Divorce Books

God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation

Andreas Kostenberger, David W. Jones

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 5 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Best book for this subject available 5 out of 5 stars.
26 of 29 people found this review helpful.

At a time of crisis in marriages and in family relationships, this refreshing and thought provoking book is one of very few that examines and tackles what the Bible has to say about marriage, family and other related subjects. There are ethical discussions on reproductive health and rights, and a discussion on the role of women in society. It may change your views on birth control and reproduction as Dr. Köstenberger addresses "how to think GOD'S way." It honestly discusses Jesus' teachings on homosexuality, the gift of singleness, celibacy, parenting, and divorce and remarriage. The ideas are not only for married men and women, but for all of us! They offer practical advice on the issue of purity, even for those who consider themselves anything but pure!
At a time of crisis in relationships, this Scripture based book shares examples of restoration of God's ideals for marriage and family, reminding men and women to take proper care of their relationships to ensure themselves the happiness they yearn for in marriage. It was helpful as Dr. Köstenberger addressed gender roles, men submitting to Christ, and the husband's authority over women with the husband being the ultimate authority over family. It presents the woman's role, discussing the Proverbs 31 wife, giving everyday advice on how to be a "suitable helper," presenting children, and providing her husband with companionship. He spends a chapter on sex and communication that I found helpful because he spoke from both the perspective of the wife and the husband, and addresses key issues for each.
There is a fascinating chapter devoted to biblical teachings about child rearing, obedience, proper discipline, and introducing children to a personal relationship with "God in Christ." While the child's responsibility toward their own parents changes after they have established a new family, Köstenberger emphasizes that children are mandated to honor parents, and that rebellion against parents is tantamount to disrespect toward God himself, putting it "on the same level as treason and idol worship."
I highly recommend this book. It is practical and down-to-earth, inspiring us to persevere in marriage as a sacred covenant entered into before God. Dr. Köstenberger writes on how to have a great marriage by keeping God at the center of our relationships, and to bear and raise children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. He addressed spiritual warfare and proper use of spiritual weapons.
His examples were great for supporting a case to defend marriage as well as a case against homosexual unions. I found the insight on divorce to be helpful. The end of the book contains a helpful personal and group study guide.
I would recommend this book to Christian as well as non-Christian couples. "Marriage and family are good gifts from a great God." I have already applied some principles of this in my life, and it DOES make a difference.

Editorial Review:

We live in a time of crisis regarding marriage and the family, and only by a return to the biblical foundation can these institutions be rebuilt. To provide an integrated, biblical treatment of the full range of marriage and family issues, the authors of God, Marriage, and Family examine what Scripture says about God's purposes for humans in their marriage and family interactions. Their examination covers the special issues stemming from marriage, childrearing, singleness, homosexuality, and divorce and remarriage. With study questions and points for further discussion, this book is a comprehensive yet concise resource for anyone seeking a Scriptural response to our culture's complex challenges to God's intentions for marriage and family.

Torn Asunder: Recovering From an Extramarital Affair

Dave Carder

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 32 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

A Balanced Approach 5 out of 5 stars.
3 of 3 people found this review helpful.

Goes beyond the simplistic notion of shallow forgiveness into the real work of repentance and reconciliation. Squares the responsibility between both spouses instead of placing an unfair burden on the spouse who has been betrayed to do all the work necessary for restoration of the relationship.

Not just facts 5 out of 5 stars.
0 of 0 people found this review helpful.

I was ready for a dry book with too many facts and statistics, but this book has been great. I'm only on the first chapter and have learned so much already.

Great book 5 out of 5 stars.
0 of 0 people found this review helpful.

I bought this book for my best girlfriend when she found out her husband was having an affair. She said it was wonderful and really helped her understand why her husband cheated, what "type" of affair it was, and how to tell if he is likely to do it again.

Editorial Review:

This workbook is an excellent tool for couples to work through and apply the material presented in Torn Asunder. It is organized into daily twenty-minute exercises initiated by each spouse on alternating days. Because this tragic situation is not easily resolved, this workbook is a must to get couples on the road to healing and oneness.

Hope For the Separated: Wounded Marriages Can Be Healed (Chapman, Gary)

Gary Chapman

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 19 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Wonderful, appropriate, practical resource 5 out of 5 stars.
7 of 7 people found this review helpful.

