Self-Esteem Books - Page 2

The Art of Mingling: Proven Techniques for Mastering Any Room

Jeanne Martinet

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 23 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

Not as good as I had hoped 2 out of 5 stars.
5 of 5 people found this review helpful.

I liked the introduction, in which the author talked about her friends asking her how she had managed to talk to everyone at the event they had just been at, while they had failed to mingle. She does give a few useful tips in the book, but don't buy this book if mingling is not, for you, an end in itself, as it is for the author. If, for example, you want to improve your mingling skills in order to make friends, this book won't help at all. The book might help you learn to meet everyone in a room, spending 30 seconds or one minute on each person, but the sorts of things she suggests you say to people made me cringe. Her system will help you meet people who are the most confident and who are fellow mingling lovers, but if you want to put people at ease so that you can discover who might be someone with whom you might like to create a friendship, her suggestions will prove counterproductive. If you want to mingle to make friends (or at least not to destroy any hope of making a friend or two) read the excellent book by Don Gabor, How To Start A Conversation And Make Friends. Finally, The Art of Mingling actually makes the author sound rather shallow, silly and even narcissistic (and believe me, I have nothing against finding ways to get away from the party bore with bad breath who has you cornered, etc). Disappointing, unless, for you, mingling is an end in itself.

Editorial Review:

Does the idea of going to a large party make your palms sweat and your mouth go dry? You are not alone. Many people suffer from minglephobia, a secret terror of large parties. Jeanne Martinet’s tried-and-true cure is her unique system of techniques and strategies for overcoming social fears. Now you can relax and thrive at any business or social event!

Updated with dozens of brand-new field-tested tricks, tips, lines, and maneuvers, The Art of Mingling will teach you:

* Basic Survival Fantasies for the Truly Terrified
* The Flattery Entree
* The Fade In (and the Fade Out)
* The Human Sacrifice
* The Cell-Out
* The Hors D’Oeuvre Maneuver
* The Dot-Dot-Dot Plot
* The Quotation Device
* The Quick Change
* The Faux Pas Moi
* And much, much more!

Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls

Mary Pipher

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 319 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

A must-read for all women and parents 5 out of 5 stars.
1 of 1 people found this review helpful.

I just finished reading Reviving Ophelia (Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls) by Dr Mary Pipher. Pipher is a therapist specializing in family and adolescence. Before writing this book, she wrote a book about eating disorders and while working on that, she noticed a phenomenon among her patients as well as her own teen girls. She says that when you speak to a 9 yr old girl, she is full of life, curiosity, energy, joy. You talk to her a few years later, age 13,14, and you want to shake her and ask "is there anyone in there?????" She wrote this book to explain what is happening at this point, why it happens, and how to prevent teen girls from losing their selves - because once this happens they typically develop problems such as addiction, promiscuity, eating disorders, etc.

It's a long, dense book but it's a fascinating read. She includes dozens upon dozens of cases. Most of the girls and families she talks about have come to her because they are having serious issues, but she also describes many cases in which the girls managed to avoid getting into trouble. She interviews "successful girls" in order to show that it is possible to grow up in today's culture and still come out relatively unscathed. To a large extent, it's our culture that she blames for the problems. She wrote this about 10 years ago but the culture she describes is very much like today's (although today is much worse if you factor in all the temptations and dangers of internet, IM'ing etc). Girls today grow up bombarded with messages about sexuality, violence, the pressure to be thin, to be materialistic, to drink and smoke. Our culture often does not distinguish between sex and violence. Girls are caught in a confusing situation as they are encouraged to be attractive and appealing, yet they may be told not engage in sex or they may not feel ready, but if they dress in a way that's considered by their peers to be attractive, and they limit or avoid sexual activity, they are labeled a "tease" and harassed and ridiculed. Pipher describes a scary, confusing world for the average US Middle Schooler in which she will be judged solely based on her looks, since most middle schools are large and that is the most natural way to judge people, and in which even walking down a hallway can be a horrible exercise as boys will pinch, nudge, verbally abuse her. Pipher also places heavy emphasis on the way we socialize our boys, which I found very original and when you think about it, obvious. It made me think about the fact that I tell my children that nobody can touch their privates unless my husband or I are around, etc., but I need to take it one step further and in the near future begin to drill it into my son's head that he needs to be sensitive and respectful toward girls. Also, many of her patients were in trouble because of promiscuity, drugs, alcohol - and through therapy they discovered that they had been molested or raped when they were very young but they had never told anyone. After I read that part, I began talking to the kids about how if God forbid that should happen to them, the bad people who do that can be very sick people and try to convince them that if they tell us, we will be hurt - and that it isn't true.

