Sexual Abuse Books

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Lundy Bancroft

Amazon Price: $10.37 List Price: $16.00 Usually ships in 24 hours By: Berkley Trade Amazon Marketplace: 62 new & used starting at $8.75

Buy at Amazon.com

Browse similar items by category:
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> Abuse & Self Defense -> Domestic Violence
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> Abuse & Self Defense -> Sexual Abuse
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> General

Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 195 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Astonishingly insightful 5 out of 5 stars.
0 of 0 people found this review helpful.

I am a lawyer and have worked in the criminal justice system ever since graduating from law school. I have defended men who were charged in domestic violence related offenses. I was always under the misguided perception that domestic violence was about someone being physically harmed by an intimate partner. I was so misguided that when I, myself, became involved with someone who was controlling, evil, and abusive, I did not recognize it for what it was. This book opened my eyes. It validated my feelings and experiences and pointed out to me what it was I was going through.

I dated a very dangerous man for six months. At first I thought his behaviors were "quirky" or that he was a lot more sensitive than anyone I have ever dated in the past. However, in such a short time, his charm changed from concern for my safety to monitoring my every move. He constantly accused me of having affairs, of emailing ex-boyfriends, and of having "no honor." During the short duration of the relationship, he went so far as to try and ruin my legal career by saying disparaging things about my character to my employers, isolating me from my friends and family, throwing knives across the room into the wall to intimidate me, and talking about having a suicide pact. Afterward he would always seem so sincere and apologize, and in attempts to garner sympathy, would blame his behaviors on the fact that no one understood him and that he had such a horrible childhood. However, after reading this book, I realized that all of his behaviors were for the sole purpose of manipulation, control, and isolation. He wanted to take me away from everything in my life that was safe for me so that the only person I could rely on was him. He actually tried to destroy my career. After blaming myself for not being sensitive enough to his quirks and not giving him enough slack for his violent and abusive childhood, I realized that whatever I did or however lenient I was about his behavior, he was already damaged. Just as Lundy states, because he cannot 100% recognize that he is a perpetrator of domestic violence and control, he will never change. In his mind, his actions are always justified as he is the victim and everyone else is the perpetrator.

I read this book in one day. Everything in this book made sense and related almost specifically to the most harrowing six months of my life. I realize now I am lucky to be alive. Our breakup culminated with him smashing my computer after accusing me of having an affair and then trying to smother me. Thank you for helping me realize that I did nothing to cause his actions. Reading this book has helped me understand that it was not my fault.

Domestic violence does not happen only to "certain types" of people. It can happen to anyone - regardless of education, status, or age.

Editorial Review:

"He doesn't mean to hurt me-he just loses control."
"He can be sweet and gentle."
"He's scared me a few times, but he never hurts the children-he's a great father."
"He's had a really hard life..."

Women in abusive relationships tell themselves these things every day. Now they can see inside the minds of angry and controlling men-and change their own lives. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor shows how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship, with:

€ The early warning signs
€ Nine abusive personality types
€ How to tell if an abuser can change, is changing, or ever will
€ The role of drugs and alcohol
€ What can be fixed, and what can't
€ How to leave a relationship safely

The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family

Eleanor Payson

Amazon Price: $14.95 List Price: $14.95 Usually ships in 24 hours By: Julian Day Publications Amazon Marketplace: 7 new & used starting at $13.46

Buy at Amazon.com

Browse similar items by category:
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> Abuse & Self Defense -> Sexual Abuse
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> Personality Disorders
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Relationships -> Interpersonal Relations

Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 76 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

Every day headlines are filled with examples of narcissistic individuals in positions of power who are nothing more than impostors plundering and wrecking havoc on the lives of others. From the financial barons of Wall Street to our elected officials in government, we are confronted daily with narcissists and the self-serving systems that enable them. Helping people reclaim their lives from this sinister exploitative force is the mission behind Payson's book, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family. Using simple metaphors from the American classic, The Wizard of Oz, Payson illustrates how Dorothy's journey captures all the seductive illusions and challenges that occur when we encounter the narcissist. Empowering the reader with the ABCs of unhealthy narcissism and the unique problems that occur when a person becomes involved with the narcissist, Payson gives step-by-step practical tools to identify, protect, and heal from these destructive relationships. Largely un-addressed in the psychology and self-help literature, this ground breaking book offers hope and help to those who have been drawn into these devastating relationships. She includes illuminating case studies that identify the problems that occur in the different types of relationships, from co-workers, to friends, to parents, to lovers. Readers employing these insights and skills will find new abilities to identify and protect against the narcissist's manipulations and take back control of their lives.

