Domestic Violence Books

The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond

Patricia Evans

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 229 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Extremely helpful book 5 out of 5 stars.
1 of 1 people found this review helpful.

When I was considering buying this book, I read the reviewer who said she read it on a Monday and filed for divorce on Friday. I thought WOW, that's a pretty powerful book! It took me a little longer to leave - 4 months. If you even think you are in an abusive relationship, I cannot recommend this book enough. Verbal abuse might not even involve yelling or name calling - it can be very, very subtle. The main thing is to look at how you feel in the relationship - not at what your partner is telling you you should feel. A marriage isn't a prison sentence. This book was right on target in describing all of the different types of verbal abuse and how the partner of a verbal abuser feels. It also had some great suggestions for how to move forward.

Editorial Review:

Are you now, or have you ever been, in relationships with family, friends, or mates who have been verbally abusive? Is your happiness with someone you love continually threatened by interactions that continually undermine your self-esteem? Do you feel trapped in a relationship that keeps decaying in a downward spiral of overt or passive-aggressive abuse?

If so, this book could be your life raft, either carrying you toward repair of the existing relationship or the effects of past relationships or offering liberation from your current confusion. Its practical approach can help clear your head and possibly change your life. The only criticism that I and other readers have is that the author assumes verbal abuse is almost always directed by males toward females, which, in my experience and that of others I know, is not necessarily the case. Highly Recommended.

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Lundy Bancroft

Amazon Price: $10.37 List Price: $16.00 Usually ships in 24 hours By: Berkley Trade Amazon Marketplace: 62 new & used starting at $8.75

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 195 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Astonishingly insightful 5 out of 5 stars.
0 of 0 people found this review helpful.

I am a lawyer and have worked in the criminal justice system ever since graduating from law school. I have defended men who were charged in domestic violence related offenses. I was always under the misguided perception that domestic violence was about someone being physically harmed by an intimate partner. I was so misguided that when I, myself, became involved with someone who was controlling, evil, and abusive, I did not recognize it for what it was. This book opened my eyes. It validated my feelings and experiences and pointed out to me what it was I was going through.

I dated a very dangerous man for six months. At first I thought his behaviors were "quirky" or that he was a lot more sensitive than anyone I have ever dated in the past. However, in such a short time, his charm changed from concern for my safety to monitoring my every move. He constantly accused me of having affairs, of emailing ex-boyfriends, and of having "no honor." During the short duration of the relationship, he went so far as to try and ruin my legal career by saying disparaging things about my character to my employers, isolating me from my friends and family, throwing knives across the room into the wall to intimidate me, and talking about having a suicide pact. Afterward he would always seem so sincere and apologize, and in attempts to garner sympathy, would blame his behaviors on the fact that no one understood him and that he had such a horrible childhood. However, after reading this book, I realized that all of his behaviors were for the sole purpose of manipulation, control, and isolation. He wanted to take me away from everything in my life that was safe for me so that the only person I could rely on was him. He actually tried to destroy my career. After blaming myself for not being sensitive enough to his quirks and not giving him enough slack for his violent and abusive childhood, I realized that whatever I did or however lenient I was about his behavior, he was already damaged. Just as Lundy states, because he cannot 100% recognize that he is a perpetrator of domestic violence and control, he will never change. In his mind, his actions are always justified as he is the victim and everyone else is the perpetrator.

I read this book in one day. Everything in this book made sense and related almost specifically to the most harrowing six months of my life. I realize now I am lucky to be alive. Our breakup culminated with him smashing my computer after accusing me of having an affair and then trying to smother me. Thank you for helping me realize that I did nothing to cause his actions. Reading this book has helped me understand that it was not my fault.

Domestic violence does not happen only to "certain types" of people. It can happen to anyone - regardless of education, status, or age.

Editorial Review:

"He doesn't mean to hurt me-he just loses control."
"He can be sweet and gentle."
"He's scared me a few times, but he never hurts the children-he's a great father."
"He's had a really hard life..."

Women in abusive relationships tell themselves these things every day. Now they can see inside the minds of angry and controlling men-and change their own lives. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor shows how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship, with:

€ The early warning signs
€ Nine abusive personality types
€ How to tell if an abuser can change, is changing, or ever will
€ The role of drugs and alcohol
€ What can be fixed, and what can't
€ How to leave a relationship safely

The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing

Beverly Engel

Amazon Price: $10.17 List Price: $14.95 Usually ships in 24 hours By: Wiley Amazon Marketplace: 58 new & used starting at $6.72

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 22 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

"Engel doesn't just describe-she shows us the way out."
-Susan Forward, author of Emotional Blackmail Praise for the emotionally abusive relationship

"In this book, Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step-by-step strategies to stop emotional abuse. . . helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse. This book is a guide both for individuals and for couples stuck in the tragic patterns of emotional abuse."
-Marti Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse
and coeditor of The Journal of Emotional Abuse

"This groundbreaking book succeeds in helping people stop emotional abuse by focusing on both the abuser and the abused and showing each party what emotional abuse is, how it affects the relationship, and how to stop it. Its unique focus on the dynamic relationship makes it more likely that each person will grasp the tools for change and really use them."
-Randi Kreger, author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook
and owner of BPDCentral.com

The number of people who become involved with partners who abuse them emotionally and/or who are emotionally abusive themselves is phenomenal, and yet emotional abuse is the least understood form of abuse. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, one of the world's leading experts on the subject, shows us what it is and what to do about it.