For those of us who have found ourselves separated from our spouse it is a terrible, frustrating, depressing and confusing time. We're married -- but we're not. We're single -- but we're married. We have a spouse -- but not a husband/wife. We can't be a family -- but we can't be a single. And a separation can only go in one of two ways -- reconciliation or divorce. Chapman's book is a terrificly easy and incredibly appropriate read. Having surely counseled dozens of separated couples, he touches on every aspect involved, for both parties, regardless of the offense or the offender, emotions or intentions. For the Christian, it offers great insight in to what God expects of us and how we need to be conducting our lives in this difficult time. I read it, loved it, and am trying to apply the principles he relates as best as I can. I gave it to my wife who I hope will find it as useful and practical as I did. Time will tell. But if it doesn't work, it won't be because I didn't do everything I could do, and this book has helped point me in the right direction. If you are separated and have even the slimmest hope for reconciliation -- BUY THIS BOOK! You won't regret it.

Editorial Review:

The unfortunate reality is that Christians are separating and divorcing at the same rate as the unbelieving world. But does separation have to mean the end? You may not feel like reconciling. You may not see hope for a reunion. But the biblical ideal for a separated couple is reconciliation. So how do you do it? When doors slam and angry words fly, when things just aren't working out, and even when your spouse has abandoned your trust, there is hope. Hope for the Separated will show you through God's Word that your marriage can be restored. Recognizing that restoration will not happen for everyone, Dr. Chapman also gives insightful advice for those who experience the pain of divorce.

Child of Divorce, Child of God: A Journey of Hope and Healing

Kristine Steakley

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 2 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Offers Hope and Healing 5 out of 5 stars.
6 of 6 people found this review helpful.

I grew up in a stable family and in a church community of stable families. Divorce was almost unknown among the Christians I knew as a child. But as I looked to friends and family outside the bounds of the church I saw many broken homes. My parents let us see these families and I think they wanted us to see them as an object lesson in the reality that God is the one who had bound our family together and the one we would trust to always keep it bound together. It is a sad reality, though, that many families and almost a majority of families are immediately affected by divorce. It is sadder still that Christian families are by no means immune.

Kristine Steakley came from such a broken home. Here is how she begins her new book Child of Divorce, Child of God:

"Three-year-old Krissy stands at the window, her mom by her side. Outside, Krissy's dad drives away in his car while Krissy and Mom wave goodbye. It sounds like a common enough memory--and it would be, except that it is the only memory Krissy will ever have of her mom and dad together."

"More than thirty years later, that memory still makes my heart weep for the child I was. That was me, waving goodbye to Daddy."

In this book, just published by IVP Books, she writes about the challenges, both emotional and spiritual, that face adult children of divorce. Do note that this is not a book written specifically for parents of broken families or for young children, but for grown children who have experienced divorce as part of their childhood. By telling her own story, Steakley describes the difficulties faced by many adults who once saw their families fall apart. And while she describes honestly the inevitable challenges, she offers hope--the hope given to us through the God who cares, the God who is the Father to the Fatherless and the healer of broken hearts.

The pain of divorce and its wide-ranging implications do not end with the dawn of adulthood. Instead, the hurt may continue indefinitely and, unless dealt with in God's way, may never go away. And so this book deals with a wide range of issues: the acknowledgment that God is compassionate and tender and wants to help with deep hurts; that God is faithful even when others have proven they are unfaithful; that children of divorce carry heavy burdens that God wishes to help carry; that God's love sustains and overcomes natural inabilities; that God is the source of peace and security; that God can restore hope and joy; that there is purpose in suffering and that God is able to help children of divorce be more than mere statistics; that God expects His people to extend forgiveness and to let go of bitterness. The overall message is that God is sovereign and that God is love. He is the source of all true healing.

The author's pattern throughout the book is simple and effective; she describes one of these issues particular to children of divorce and brings Scripture to bear on them. And she does so with clarity and with great effectiveness. Throughout she seeks to have the reader experience the hope and healing that comes from knowing the depth of God's love. And she seeks to have the reader, who is intimately familiar with the pain of broken homes, become an advocate for families. "I pray that all of us would become advocates and intercessors for other families in trouble. I pray that we would stand firmly on the side of marriage, encourage others to honor and cherish their spouses, and live our own lives in ways that uphold biblical standards. I pray that, on behalf of other children of divorce who may not have a voice, we would speak out about the heartache we have experienced and the incredible hope and healing we have found in Christ. I pray that we would find ways to reach out to the families in our own churches and communities that have been touched by divorce. When we do these things, we redeem the tragedy of divorce that struck our family, turning it into something that brings hope to others and glory to God."

