Marriage Books - Page 12

Daughter of the Saints: Growing Up In Polygamy

Dorothy Allred Solomon

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 17 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

"Probably the best book ever written about polygamy. Neither an apologia nor an exposé."—Salt Lake City Tribune

"I am the daughter of my father's fourth plural wife, twenty-eighth of forty-eight children—a middle kid, you might say."

So begins this astonishing and poignant memoir of life in the family of Utah fundamentalist leader and naturopathic physician Rulon C. Allred. Since polygamy was abolished by manifesto in 1890, this is a story of secrecy and lies, of poverty and imprisonment and government raids. When raids threatened, the families were forced to scatter from their pastoral compound in Salt Lake City to the deserts of Mexico or the wilds of Montana. To follow the Lord's plan as dictated by the Principle, the human cost was huge. Eventually murder in its cruelest form entered when members of a rival fundamentalist group assassinated the author's father.

Dorothy Solomon, monogamous herself, broke from the fundamentalist group because she yearned for equality and could not reconcile the laws of God (as practiced by polygamists) with the vastly different laws of the state. This poignant account chronicles her brave quest for personal identity. Originally published in hardcover under the title Predators, Prey, and Other Kinfolk.

Reforming Marriage

Douglas Wilson

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 43 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Read with saltshaker in hand 3 out of 5 stars.
2 of 3 people found this review helpful.

If you take this book with a grain (or several) of salt, you can glean some useful, (mostly) Scriptural advice from it. Just bear in mind that Wilson has a tendency to either place his own opinions on the level of dogma, or to bend Scripture and pull it out of context to support his opinions. Here are a few examples:

Wilson calls it "a fundamental rebellion against God" for a woman to keep her birth name, rather than to take her husband's name upon marriage. He attempts to make a Biblical case for his position by pointing out that in Genesis 5:2, God calls both the male and female "Man" or "mankind," and that the word translated "mankind" is "Adam" in the Hebrew. Wilson apparently fails to realize that the custom of a woman changing her surname upon marriage is purely cultural--in fact, a large portion of the world's cultures, even the more patriarchal ones, do not change the wife's name to that of her husband's. His attempt to read a cultural custom into Genesis is a far-fetched leap of logic. Rather than twist Scripture and assign the "rebellious feminist" tag to all women who happen not to follow English common law, Wilson would do better to say that *in his opinion,* the practice of a wife adopting her husband's surname is a valuable tradition that reflects the unity of the marriage state, but is not a practice addressed in Scripture.

Another weird opinion of Wilson's, found in several places in this book, is the assertion that a husband is responsible for maintaining his wife's "loveliness." It was never clear in the book what exactly Wilson meant by this, except that he believed the results should be physically "visible." I presume that Wilson did not mean that the husband should stock up on Botox for his wife. Beyond this, however, since he never clarified his meaning, I can only speculate. I would guess that Wilson meant that the husband should ensure the growth of his wife's inner beauty, and that this inner beauty will translate into a greater physical beauty. As nice as this idea sounds, Wilson never gave any practical advice on how to accomplish this end. I'm guessing that's because it's impossible to cultivate inner beauty in another person--inner beauty is something that each person must work on for himself/herself. Therefore, there really isn't any practical advice that Wilson could give on this.

Wilson is also annoying in that much of his rhetoric reveals a maddeningly condescending view of women. Here are a few choice samples:
1) "A wife must not complain in her fruitfulness . . . . it is the wife's duty to submit to the will of God and gladly bear children for her husband." (i.e., no matter how much pain and discomfort you're experiencing in your pregnancy, just shut up about it and do your duty, woman.)
2) "Wives need to be led with a firm hand. A wife will often test her husband in some area, and be deeply disappointed if he gives in to her." This would be great advice if you substituted "toddlers" and "parents" for "wives" and "husbands" respectively in this passage.


Yet despite my frustrations with some of Wilson's opinions and his sometimes-pompous tone, I actually enjoyed much of his advice. And with the exception of few caveats on minor points, as laid out above, I believe Wilson's approach was generally a Biblical one. He had many good things to say about love and respect in marriage. For example, he emphasizes that while each partner needs both love and respect from the other, the husband's primary need is respect, while the wife's primary need is love. He discusses how true love in marriage is "far better" even than the romantic spark of infatuation, because it matures and grows. He addresses the necessity of keeping "short accounts" with each other--addressing small problems as soon as possible, before they grow into large problems and before there is time for resentment to build up. He emphasizes the importance of resolving disagreements privately and presenting a united front to your children and the world in general. And most importantly, he uses the model of Christ and the Church to demonstrate sacrificial love on the part of the husband and submission on the part of the wife.

