last hundred years.

While Mealer writes about the bloody atrocities he witnessed, the real story he tells is about himself. He's drawn back to the Congo three times, apparently addicted to the extreme discomfort and random violence he endures. His travels cover nearly the entire country from the capital of Kinshasa to the mineral-rich southern provinces to the guerilla-infested eastern region where an alphabet-soup of militias, foreign armies, and UN forces fight a never-ending war of terror, rape, and mutilation. He rides a newly-reconstructed rail line and even follows Conrad's trail up the Congo River via barge. At one point, he and his adventure-junkie buddies take off through the jungle on bicycles.

While Mealer tells us the names and stories of many Congolese he meets along the way, he never really gives much insight into them as anything other than victims. He says as much when he reflects on his bicycle journey:

"...once in the jungle, my own basic needs and level of comfort had stood in the way of learning anything. I didn't even know my riders' last names or anything about their families. I'd simply been too exhausted and hungry to care. It wasn't my proudest moment, and even now, those last days on the trail leave a sting of regret."

Still, All Things Must Fight To Live puts the reader close to the action and accurately reflects the aftermath of war and colonialism in one of the world's greatest humanitarian catastrophes.

Dave Donelson, author of Heart of Diamonds: A Novel of Scandal, Love and Death in the Congo

Editorial Review:

A foreign correspondent’s gripping account of his experiences in Congo, told through the long scope of the country’s dark and brutal history.
After covering a brutal war that claimed four million lives, journalist Bryan Mealer takes readers on a harrowing two-thousand-mile journey through Congo, where gun-toting militia still rape and kill with impunity. Amid burned-out battlefields, the dark corners of the forests, and the high savanna, where thousands have been massacred and quickly forgotten, Mealer searches for signs that Africa’s most troubled nation will soon rise from ruin.
At once illuminating and startling, All Things Must Fight to Live is a searing portrait of an emerging country devastated by a decade of war and horror and now facing almost impossible odds at recovery, as well as an unflinching look at the darkness and greed that exists in the hearts of men. It is nonfiction at its finest—powerful, moving, necessary.

Precarious Life: The Power of Mourning and Violence

Judith Butler

Precarious Life: The Power of Mourning and Violence Judith Butler Amazon Price: $12.24
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 5 Average rating: 3.5 of 5

Excellent social commentary 5 out of 5 stars.
21 of 35 people found this review helpful.

Judith Butler is a multi-talented scholar who can write for both specialized and general audiences (which is why many, I believe, envy her). This book is quite accessible and rightly so; it is concerned with the contemporary predicaments we are currently in at this point in history. An extremely important book, Butler's "Precarious Life" has much to offer.

Editorial Review:

"A book that shines with the splendor of engaged thought."—The Brooklyn Rail

Judith Butler is one of America's most daring and vibrant thinkers. In this profound appraisal of post-September 11th America, now with a new foreword, Judith Butler considers the conditions of heightened fear and aggression that followed the attack on the Twin Towers, and the US government's decision to attack Afghanistan and Iraq. She critiques this use of violence as a response to loss and grief, and argues that the vulnerability the West now feels offers a chance to imagine a world without violence, a world where the interdependency of peoples and nations becomes the basis for a global political community.

Through five impassioned and personal essays, Butler responds to the current US policies to wage perpetual war, and calls for a deeper understanding of how mourning and violence might instead inspire solidarity and a quest for global justice.

Bullies Are a Pain in the Brain

Trevor Romain

Bullies Are a Pain in the Brain Trevor Romain Amazon Price: $8.95
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 10 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Tool of Empowerment 5 out of 5 stars.
7 of 7 people found this review helpful.

Bullying can range from the insidious, verbal cruelty and exclusion which girls are notorious for to full scale violence, which occurs among both sexes.