Whether you suspect you are being emotionally abused, fear that you might be emotionally abusing your partner, or think that both you and your partner are emotionally abusing each other, this book is for you. The Emotionally Abusive Relationship will tell you how to identify emotional abuse and how to find the roots of your behavior. Combining dramatic personal stories with action steps to heal, Engel provides prescriptive strategies that will allow you and your partner to work together to stop bringing out the worst in each other and stop the abuse.

By teaching those who are being emotionally abused how to help themselves and those who are being emotionally abusive how to stop abusing, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship offers the expert guidance and support you need.

Please Stop Laughing At Me...: One Woman's Inspirational Story

Jodee Blanco

Amazon Price: $10.36 List Price: $12.95 Usually ships in 24 hours By: Adams Media Amazon Marketplace: 226 new & used starting at $0.01

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 142 Average rating: 3.5 of 5

Not entirely believable 3 out of 5 stars.
1 of 3 people found this review helpful.

I found the author's accounts of bullying to be interesting and dramatic enough to keep me reading but I struggled with the believability of her experiences. Being held down and punched and kicked, suffocated and thrown into traffic exceeds bullying and ventures into the realm of assault. Perhaps in her time the bullying experiences were more severe. Kids don't get away with doing things like that twice in this day and age. I also think she may be exercising a slight bias toward herself being the complete victim without any provoking or invitation on her part. It's interesting how at each new school she started in she HAD a circle of friends almost immediately and those friends were part of the popular crowd. She also had multiple instances of boys taking interest in her. This tells me that it wasn't her looks or style that caused these friends to turn on her. She did come off as having a holier-than-thou attitude and even now in the writing style you can tell she is a bit of a braggart who demands attention. Kids in junior high and high school can pick up on this pretty easily. It's fine to have good morals but some of the occurances in the book made me roll my eyes a bit. If she would have with-held a couple of things from her mother (who in turn always went right to the teachers and other parents) she may have survived a little longer at these schools. The boy/girl party scene comes to mind first. All in all, I found it interesting but not really helpful or believable.

Editorial Review:

In her poignant work, Jodee Blanco tells how school became a frightening and painful place, where threats, humiliation, and assault were as much a part of her daily experience as bubblegum and lip-gloss were for others. It is an unflinching look at what it means to be an outcast, how even the most loving parents can get it wrong, why schools fail, and how bullying is both misunderstood and mishandled.

Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out; On relationship and recovery

Patricia Evans

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 34 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

biased thinking 3 out of 5 stars.
6 of 9 people found this review helpful.

As a counsellor I value the contribution of Patricia Evans. She outlines what abuse is in great detail, and that is very valuable, but she ignores the fact that men are as much subject to abuse (verbal and otherwise) as women are. they do not report it, and hence it is assumed that they are not victims to the same extent as women are. Studies have shown that almost an equal percentage of men suffer abuse. In my own counselling practice I have as many men as women who are victims of abuse. it takes them a long time to admit it, as they fear being labelled as weak or wimpish! I suggest that Patricia Evans amends her titles and includes women to show that she is writing about the abuse of women, and admits in her introduction the men are also abused to at least as great an extent. Indeed, my experience shows that the violence suffered by men can be greater, because women often resort to using weapons to make up for their relative lack of physical strength. Were Miss Evans to make these changes I would give her book a 5 star rating.

Dr Jim O'Shea

Editorial Review:

From the author of The Verbally Abusive Relationship

If your partner: seems irritated or angry at you several times a week; denies being angry when he clearly is; does not work with you to resolve important issues; rarely or never seems to share thoughts or plans with you; or tells you that he has no idea what you're talking about when you try to discuss important problems...you need this book.

It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition

Meg Kennedy Dugan, Roger R. Hock

Amazon Price: $12.89 List Price: $18.95 Usually ships in 24 hours By: Brunner-Routledge Amazon Marketplace: 43 new & used starting at $11.74

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 7 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

Book Description

Those who have never experienced an abusive or violent relationship often believe that upon finding their way out, victims' difficulties are solved: their life is good, they are safe, and recovery will be swift. However, survivors of abuse know that leaving is not the end of the nightmare; it is the beginning of a difficult journey toward healing and happiness. It's My Life Now offers readers the practical guidance, emotional reassurance, and psychological awareness that survivors of relationship abuse and domestic violence need to help them heal and reclaim their lives after leaving their abusers. Since its publication in 2000, It's My Life Now has been highly successful as a working manual for survivors who are starting their lives over after an abusive relationship, combining guidance on practical and emotional issues with worksheets and self-exploration exercises. In the second edition, Dugan and Hock include updated information and resources while encompassing a wider range of individuals.

Download Description

A book for survivors of an abusive relationship, no matter how much time has passed since the abuse occurred. This book provides accessible, practical information on how to protect yourself once you've left the relationship and how to get through the difficult emotions that accompany leaving and rebuilding an abuse-free, effective life.