I should also add that although Wilson is occasionally condescending toward women, as noted in the examples above, his overall attitude is not quite as chauvinistic (for lack of a better word) as some of the reviews here might lead one to believe. He urges women who excel in education and accomplishments not to dumb themselves down to attract a man; instead, such women should raise their expectations. He also notes that a woman's job as keeper of the home does not necessarily entail her staying at home all of the time: she should be oriented toward the home, but her industry can lead her to work outside the house as well.

Bottom line: If you can pick your way past Wilson's many dogmatic opinions scattered throughout the book, you will find that this basic, yet thought-provoking read can refresh your perspective on Christian marriage.

Editorial Review:

How would you describe the spiritual aroma of your home? The source of this aroma is the relationship between husband and wife. Many can fake an attempt at keeping God's standards in some external way. What we cannot fake is the resulting, distinctive aroma of pleasure to God.

Reforming Marriage does what few books on marriage do today: it provides biblical advice. Douglas Wilson points to the need for obedient hearts on the part of both husbands and wives. Godly marriages proceed from obedient hearts, and the greatest desire of an obedient heart is the glory of God.

For Better...Forever!: A Catholic Guide to Lifelong Marriage

Gregory K. Popcak

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 9 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Great resource 5 out of 5 stars.
19 of 19 people found this review helpful.

I was extremely pleased with this book. This book is great for any marriage, including good marriages. My husband and I have a solid, stable marriage, but it can always be better and more faith-filled. This book provides a great foundation for creating a great marriage. It discusses bringing Jesus into your marriage and how to be Christ to your partner; how to be a loving mate even when you don't feel like it; what the different "love-languages" are, and more.

This book does mention Catholicism is a few sections, but overall, it is more geared toward any practicing Christian. I highly recommend it to any newly or long-married couple.

highly readable and helpful 5 out of 5 stars.
3 of 4 people found this review helpful.

Every marriage needs help but not every couple is ready for a marriage counselor. This book helps you understand what kind of marriage you have and how to make it better. It also helps you see that the very things you wish your spouse would do for you are often the things God is asking of you! Highly readable and helpful.

For Better Forever 4 out of 5 stars.
2 of 3 people found this review helpful.

This book is a great tool for any married couple. If you think you have a good marriage ... this book can help you make it better. If your marriage isn't so good ... you can improve your marriage if you are willing to be extrememly honest with yourself and you are willing to work to improve your marriage.

The Premarital Counseling Handbook

Norman Wright

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 2 Average rating: 3.0 of 5

Very Christian slant 2 out of 5 stars.
8 of 10 people found this review helpful.

Interesting points, however, buyer should know that it takes a pastoral, not necessarily a counseling, perspective to couple's work.

Premarital Counseling 4 out of 5 stars.
2 of 4 people found this review helpful.

This is a great book for therapists who need general, well-rounded information regarding how to conduct pre-marital counseling.

Editorial Review:

Wright encourages pastors to take very seriously the premarital counseling process and shows them step-by-step how to conduct counseling sessions that will reap rewards long after the ceremony is over and the confetti is swept away.

Connecting

Lawrence J. Crabb

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 17 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Review of Crabb's "Connecting" 5 out of 5 stars.
2 of 3 people found this review helpful.

As a counselor and pscyhologist Dr. Crabb spent decades analyzing people's problems from a scientific perspective. Solutions he offered were based upon scientific and psychological terms. In "Connecting," Dr. Crabb looks at people's problems from a spiritual perspective. Solutions he offers from this perspective are based upon biblical and spiritual understanding.

Instead of seeing people with psychological disorders requiring treatment, Crabb says that underlying our problems is a need to be connected to other people, to feel that we belong.

Are trained professionals necessary to "help" people with their problems? Not in most cases. "The problem beneath our struggles is a disconnected soul. ... we must provide nourishment for the disconnected soul that only a community of connected people can offer." (P.xvi).

People today are lonely and disconnected from meaningful relationships with other people. The pain of their disconnection causes them to act in ways that are painful and harmful to themselves and others. Relief for their suffering and destructive behavior is connecting with someone.

"For most ordinary Christians, the center of helping efforts is simple kindness, warm affirmation, and words of encouragement ... I suggest that the absolute center of all powerful attempts to impact people for good is connecting." (P.43)

Crabb says that "the deepest urge in every human heart is to be in relationship with someone who absolutely delights in us." (p.45) Such a relationship provides us a sense of belonging and value. In this kind of relationship we are emboldened to live up to our "dignity as human beings and our destiny as image-bearers."(P.45)

Crabb makes BOLD claims about the value of Christian community (church) being the place where most healing can take place for lonely, damaged hearts and lives. I think he makes his case very well. I highly recommend the book.