The book is disturbing in that it makes you think about how difficult our job as parents is and will be when the kids are teens, and if we have girls, we've definitely got our work cut out for us. But it's also hopeful in that Pipher says that all these cultural pressures, peer pressure, the natural rebellion a teen must undergo in order to assert her/his identity in the family and in the world - all of this can be much less painful if the parents are 1) loving and 2) disciplinarians. She goes into detail about various families, their dynamics, their structure (or lack thereof), and so on - and she clearly shows how parents who are very laid-back, let their children discover the world and themselves basically on their own for the sake of creativity and individuality - these are the children that will feel lost in adolescence and will become problems. At the other extreme, parents that have strict households and are aloof and unattached will also have problem children. The key is to be firm but loving. "Certain kinds of homes help girls hold on to their true selves. These homes offer girls both protection and challenges. These are the homes that offer girls affection and structure. Girls hear the message 'I love you, but I have expectations.' In these homes, parents set firm guidelines and communicate high hopes. With younger children, rules are fine,but with teenagers, guidelines make more sense...It's important to remember that rules, in the absence of loving relationships, are not worth much. Almost anyone can figure out how to break rules. What holds girls' lives in place is love and respect for their parents."

Pipher is definitely a feminist and she urges us to look at the mass media with our kids and basically teach them how to filter the messages. Look at magazines with them and talk about how the kids are dressed, etc, and what kind of message that is sending? Watch TV, movies, and talk about the visuals. She says we live in a lookist society where it's all based on looks - talk about this with the kids, make them more sensitive to it. She also talks about how as parents we provide them examples of gender roles. "Parents can help daughters be whole by modeling wholeness. Androgynous parents are the best. Good fathers are nurturing, physically affectionate and involved in the lives of their daughters. Good mothers model self-sufficiency and self-love and are responsive, but not responsible for their family members." Time and again she cautions against being the overbearing mother who micromanages the kids.

Something else I found interesting is when she points out that the most successful female adults tend to be the ones who were on the fringes in middle and high school. She says that the girls who were popular often turn into less satisfied adults. The most well-adjusted, satisfied adults are those who while growing up had to endure difficult circumstances. She says that the rejection these girls suffered made them create a protective space in which to develop their uniqueness. In their isolation, these girls turned to or developed certain passions (reading, music, a social cause larger than themselves, athletics, etc). These passions were a place to escape to when the school hallways were too painful. "The girls who seem the happiest in junior high are often not the healthiest adults. They may be the girls who have less radar with which to pick up signals about reality. While this may be protective when the signals come fast and furious, later they may miss information. Or they may be the girls who don't even try to resolve contradictions or make sense of reality. They may be relatively comfortable, but they will not grow." In other words, if your daughter isn't in the popular crowd as a teen, consider yourself lucky I guess! (Phew, thank God I was a reject!)

Anyway, this "summary" is already way too long. And I could keep going, but I need my coffee. The book jacket urges all parents and teachers to read it but I'd go a step further and recommend all women read it. Even if you don't have a daughter, and you don't work with kids, as a woman you will invariably relate to much of what Pipher says. You will find yourself thinking back to your own childhood and adolescence and analyzing it in a way you perhaps never have. Additionally, I realized several times that as a woman you never leave adolescence. There's the joke that men never mature past age 16, but I believe that women are constantly in flux the way teens are, as we search for our identities with each new life phase. We are also subjected to this lookist society and culture that encourages a youthful, sexy image while being professionally successful, raising wonderful children and having an immaculate home. Perhaps reading this will remind us that teen girls aren't aliens from an enemy planet after all.

Now onto her newer book, "Writing to Change the World"...