I noted just a couple of downsides to the book. First, I would have liked to see perhaps just a little bit more emphasis on the gospel. This is not to say that the gospel was absent from the book but I'm not sure it maintained quite the centrality it might have had. Second, I would caution readers against the author's advice that they read John Eldredge's book The Journey of Desire when considering hopes and dreams. And finally, the issue of conditional versus unconditional forgiveness arose in my mind as she described the importance of extending forgiveness. I would have liked to have seen a little bit more on forgiving those who seek no forgiveness and perhaps the difference between offering forgiveness and actually granting forgiveness.

Overall, Child of Divorce, Child of God is an excellent book and one I would not hesitate to recommend. I am grateful to God that I am not the book's primary audience, but am still grateful that I read it. It has given me a valuable window into the challenges faced by those who come from broken families and how they may carry deep wounds into adulthood. It has strengthened my resolve that I must do all that is necessary to protect my own marriage. And it has shown me the incredible centrality of the family in God's plan for people and thus the heartbreaking tragedy that is divorce.

Editorial Review:

Children of divorce carry wounds into adulthood. Divorce affects our relationships to other people, our fears and longings, our faith, and our spirituality. We may have difficulties with anger, guilt, commitment or forgiveness. But our identity need not be marked only by our parents' divorce. God can enter into our woundedness and bring transformation and hope.

Kristine Steakley chronicles the emotional and spiritual challenges facing adult children of divorce. She tells her own story of abandonment and estrangement with all the attendant questions of trust, self-worth and identity. But she has found that God can repair and reparent us in ways that heal and restore our relationships with ourselves, our parents and God.

Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible

Jay E. Adams

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 19 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Unsound Doctrine 1 out of 5 stars.
26 of 41 people found this review helpful.

I have read Jay Adams book and will make a full review later (I want to read John Murray's book first), but came across a review that I agree with. I will have more to critique than this reviewer does, but it is a good start.

Book Title: Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage In the Bible
Book Author: Dr. Jay E. Adams
Our Rating: Poor
Book Theme

Taking a concept-by-concept approach, Dr. Adams examines the fundamentals of marriage, then divorce, and ultimately, remarriage. Relying heavily on the Scriptures, Dr. Adams avoids using traditions as a basis for establishing the doctrines of matrimony and marriage dissolution.

Analysis of the Book
Reading this book and writing this review was a personal disappointment. Dr. Adams is one of my personal spiritual role models whom I hold in the highest regard. Sadly, this book fails to achieve a proper understanding of the nature of divorce and remarriage based upon a faulty interpretation of Scripture.

Dr. Adams does a genuinely thorough biblical evaluation of the question, "what is a marriage?" The principles of marriage as outlined by God in His Word are well documented. Additionally, the concept of engaged men and women in both the Old and New Testament being called "husbands" and "wives" is convincingly extracted and described from the Bible by Dr. Adams.
Even the bulk of Dr. Adams' treatment of the subject of divorce is keenly derived from the Scriptures. God certainly hates divorce and has established considerable warnings to men from initiating such proceedings. While controversial, this reviewer found that much of the chapter dealing with the "exception clauses" was consistently and properly handled.

With so much of the book being biblically acceptable, why is such a harsh disapproval applied to this book by the reviewer? Primarily because of a simple misinterpretation of one passage: 1Corinthians 7:25-28. Dr. Adams commits a fundamental exegetical fallacy (to borrow a term from D.A. Carson) by taking verses 27 and 28 out of context, interpreting them as stand alone verses, and then issuing sweeping doctrinal statements that contradict uncounted passages of scripture that state the opposite.

Simply stated, 1Corinthians 7:25-28 refers to virgins who are engaged to be married. Engaged virgins are properly referred to as "husbands and wives" in the New and Old Testaments. Verses 25-28 state that virgins may end their engagements and remain single, may marry each other as planned, or may end their engagements and marry other people--and all without sinning or without their actions being labeled "adultery".
If one were to remove verses 27 and 28 from their context of verses 25-28 and then interpret them, one might be tempted to believe that this was a blanket permission for all married people to get a divorce, then remarry other people, and be free of having committed any sins, including adultery. Such an outcome would directly contradict many Bible passages, but none so blatantly as Jesus' own words, "whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery" (Matthew 5:32b).