This book is a tool of empowerment for parents, educators and anybody involved with children on any level. One thing that is VITAL to keep in mind is NEVER make light of bullies and their cruelty. That will only make the child being bullied feel that the bullying behavior is being sanctioned and that recourse is out of the question. Making excuses for bullies also compromises respect; children are hard put to feel respect for an adult who exercises such poor judgment and appears to be taken in by bullies.

Condoning bullying behavior and mouthing platitudes to the bullied, such as "can't you take a joke/s/he's only kidding/work it out for yourself/you're too sensitive" is just as harmful as the bullying behavior. Platitudes of that ilk send out a "blame the victim" message and suggest that the bullying is not a serious matter when in fact it is. Recent events and relevant studies have shown that many school shooters were bullied.

Turning the other cheek means, I believe not responding to cruelty with cruelty. Self defense is an entirely different matter. Bullies will step up their abuse if they are not kept in check. They will continue to harass their targeted victims until they get the desired response. That is why telling children to ignore bullies does not work. Bullies don't let that one work.

Trevor Romain is a genius who clearly understands a myriad of dynamics among children. His clever cartoon pictures and his question and answer section open the doors to discourse and problem solving. I like the way he encourages readers to think of what they would do if they were being bullied and also to see if they are acting as bullies towards anyone else.

An excellent book to read with children and one they are sure to come back to enjoy.

Editorial Review:

Practical suggestions and humor help kids become "Bully-Proof, " stop bullies from hurting others, and know what to do in dangerous situations.

Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life

Susan Forward

Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life Susan Forward List Price: $7.99
By: Bantam
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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 130 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

A Slightly Different Approach 4 out of 5 stars.
0 of 0 people found this review helpful.

What we experience in childhood shapes us as adults. Our parents play a major role in that. No surprises there. And plenty has been written on the topic. Susan Forward establishes her niche by encouraging readers to go ahead and get angry about... and grieve for... the various things that didn't go as we'd have hoped in childhood. She advocates confronting "toxic parents" as a way to get beyond the damage done and "reclaim your life," i.e. start living in the present, without the emotional baggage of the past. Susan also encourages readers to forgive themselves if they can't - for whatever reason - maintain a close, loving relationship with one or more parents. Most importantly, she encourages readers to put the blame where it belongs and not keep accepting the child's conclusion that "anything done to me is my fault."

This book is a nice counterpoint to others on the subject. I also highly recommend David Richo's compassionate East-meets-West book, "How to Be an Adult in Relationships - The Five Keys to Conscious Loving" for more insights on how to move beyond the past and reclaim your life.

Editorial Review:

All parents fall short from time to time. But Susan Forward pulls no punches when it comes to those whose deficiencies cripple their children emotionally. Her brisk, unreserved guide to overcoming the stultifying agony of parental manipulation--from power trips to guilt trips and all other killers of self worth--will help deal with the pain of childhood and move beyond the frustrating relationship patterns learned at home.

Prosperity and Violence: The Political Economy of Development

Robert H. Bates

Prosperity and Violence: The Political Economy of Development Robert H. Bates Amazon Price: $19.57
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Total reviews: 6 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

A study of the transformation from the violent kinship of clan society to the prosperous politics of the modern state. In his experiences around the globe—among the miners of Kitwe, Zambia, the guerrilla fighters in Sudan, and the diplomats in Bogota—Robert Bates has studied firsthand the processes of modern political and economic development. In this concise volume, he shows us how, as a culture moves from dispersed agrarian clans to the dense modern metropolis, the nature of its capital evolves, from resources of kinship and family to more material investments. But this tenuous transition can only thrive within the favorable conditions ensured by the institutions of a peaceful modern state. Inspired by his work among diverse cultures, Bates looks back over the history of human civilization and illuminates how the often-violent clash within agrarian clans has developed into the coercive systems of institutions that compose Western statehood. Ultimately, Bates hopes to apply this understanding to building states that use power effectively, and that harness ethnic diversity not for violence and political power but for greater prosperity. 3 maps.

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