Editorial Review:

In this groundbreaking work, Larry Crabb shows readers how to build intimate, healing connections with others-mini-communities where God's power to heal souls is quickened and released through individuals' compassionate, authentic relationships with others.

The Marriage Prayer: A Prescription to Change the Direction of Your Marriage

Patrick Morley, David Delk

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 2 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

The Marriage Prayer 5 out of 5 stars.
2 of 2 people found this review helpful.

I am so excited about this book. I have read it from cover to cover and just wish I had it years ago. It is so real to life, not just another book about theories on how marriages should work. The feature of having real couples with real problems share them thruout the book makes the material so much more believable and true. I can relate to almost every couple and the struggle or issue they were facing. And I loved the creativity in the design of the book. Big pages, more pictures and diagrams and games then words. It was so easy to read and I think I learned more just the way it was put together. I have given away 5 books already and have ordered another 10. I have given it to some of the men I am mentoring, and they say it is already making a difference in their relationships. I can see this being used by pastors for premaritial counseling, marriage counselors, church groups, even giving it to every person thinking about getting married. Anyone who is serious about making their marriage the best it can be should get a copy and start using it now.

Editorial Review:

When the party is over, the children are grown and gone, and your friends have all moved to those retirement pods in Florida, there will only be two rocking chairs sitting side by side. Doesn't it make sense to make an investment now in the person who will be sitting by you then? Marriage is the most significant human relationship we ever experience. Yet many people do not think about how a great marriage happens, and why. In this new book, The Marriage Prayer, Morley and Delk come together to help you invest in the most important person in your life, before it's too late.Walking through twelve "Deposits for the Heart" this book covers topics ranging from worship and security to money and sex. Filled with case studies, application questions, and real-life stories, this book is just the thing to keep you moving down the road toward a great godly marriage.

The Two Sides of Love

Gary Smalley, John Trent

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 5 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

A great book for strenghtening any type of relationship 4 out of 5 stars.
17 of 18 people found this review helpful.

This book will give you a better understanding of yourself and others.You will be able to see where they're coming from and thus communicate with them more effectively.From family relationships to friendships,this book will help to strengthen any relationship with someone who is important in your life.

A great perspective 5 out of 5 stars.
3 of 3 people found this review helpful.

A helpful way of evaluating how you love and how you can love more effectively. It is worth the read.

Read this in the 80's! 5 out of 5 stars.
1 of 1 people found this review helpful.

This is a great book that I highly recommend. I love the 4 personality types that are described as 4 animals. It helped me to understand the personalities of my children and accepting them for who they are. "The Treasure Tree" is the childrens simple version. My grandchildren love it.

Editorial Review:

Not many understand how to communicate in a way that is both loving and effective. The Two Sides of Love will change that! Best-selling authors Gary Smalley and John Trent explain how to balance love's hard and soft sides to help readers develop strong relationships with their spouse, children, friends . . . Anyone!

Becoming One

Joe Beam

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 6 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Editorial Review:

Open the pages of this book and learn how to experience exciting intensity in your sexual relationship, deeper levels of closeness on an emotional level, and the most fulfilling intimacy of all -- spiritual ONEness.

• With God's help you can make your marriage all it should be and all you crave it to be -- no matter what it's like now. (page 24)
• Men want action. Women want feeling. From day one they're set up to misunderstand each other. (page 12)
• Sometimes you must tell your mate the things you've done wrong, and sometimes you are much better off not to tell. The secret of a strong and intimate marriage is knowing what to share and what to leave buried. (page 108)
• If you're in conflict over sexual desires--one wants to do something other doesn't -- there is a logical and spiritual way to satisfy you both. (page 168)
• As you grow closer to God, you will grow closer to each other. (page 225)

I Promise: How 5 Essential Commitments Determine the Destiny of Your Marriage

Gary Smalley

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 7 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Engaged couples, newlyweds and longtime married spouses will find ideas for creating deeper intimacy 5 out of 5 stars.
4 of 4 people found this review helpful.

What's more important in a marriage than learning a partner's love language, being proficient in conflict resolution or having great sex? According to popular author and speaker Dr. Gary Smalley in I PROMISE: How 5 Commitments Determine the Destiny of Your Marriage, the answer may be "security."

"Do you feel secure enough to open up and share who you really are, including your deepest thoughts, hopes and dreams without those uneasy feelings creeping in --- feelings that maybe you'll be blamed, criticized, condemned, judged, or ridiculed?" This is the sort of intimacy Smalley believes is necessary for the best marriages.