Having made a doctrinal left turn, the good work done earlier in the book is systematically dismantled by the author. Since the out-of-context interpretation of 1Corinthians 7:27,28 seemingly permits everyone who gets a divorce for any reason at all to be remarried without it being called a sin: all people can be divorced (without sin), all divorced people can be remarried to others (without sin), divorce loses all stigma, and Jesus was mistaken to teach that one who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. The outcome then, is that a divorce ends a marriage, all obligations of the marriage, and the person can claim to be free to remarry whomever they wish just as if they were a virgin.

Scripturally this is not appropriate. Jesus' words still stand, divorced people who remarry others are committing adultery, and it is engaged virgins who may break their commitments to marry without it being considered a sin. Proper biblical interpretation is critical to the development of sound doctrine, and regrettably this book does not meet that standard.
As a result of this error, the book becomes all but incomprehensible, lost in a maze of discussion about legitimate divorces and illegitimate divorces, all divorces ending a marriage thereby releasing all parties from all obligations of marriage-but maybe not all, reconciliation being preferred albeit optional as is remarriage, and so on. It becomes nearly impossible to determine who would ever be guilty of committing adultery by the act of remarriage, if in fact, anyone would be using this text. Such a conclusion to this study makes a complex subject even more difficult.
Conclusion

In spite of his track record of writing truly outstanding biblical treatises, this book is not up to the typical quality of Dr. Adams' other works. Though much of the book is indeed well developed from the Scriptures, a poor interpretation of one key passage causes Dr. Adams to draw numerous incorrect conclusions about the permanence of marriage and the permissibility of divorced persons to be remarried without incurring a label of adultery.
As a definitive work on divorce and remarriage, this book is best left on the shelf. If one were to read only for the sections on marriage there would be some benefit. Using this book as a basis for marital counseling would not be wise.

Editorial Review:

Many pastors, counselors, and theologians consider this book the most helpful on the issue of marriage and divorce.

Moving Forward After Divorce: Practical Steps to * Healing Your Hurts * Finding Fresh Perspective * Managing Your New Life

David Frisbie, Lisa Frisbie

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 3 Average rating: 5.0 of 5

Great Parenting Tips! 5 out of 5 stars.
10 of 10 people found this review helpful.

As a divorced mom, single parent, mother of two --- I read a lot. This new book has already changed the way I'm parenting my boys --- who are just now emerging into their teen years. Great parenting tips! This is one of the most positive, encouraging, "real life" books I've discovered. Extremely useful for anyone who is in their first 3-5 years after a divorce. Very well done!

Barbara Sheldon, M.S.W.
Currently reading: Growing Through Divorce

Editorial Review:

Divorce is a time of loss—it also becomes a time of change with the possibility that each partner might move forward toward personal restoration and wholeness. But how? David and Lisa Frisbie, authors of Happily Remarried, share godly wisdom, sound advice, and encouragement to help readers:

• heal from feelings of anger and abandonment
• discover the sufficiency of God
• develop interests, dreams, and skills
• raise healthy kids alone or as a co–parent
• manage money (or the lack of it)

This excellent resource provides great help for those with children and will guide any divorced reader to see the hope of a second chance as they learn to depend on God’s grace, sufficiency, and promises.

Single Married Separated Life After Divorce

Myles Munroe

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 21 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Giving Single a whole new definition 5 out of 5 stars.
3 of 3 people found this review helpful.

I am recently separated and after 22 years of marriage, the thought of being single terrified me. This book gave me a whole new perspective on what it actually means to be single, which is different than being alone. Knowing that we are all created to be unique, whole, "single" humanbeings first and that God made us that way, gives me the strength to stay focused on my healing as a person and not go searching for it with someone else. Being in a relationship with others doesn't make me a whole person and when I enter into a new relationship in the future, I plan on being a strong, unique, whole and single person first this time.
I highly recommend this book to those who are struggling with the myth that being single isn't the norm.

Good Insight 5 out of 5 stars.
1 of 2 people found this review helpful.

It is true that we need to learn to be whole before becoming complete. Everyone should grab this concept before getting married. I would highly recommend another book, "Why Singles are not Married & the Married are Single". Truly compliments this writing. Mike Marra really gets to the basics of each gender and thoroughly discusses modern day situations like no other I have read.

Editorial Review:

Myles Munroe, Bahamian pastor, teacher, and evangelist examines the states of singleness, marriage, separation, and divorce, providing insights to minister to everyone, regardless of which situation they are in.