The Courage to Heal 4e: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse 20th Anniversary Edition

Ellen Bass, Laura Davis

Amazon Price: $15.61 List Price: $22.95 Usually ships in 24 hours By: Collins Living Amazon Marketplace: 32 new & used starting at $14.09

Buy at Amazon.com

Browse similar items by category:
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> Abuse & Self Defense -> Sexual Abuse
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> General
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> General AAS

Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 129 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

Come to terms with your past while moving powerfully into the future

The Courage to Heal is an inspiring, comprehensive guide that offers hope and a map of the healing journey to every woman who was sexually abused as a child—and to those who care about her. Although the effects of child sexual abuse are long-term and severe, healing is possible.

Weaving together personal experience with professional knowledge, the authors provide clear explanations, practical suggestions, and support throughout the healing process. Readers will feel recognized and encouraged by hundreds of moving first-person stories drawn from interviews and the authors' extensive work with survivors, both nationally and internationally.

This completely revised and updated 20th anniversary edition continues to provide the compassionate wisdom the book has been famous for, as well as many new features:

• Contemporary research on trauma and the brain
• An overview of powerful new healing tools such as imagery, meditation, and body-centered practices
• Additional stories that reflect an even greater diversity of survivor experiences
• The reassuring accounts of survivors who have been healing for more than twenty years
• The most comprehensive, up-to-date resource guide in the field
• Insights from the authors' decades of experience

Cherished by survivors, and recommended by therapists and institutions everywhere, The Courage to Heal has often been called the bible of healing from child sexual abuse. This new edition will continue to serve as the healing beacon it has always been.

The Courage to Heal Workbook: A Guide for Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse

Laura Davis

Amazon Price: $16.76 List Price: $22.95 Usually ships in 24 hours By: Collins Living Amazon Marketplace: 105 new & used starting at $2.99

Buy at Amazon.com

Browse similar items by category:
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> Abuse & Self Defense -> Sexual Abuse
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Self-Help -> Abuse
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Self-Help -> General

Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 34 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

A workbook for a journey 5 out of 5 stars.
3 of 4 people found this review helpful.

This workbook is paperback and has lots of room for notes and comments. Well construsted and felxable for use as a workbook. For any survivor this is a very needful journey. This book and its author has gathered the tools that many have but don't know how to use and helps us understand what to do and how to do it. I have greatly benefitted from this. It is a book well recieved by my therapist. For all survivors and their partners and families this is a book that gives hope, understanding and reassurance. Well worth it.

Editorial Review:

In this groundbreaking companion to The Courage to Heal, Laura Davis offers an inspiring, in-depth workbook that speaks to all women and men healing from the effects of child sexual abuse. The combination of checklists, writing and art Projects, open-ended questions and activities expertly guides the survivor through the healing process.

• Survival Skills -- Teaches survivors to create a safe, supportive environment, ask for help, deal with crisis periods, and choose therapy.
• Aspects Of Healing -- Focuses on the healing process: gaining a capacity for hope, breaking silence, letting go of shame, turning anger into action, planning a confrontation, preparing for family contact, and affirming personal progress.
• Guidelines For Healing Sexually -- Redefines the concept of "safe sex" and establishes healthy ground rules for sexual contact.

The Emotionally Abused Woman : Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself

Beverly Mfcc Engel

Amazon Price: $11.16 List Price: $13.95 Usually ships in 24 hours By: Ballantine Books Amazon Marketplace: 91 new & used starting at $3.21

Buy at Amazon.com

Browse similar items by category:
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> Abuse & Self Defense -> Sexual Abuse
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> Codependency
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> General

Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 40 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Take the Time 5 out of 5 stars.
9 of 9 people found this review helpful.

It can take years, even a lifetime, to heal from emotional abuse. The author, Beverly Engel, lets us know within the first pages that she has endured a history of abuse, and from this background, she has made her career choices, mainly, to become a therapist helping others in similar circumstances.

The abused person is often taken by surprise, emotionally involved before the abuse fully takes hold. The abuser often has a two-sided personality, referred to as Jekyll and Hyde - one charming and intelligent and likeable, the other a cruel and perverse tormentor.

Engel writes: "It is often difficult for a woman to admit that she is indeed being emotionally abused, particularly if she is competent and successful in other respects... many women who are being emotionally abused do not even realize what is happening to them. Many suffer from the effects of emotional abuse - depression, lack of motivation, confusion, difficulty concentrating or making decisions, low self-esteem, feelings of failure, worthlessness, and hopelessness, self-blame, and self-destructiveness - but do not understand what is causing these symptoms."

The process seeps into the psyche like a slow poison, rearranging our ability to cope. "She has become so beaten down emotionally that she blames herself for the abuse. Her self-esteem is so low that she clings to her abuser."