Security, he says, means keeping your promise to love your husband or your wife no matter what. "It doesn't matter if either of you loses your attractiveness, turns grumpy, sour, or uncommunicative, gets a debilitating illness, or falls into deep depression. You will love him. You will cherish her. You promised. And that promise gives your marriage security." The more secure each partner feels, the more their feelings of affection toward each other grow, Smalley writes. But if partners don't feel emotionally safe with each other, he believes it will put the marriage in jeopardy.

Smalley, the author of more than 40 marriage and parenting books (MAKING LOVE LAST FOREVER, THE BLESSING) makes his points with a winning combination of personal, sometimes vulnerable, anecdotes about his own marriage of 41 years. Particularly impressive is his willingness to share his own serious marital mistakes in the early years of his marriage, and a sweet testimonial to his wife Norma toward the end of the book. Smalley's anecdotes are often delivered with a good helping of humor and an ability to poke fun at his own marital misdeeds. He includes practical take-aways ("Becoming a student of your mate," "List your mate's positive qualities") so that his ideas can be easily understood and applied.

Some of his advice will feel familiar: "Make eye contact when you talk. Don't try and change your spouse, change yourself. Men need to be good communicators with their wives." Other ideas might be new to the reader: "Quit being a victim. Take responsibility for your own happiness." Each chapter ends with a teaser that gives the reader a taste of the next chapter.

Five of the chapters unpack five promises that Smalley says create security in marriage. Conform your beliefs to God's truths. Be filled with God. Find God's best in every trial. Listen and communicate with love. Serve your spouse. At the end of the book is an "I Promise Constitution," which both spouses are invited to sign.

Readers will find some stereotypes ("Women want to be attractive, men want to be strong" or "Girls, he loves it when you send out his clothes for cleaning, cook his favorite steak, or watch a ball game with him"). When talking about sticking by a spouse and letting difficult circumstances become "God's hammer strokes" to form in you the character of Christ, Smalley sidesteps the issues of what happens when a spouse is abused or repeatedly cheated on. Sometimes the tone becomes a little over the top: "The principle in the next chapter...offers a promise of fulfillment beyond your wildest dreams!" And far too much research cited ("Intimate talk increases a man's chances of staying healthy 500 percent") is not footnoted or part of the skimpy endnotes, so the reader has no idea specifically where the statistics or information came from.

But this book's core message about affirming commitment and establishing a secure marriage is a welcome one. Engaged couples, newlyweds and longtime married spouses will find ideas for creating deeper intimacy in this accessible book; pastors and marriage counselors will also pick up some tips to pass along to their parishioners and clients.

--- Reviewed by Cindy Crosby

Editorial Review:

In I Promise,  America's foremost marriage expert comes to a startling new conclusion: Great marriages are built on a foundation of trust, not behavioral skills. So, it's not enough to learn your partner's love language, become proficient in conflict resolution, learn to control your emotions and even become an expert in the bedroom.  If your spouse does not feel safe enough to open up his or her heart without fear of being judged, criticized, blamed, or rejected, nothing you do will be effective. It's only when couples feel emotionally "safe" that they can truly become one, as God intended. Based on 10 years of research, Dr. Gary Smalley shares five heartfelt promises you can make to your mate that are guaranteed to build trust and help your spouse become the true soulmate, lover and friend you desire.

Love Talk: Speak Each Other's Language Like You Never Have Before

Les and Leslie Parrott

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 8 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

Love Talk Book 3 out of 5 stars.
9 of 10 people found this review helpful.

I bought this book in hopes to find more knowledge about how to communicate better, however I soon discovered that the book coincides with a workbook. Every chapter describes scenarios/experiences that the authors went through but is followed by "please see the workbook" to find out on how to communicate better. So buy the workbook if you want to get the full use of this book as well as reap the benefits in your relationship.

On the upside the book does have some good examples of what types of communication styles there are. I hoped this is helpful.

Excellent Guide to Enriching Communication 5 out of 5 stars.
7 of 8 people found this review helpful.

I am still working through the book but it has been an excellent guide to improving communication skills at all levels.

What Kind of Love Talk Are We Talking About? 3 out of 5 stars.
0 of 3 people found this review helpful.

This book includes some very helpful grids for helping spouses ( or friends - or enemies!) to understand each other. It would have rated higher with me if it had emphasized more the attitude of a servant spirit to which God calls His people, and the distinctive commands to the wife and the husband.The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective

Editorial Review:

Couples consistently name "improved communication" as the greatest need in their relationships. Love Talk is a deep yet simple plan full of new insights that will revolutionize communication in love relationships. Includes The Love Talk Indicator, a free personalized online assessment ($30.00 value).