When "I Do" Becomes "I Don't": Practical Steps for Healing During Separation & Divorce

Laura Petherbridge

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 1 Average rating: 4.0 of 5

Ain't no fun 4 out of 5 stars.
1 of 1 people found this review helpful.

For those of us going through a difficult time in our lives, this book provides some good direction. More for women than men, in my opinion....

Editorial Review:

One of the only Christian books to offer practical answers to questions about divorce, When "I Do" Becomes "I Don't" addresses questions readers going through this need answered, like:

• How do I find where I belong when I no longer know my identity?
• If my spouse asks for forgiveness, should I go back?
• If I get an attorney, will my spouse think I'm giving up on our marriage forever?
• How do I figure out a budget on my own?
• What should I do when others criticize my ex-spouse in front of my kids?
• How will I know when it's a good time to date again?
• Will I ever be happy again?

  With straightforward, sensitive answers to these questions and others, Petherbridge offers real-life help, spiritual insights, and new hope for the future.

  Includes reflection and discussion questions after each chapter and guidelines for those who love someone who is getting a divorce.

When the Vow Breaks: A Survival and Recovery Guide for Christians Facing Divorce

Joseph Warren Kniskern

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 10 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

A book that will make a difference in your life! 5 out of 5 stars.
80 of 80 people found this review helpful.

12/27/00

It has been exactly a year since my wife had an affair with her girlfriend's husband, filed for divorce, and hired my city's most notorious Family Law attorney to attack me. There are now five attorneys involved (2 custody, 2 financial, & a discovery referee) and four accountants.

If you are going through a divorce, or contemplating one, I must tell you, this last year has been the most difficult in my life. I have a strong faith in GOD, I am the father of two wonderful children, and I am the CEO of a large holding company.

I have always read 50 books a year. And this year is no exception. Only this year, 25 were on divorce ranging from "When a mate wants out" to "Moving on when your mate moves out". However, by far the best book I read was Joseph Warren Kniskern's book, "When the Vow Breaks".

I am the leader of a large organization and I teach as well. One of the greatest compliments I can get, is for someone to say, often many years later, "You made a difference in my life".

This is exactly the compliment of a lifetime that I want to give to Warren. His book made a difference in my life and it will in yours as well.

Editorial Review:

Now an official resource of the nationwide DivorceCare ministry, this new edition of When the Vow Breaks offers practical advice to Christians regarding the top five felt needs and issues that result from facing divorce: kids, finances, anger, depression, and loneliness.

 

In this sensitive and thorough guide, author/attorney Joseph Warren Kniskern recounts the emotions of his own failed marriage and shares a comprehensive study on what the Bible says about marriage and divorce. More important, he shows how God continues to work in people’s lives to provide hope and encouragement in the aftermath of divorce. Kniskern also provides important insights about how to seek reconciliation, secure proper marriage counseling, find a good attorney, and negotiate settlements and custody issues.

 

Divorce And Remarriage in the Church: Biblical Solutions for Pastoral Realities

David Instone-Brewer

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Customer Reviews:
Total reviews: 9 Average rating: 4.5 of 5

Editorial Review:

Divorce and remarriage are major pastoral issues facing every church. Yet when we turn to Scripture for guidance, we often hear conflicting messages about its teachings. Some say divorce is never allowed. Others say it is permitted under certain circumstances. Some say remarriage is never allowed, while others teach that it is permitted under certain circumstances. If divorce is only allowed for adultery and if remarriage is forbidden, then many believers are placed in a desperate situation. But what does the Bible really teach?

Making use of new research into the background literature of the Bible, David Instone-Brewer shows that biblical teaching is actually consistent and not subject to conflicting interpretations. A consistent and informed interpretation of the relevant texts shows that the original hearers of these teachings would understand that:

• Jesus and Paul emphasized that divorce should be avoided if at all possible.
• First-century Jewish men and women could get divorced for neglect or abuse as well as for adultery. Jesus did not reject these grounds and Paul specifically affirmed them.
• In the first century, remarriage was the right of every divorcee, and neither Jesus nor Paul taught otherwise.

David Instone-Brewer shows how, when properly understood, the New Testament provides faithful, realistic and wise guidance of crucial importance and practical help for the church today.

Features and Benefits

• Draws on new biblical research to reveal consistency in biblical teaching on divorce and remarriage.