Editorial Review:

At adolescence, says Mary Pipher, "girls become 'female impersonators' who fit their whole selves into small, crowded spaces." Many lose spark, interest, and even IQ points as a "girl-poisoning" society forces a choice between being shunned for staying true to oneself and struggling to stay within a narrow definition of female. Pipher's alarming tales of a generation swamped by pain may be partly informed by her role as a therapist who sees troubled children and teens, but her sketch of a tougher, more menacing world for girls often hits the mark. She offers some prescriptions for changing society and helping girls resist.

The Highly Sensitive Person

Elaine N. Aron Ph.D.

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 125 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

Are you an HSP? Are you easily overwhelmed by stimuli? Affected by other people's moods? Easily startled? Do you need to withdraw during busy times to a private, quiet place? Do you get nervous or shaky if someone is observing you or competing with you? HSP, shorthand for "highly sensitive person," describes 15 to 20 percent of the population. Being sensitive is a normal trait--nothing defective about it. But you may not realize that, because society rewards the outgoing personality and treats shyness and sensitivity as something to be overcome. According to author Elaine Aron (herself an HSP), sensitive people have the unusual ability to sense subtleties, spot or avoid errors, concentrate deeply, and delve deeply. This book helps HSPs to understand themselves and their sensitive trait and its impact on personal history, career, relationships, and inner life. The book offers advice for typical problems. For example, you learn strategies for coping with overarousal, overcoming social discomfort, being in love relationships, managing job challenges, and much more. The author covers a lot of material clearly, in an approachable style, using case studies, self-tests, and exercises to bring the information home. The book is essential for you if you are an HSP--you'll learn a lot about yourself. It's also useful for people in a relationship with an HSP. --Joan Price

Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem

Matthew McKay, Patrick Fanning

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 28 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Read Self-Esteem- It's Worth It 5 out of 5 stars.
279 of 280 people found this review helpful.

Who's the book for? Anyone who wants to improve their self-esteem.

What's the goal of the book? To improve your self-esteem.

How does it do this? By showing you how to disarm your "inner critic", you know, that negative inner voice that attacks and judges you. Everyone has one, and people with low self-esteem tend to have a more vicious inner critic.

Is it easy to read? Yes, the book is laid out well and written in a very friendly tone. The first three chapters cover the most important and universally applicable information. After finishing them, there is a chart for you to look at. It will direct you to the appropriate chapter(s) that deal with your specific problems. Neat!

You don't have to read the book cover-to-cover unless you just need general info- but that's what's good about it; you can use the book to fit your individual needs. With over 600,000 copies sold, it must have helped a few people! Other self-help books I liked include Finding Happiness in a Frustrating World. Good luck!

Editorial Review:

Since its first publication in 1987, Self-Esteem has become the first choice of therapists and savvy readers looking for a comprehensive, self-care approach to improving self-image, increasing personal power, and defining core values. More than 600,000 copies of this book have helped literally millions of readers feel better about themselves, achieve greater success, and enjoy their lives to the fullest.

You can do it, too!

By using these books - Self-Esteem Companion, Self-esteem Guided Journal and Self _esteem, 3rd edition - as a set, you’ll be able to customize your self-esteem work with exercises and writing projects that reinforce and support the ideas in the original book.

The Spirituality of Imperfection: Storytelling and the Search for Meaning

Ernest Kurtz, Katherine Ketcham

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 52 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

I Am Not Perfect is a simple statement of profound truth, the first step toward understanding the human condition, for to deny your essential imperfection is to deny yourself and your own humanity. The spirituality of imperfection, steeped in the rich traditions of the Hebrew prophets and Greek thinkers, Buddhist sages and Christian disciples, is a message as timeless as it is timely. This insightful work draws on the wisdom stories of the ages to provide an extraordinary wellspring of hope and inspiration to anyone thirsting for spiritual growth and guidance in these troubled times.

Who are we? Why so we so often fall short of our goals for ourselves and others? By seeking to understand our limitations and accept the inevitably of failure and pain, we being to ease the hurt and move toward a greater sense of serenity and self-awareness. The Spirituality Of Imperfection brings together stories from many spiritual and philosophical paths, weaving past traditions into a spirituality and a new way of thinking and living that works today. It speaks so anyone who yearns to find meaning within suffering. Beyond theory and technique, inside this remarkable book you will find a new way of thinking, a way of living that enables a truly human existence.

Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha

Tara Brach

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 36 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

For many of us, feelings of deficiency are right around the corner. It doesn’t take much--just hearing of someone else’s accomplishments, being criticized, getting into an argument, making a mistake at work--to make us feel that we are not okay. Beginning to understand how our lives have become ensnared in this trance of unworthiness is our first step toward reconnecting with who we really are and what it means to live fully.
--from Radical Acceptance

Radical Acceptance

“Believing that something is wrong with us is a deep and tenacious suffering,” says Tara Brach at the start of this illuminating book. This suffering emerges in crippling self-judgments and conflicts in our relationships, in addictions and perfectionism, in loneliness and overwork--all the forces that keep our lives constricted and unfulfilled. Radical Acceptance offers a path to freedom, including the day-to-day practical guidance developed over Dr. Brach’s twenty years of work with therapy clients and Buddhist students.

Writing with great warmth and clarity, Tara Brach brings her teachings alive through personal stories and case histories, fresh interpretations of Buddhist tales, and guided meditations. Step by step, she leads us to trust our innate goodness, showing how we can develop the balance of clear-sightedness and compassion that is the essence of Radical Acceptance. Radical Acceptance does not mean self-indulgence or passivity. Instead it empowers genuine change: healing fear and shame and helping to build loving, authentic relationships. When we stop being at war with ourselves, we are free to live fully every precious moment of our lives.


From the Hardcover edition.

How to Develop Self-Confidence And Influence People By Public Speaking

Dale Carnegie

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 13 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

great help. Important information 5 out of 5 stars.
3 of 3 people found this review helpful.

I read this book before I did a presentation of my book to THE LOS ANGELES ATAXIA SUPPORT GROUP. It helped me a lot, and gave me the confidence that I needed to display my book in an oral book presentation.
I will go over a few of the key points of this wonderful book by Dale Carnegie, Inc., and why the information was what I needed to hear.
-In order to be a good public speaker you must have a strong and persistant desire to relate this information. (Yes, there is a strong and urgent need to increase awareness of CEREBELLAR ATAXIA as well as all of the other varieties of ATAXIA-a neurological, progressive, physical disorder that impairs coordination. I have been becoming more and more physically handicapped with my genetic neurological disorder since I was 17.)
-Know thoroughly what you are going to talk about. Don't speak until you are sure that you have something to say, and then say it, and sit down. (I am already sitting in a wheelchair due to my progressive, genetic disorder. I related to my audience how I wrote the book, over years, the publication process, and then I recited three of the poems from my book.)
-Practice, Practice, Practice. Be prepared. State your facts, argue from them, and appeal for action. (I described how it is to live with a progressive, neurological handicap. I hope it will raise awareness of ATAXIA.)
Those are a few of the key point of this marvelous book by Dale Carnegie, Inc.
My book is called Dreams in August: Life, Love, and Cerebellar Ataxia

Editorial Review:

This book will show you how to overscome the natural fear of public speaking and even learn to enjoy it. Drawing on Dale Carnegie's years of experience as a business trainer, this practical book will help you to become a successful speaker. His invaluable advice includes ways to: * Develop poise * Gain self-confidence * Improve your memory * Make your meaning clear * Begin and end a talk effectively * Interest and charm your audience * Improve your diction * Win an argument without making enemies Dale Carnegie's methods have helped millions of people worldwide. Make sure you have the advantage, and make them work for you too.

It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy

Greg Behrendt, Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 131 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

There’s no doubt about it—breakups suck. But in the first few hours or days or weeks that follow, there’s one important truth you need to recognize: Some things can’t and shouldn’t be fixed, especially that loser who dumped you or forced you to dump him. It’s called a breakup because it’s broken, and starting right here, right now, it’s time to dry your tears, put down that pint of ice cream, log out of his e-mail, and open this book to Chapter One–and start turning your breakup into a breakover.