Which is perhaps the hardest to understand, by the woman herself as well as family and friends who keep asking - "Why do you stay? Why do you put up with it?" - and never find a rational answer. There is none. Engel explains, "Emotional-abuse victims become so convinced they are worthless that they believe no one else could possibly want them. They stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go."

Engel takes us through the ways that emotional abuse expresses itself and how it works. "Emotionally abusive lovers and mates cause tremendous damage to a woman's ego. They have our trust, our vulnerability, our hearts, and our bodies. Using a variety of tactics, an abusive husband or lover can damage a woman's self-esteem, make her doubt her desirability and hate her body, and break her heart... When we love someone we tend to make excuses for his behavior; we always want to give him the benefit of the doubt. This is especially true when the other person is good to us in other ways." The abuser, Engel writes, makes his partner believe "she was so stupid, ugly, and unlovable that she was lucky to have him... told her she wasn't as pretty as the other girls he had dated, that she wasn't good in bed, and that his friends didn't think she was good enough for him."

And who is he? Often, Engel says, he is an addict of some kind, whether to alcohol or drugs or sex, and his own self-esteem is so low that he can keep a partner only by causing her self-esteem to be even lower than his own. He is frequently the product of abuse himself, often taking on the traits of his own abusers. He tends to be socially isolated, unable to maintain any healthy friendships or other relationships.

Once Engel has helped us understand the process and the damage done by it, she encourages and instructs on how to release years of pent-up rage in constructive manner, while rebuilding confidence. There are no shortcuts to healing. Finally, she helps us to understand how to stop repeating the cycle by finishing unfinished business, how to recognize the red flags of an abusive person when we first meet him. If we have not allowed the time to release our anger and heal the damage, we are doomed to repeat the pattern.

For this reason above all, this is an important book to read for anyone who has felt the lash of such abuse. Take the time to understand. Take the time to work through the damage. Take the time to heal. Take the time to nurture yourself back to health and rebuild your ability to love and to know real love when you meet it.

Editorial Review:

If you feel unfairly criticized, controlled by others, or are afraid of being lonely, you could be suffering from emotional abuse. Now there is help in this compassionate sourcebook. Bevery Engel, a marriage, family, and child therapist, guides you through a step-by-step recovery process to help you heal the damage done in the past.

The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing

Beverly Engel

Amazon Price: $10.17 List Price: $14.95 Usually ships in 24 hours By: Wiley Amazon Marketplace: 58 new & used starting at $6.72

Buy at Amazon.com

Browse similar items by category:
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> Abuse & Self Defense -> Domestic Violence
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> Abuse & Self Defense -> Sexual Abuse
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Relationships -> Interpersonal Relations

Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 22 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

"Engel doesn't just describe-she shows us the way out."
-Susan Forward, author of Emotional Blackmail Praise for the emotionally abusive relationship

"In this book, Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step-by-step strategies to stop emotional abuse. . . helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse. This book is a guide both for individuals and for couples stuck in the tragic patterns of emotional abuse."
-Marti Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse
and coeditor of The Journal of Emotional Abuse

"This groundbreaking book succeeds in helping people stop emotional abuse by focusing on both the abuser and the abused and showing each party what emotional abuse is, how it affects the relationship, and how to stop it. Its unique focus on the dynamic relationship makes it more likely that each person will grasp the tools for change and really use them."
-Randi Kreger, author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook
and owner of BPDCentral.com

The number of people who become involved with partners who abuse them emotionally and/or who are emotionally abusive themselves is phenomenal, and yet emotional abuse is the least understood form of abuse. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, one of the world's leading experts on the subject, shows us what it is and what to do about it.

Whether you suspect you are being emotionally abused, fear that you might be emotionally abusing your partner, or think that both you and your partner are emotionally abusing each other, this book is for you. The Emotionally Abusive Relationship will tell you how to identify emotional abuse and how to find the roots of your behavior. Combining dramatic personal stories with action steps to heal, Engel provides prescriptive strategies that will allow you and your partner to work together to stop bringing out the worst in each other and stop the abuse.

By teaching those who are being emotionally abused how to help themselves and those who are being emotionally abusive how to stop abusing, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship offers the expert guidance and support you need.

Forgiveness Is a Choice: A Step-By-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope (Apa Lifetools)

Robert D. Enright

Amazon Price: $13.57 List Price: $19.95 Usually ships in 24 hours By: American Psychological Association (APA) Amazon Marketplace: 55 new & used starting at $10.75

Buy at Amazon.com

Browse similar items by category:
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> Abuse & Self Defense -> Sexual Abuse
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> Emotions
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> General

Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 20 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Saved my marriage! 5 out of 5 stars.
8 of 9 people found this review helpful.

Truly an awesome explanation of what forgiveness is and is not. I had harbored resentment for years and my husband and I were actually separated when I ordered this book as a last resort. I accomplished more through this book than I would have in months of counseling. In just a few weeks, I worked through all of the assignments and my heart was completely changed once I was able to take the step of forgiveness. My husband and I are back together and better than ever. Yay! We will celebrate our 28th anniversary this month.

Editorial Review:

Forgiveness Is a Choice is a self-help book for people who have been deeply hurt by another and caught in a vortex of anger, depression, and resentment. As a creator of the first scientifically proven forgiveness program in the country, Robert D. Enright shows how forgiveness can reduce anxiety and depression while increasing self-esteem and hopefulness toward one's future. This groundbreaking work demonstrates how forgiveness, approached in the correct manner, benefits the forgiver far more than the forgiven. Filled with wisdom and warm encouragement, the book leads the reader on a path that will bring clarity and peace. Enright is careful to distinguish forgiveness from "pseudoforgiveness" and to reassure readers that forgiveness does not mean accepting continued abuse or even reconciling with the offender. Rather, by giving the gift of forgiveness, readers are encouraged to confront and let go of their pain in order to regain their lives.

The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse

Dan B., Dr. Allender

Amazon Price: $11.55 List Price: $16.99 Usually ships in 24 hours By: NavPress Publishing Group Amazon Marketplace: 31 new & used starting at $10.63

Buy at Amazon.com

Browse similar items by category:
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> Abuse & Self Defense -> Sexual Abuse
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> Depression
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Psychology & Counseling -> Mental Illness

Editorial Review:

Studies indicate that at least one in three women have been sexually abused as a child. Fixed on biblical foundations, Dr. Dan Allender shows that there is hope and healing when survivors call on the Great Physician for relief from their suffering.

Now repackaged, but with the same life-giving insights, survivors and their loved ones will find professional skill and spiritual direction to learn that they can heal from the trauma of abuse.

Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child

Laura Davis

Amazon Price: $11.68 List Price: $16.00 Usually ships in 24 hours By: Harper Paperbacks Amazon Marketplace: 135 new & used starting at $0.01

Buy at Amazon.com

Browse similar items by category:
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> Abuse & Self Defense -> Sexual Abuse
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Psychology & Counseling -> Mental Illness
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Self-Help -> Abuse

Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 33 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

"But what about me?"
"Is it possible to go one day without dealing with the survivor's issues?"
"Will we ever make love again?"
"Will the survivor love me in the end?"
"How do I know if I should throw in the towel?"
Based on in-depth interviews and her workshops for partners across the country, Laura Davis offers practical advice and encouragement to all partners -- girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses, and lovers -- trying to support the survivors in their lives while tending to their own needs along the way. She shows couples how to deepen compassion, improve communication, and develop an understanding of healing as a shared activity. Addressing partners' most important questions, Allies in Healing covers:

The Basics -- answers common questions about sexual abuse.

Allies in Healing -- introduces key concepts of working and growing together.

My Needs and Feelings -- teaches partners to recognize, value, and express their own needs.

Dealing with Crisis -- includes strategies for handling suicidal feelings, regression, and hopelessness.

Intimacy and Communication -- offers practical advice on dealing with distancing, control, trust, and fighting.

Sex -- provides guidelines for coping with flashbacks, lack of desire, differences in sexual needs, and frustration.

Family lssues -- suggests a range of ideas for interacting with the survivor's family.

Partners' Stories -- explores the struggles, triumphs, and courage of eight partners.

The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships

Patrick J. Carnes

Amazon Price: $11.16 List Price: $13.95 Usually ships in 24 hours By: HCI Amazon Marketplace: 62 new & used starting at $4.18

Buy at Amazon.com

Browse similar items by category:
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Mental Health -> Abuse & Self Defense -> Sexual Abuse
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Psychology & Counseling -> General
Subjects -> Health, Mind & Body -> Psychology & Counseling -> General AAS

Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 18 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

review of a great book on sexual abuse 5 out of 5 stars.
2 of 2 people found this review helpful.

This is a must read for anyone working with children or teens. Especially good for social workers, psychologists, youth leaders, and any family that has dealt with or is dealing with sexual or physical abuse of a loved one. I cannot give this book a high enough rating. Our daughter was sexually abused as a minor by a (used to be) good friend that we had known for 15 years. She had a very hard time getting out of the situation even as an adult. People do not understand the manipulation, brain washing, lying etc. that goes on in such a situation. If only we had known the signs to look for. Thanks you Patrick Carnes for your insight and for trying to open the eyes of the ignorant.

Editorial Review:

Patrick Carnes presents an in-depth study of exploitive relationships: why they form, who is most susceptible, and how they become so powerful. He explains to readers how to recognize when traumatic bonding has occurred and provides a checklist so they can examine their own relationships. Included are steps readers can take to safely extricate themselves or their loved ones from these situations.