From Greg Behrendt, the co-author of the smash two-million copy bestseller He’s Just Not That Into You, comes It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken--the ultimate survival guide to getting over Mr. Wrong and reclaiming your inner Superfox. From how to put yourself through “he-tox,” to how to throw yourself a kick-ass pity party, Greg and his wife, Amiira, share their hilarious and helpful roadmap for getting past the heartache and back into the game. You will learn:

• Why you shouldn’t call him—and what he’s thinking when you do
• How to keep your friends and not lose your job
• How to avoid breakup pitfalls: IMing, stalking, having sex with your ex
• Reframing reality—seeing the relationship for what it was
• How to transform yourself into a hot, happening Superfox and get a jump on the better, brighter future that awaits

Complete with an essential workbook to help you put the crazy down on paper and not take it out into the world, It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken is a must-have manual for finding your way back to an even more rocking you.

Letters to a Young Sister: DeFINE Your Destiny

Hill Harper

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 19 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

In the follow-up to his award winning national bestseller, Letters to a Young Brother, actor and star of CSI: NY shares his powerful wisdom for young women everywhere, drawing on the courageous advice of the female role models who transformed his life.

Letters to a Young Sister unfolds as a series of letters written by older brother Hill to a universal Young Sistah. She’s up against the same challenges as every young woman: from relating to her parents and dealing with peer pressure, to juggling schoolwork and crushes and keeping faith in the face of heartache. In his straight-talking style, Hill helps his young sister build self-confidence, self-reliance, self-respect, and encourages her on her journeys towards becoming a strong and successful woman. The book also includes contributions from admirable women like Angela Basset, Ciara, Michelle Obama, Tatyana Ali, Nikki Giovanni, Congresswoman Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrikck, Eve, Malinda Williams, Kim Porter, and more.

Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthough Program to End Negative Behavior...and Feel Great Again

Jeffrey E. Young, Janet S. Klosko

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 44 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Research based and Intelligent self-help book 4 out of 5 stars.
3 of 3 people found this review helpful.

Ever wondered why you are never happy with anything you do? Why it is you always think you could have done something better? Ever wondered why your bosses always get angry when they don't get what they want, or why they can't accept `no' for an answer?
Now, I'm not one for self-help books. You're not likely to see me browsing the `self-help' section at my local book store. Not that I don't see their value. It's more that having studied Psychology for five years I reckon I should be able to work that stuff out for myself...

On a more serious note, I don't believe in quick fixes and magic seminars that sort out all your life's problems in one weekend. But I'm a great believer in empirically-based and research-driven frameworks to anything, including self-help.

And that's where this book is different. Unlike other self-help books, Reinventing Your Life is comprehensive. It doesn't just deal with depression or obsessive compulsive disorders; it deals with a wide range of personality problems.

OK, so now you're thinking, that sounds heavy, a book for real `nutters'. Well, no. Reinventing Your Life is suitable for all of us. It helps us figure out why we do the same things over and over again even though they're really bad for us (like falling for the wrong man, attracting friends who use and abuse us etc). Reinventing Your Life also helps us figure out why the people around us keep doing what they do, even though their actions and attitudes are bad for them!

The book's main premise is that the behaviours of most people are strongly, but unconsciously, influenced by lifetraps. Lifetraps are patterns that begin in our childhood and continue reverberating within us throughout our lives. When the lifetraps are really serious they result in personality disorders which require formal therapy. But here's the catch, even if they aren't that serious, they can still have a significant impact on our lives without us even knowing it!

What I like about this approach is that even though it's based on serious academic work, it's written in a very accessible style. Each chapter is dedicated to one of the eleven lifetraps and begins with a short `women's mag' type quiz. Don't let that fool you. These quizzes are serious and have rigorous validity and reliability. Each chapter then goes on to describe how the lifetrap presents in its more severe forms - reading this of course made me feel better because I could see even I'm not that bad! It also provides some good strategies for you to work on if this is your lifetrap.

And, if you think you are absolutely lifetrap-free, then read it to figure out why all the people around you are so crazy!

Editorial Review:

Two renowned psychologists offer an innovative approach to solving long-term emotional problems based on the proven principles of cognitive therapy. As seen on Oprah, this guide shows how to effectively change negative thought patterns.